Fears About Forgiveness: Throwing Away Justice in the Name of Mercy?

For those of us who have been deeply hurt, merely reading the word “forgiveness” can trigger a great deal of anxiety and fear. If we have been in a relationship where we've worked and worked to balance our basic needs with forgiving chronically abusive people, this subject can be one of near hopelessness. If we've been manipulated, over and over again, the word “forgiveness” means little more than “I'm damned no matter what I do.” Justice and respect have evaded us for too long, and we're weary of trying to survive mistreatment or perhaps outright abuse. Forgiveness comes to mean resignation to pain and suffering, despite a multitude of attempts to see a better outcome.

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Lusting for Justice and Learning Mercy (The Challenge for All of Us Concerning the Case of Jack Schaap

Last week, Jack Schaap, the former pastor of one of the largest churches in the United States accepted a plea bargain of guilt, claiming that it will be the best course of action for his family. It will spare all involved the grueling process of exposure and embarrassment that a claim of innocence would require in court. A survivor astutely pointed out last week that it was ironic that Schaap who has so often commented that he would never accept theological advice from a woman accepted the plea offered to him by two female U.S. Attorneys.

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Self-Deception in Forgiveness: The Path of Bitterness as a Cycle of Blame

People tend to choose the Path of Bitterness

when they get caught up with

wanting to understand the reasons for the offense.

They think, if only they could understand why

the other person did what he or she did,

they could get over it and let it go.

– David Stoop, Forgiving the Unforgivable, pg80

In Forgiving the Unforgivable, David Stoop also offers us a diagram of what he calls the Path of Bitterness, and this path is often deceptive. On this path, people can actually believe that they're pursuing forgiveness but arrive at a much different destination. 

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Understanding Repentance and Forgiveness

Bad Kitty!

These posts were written as part of a greater exploration of the subject of forgiveness, but because the topic is such a critical one, it can be a challenge wading through them all. Repentance is an essential, critical part of forgiveness itself, and the posts specifically related to aspects of forgiveness are noted below.

When an offender doesn't repent of wrongdoing, the offended party can move on to a second kind of forgiveness. Considering that God withholds forgiveness from us until after we repent, though we are required to forgive, we do not have to throw justice away. We can release those who offended us to God to deal with, and we can move on past the ongoing hurt by looking to God to give us in restitution that which the offender either cannot or will not.

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A Prayer for Justice for the Broken (Especially for Hana and Immanuel Williams)

(Adapted creatively from the Book of Common Prayer)

Almighty God, you proclaim your truth in every age by many voices:

Direct, in our time, we pray, those who speak where many listen and write what many read; that they may do their part in making the heart of this people wise, its mind sound, and its will righteous; to the honor of Jesus Christ our Lord. Open the eyes of all who see and the ears of all who hear so that they might readily discern the truth.

Lord, who sits enthroned in righteousness and judges what is right:

We come boldly to your Throne of Grace and ask you to bless the courts of justice in this land, and give all who play a role in the court the spirit of wisdom and understanding that they might discern the truth. See to it that they will impartially administer the law in the fear of You alone, through the One, our Savior who judges all. All truth is Your truth.

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The Equivocation Problem with Social Justice that the Theobros Make Worse

Featuring Rosato's Harriet Tubman Mural

Most regular people understand the term "social justice" in terms of common vernacular in the US -- through the simple meaning of the words themselves. In society, especially in America, our government aspires to grant each citizen rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. We've spent our whole history working to make those liberties equally available to all her citizens. To most people, most Christians included, "social justice" means just that. It is the aspiration to see all people in society treated fairly and justly. Unless someone's taken particular classes in college or read specific literature that offers a different definition, most people understand these simple words in only that context. 

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Challenging the Denial on Both Sides of Cheap, Feigned Forgiveness

There has been much written on the subject of forgiveness as I noted in an earlier post which mentions the work of a few Christian authors including Augsburger, Smedes, and Wilson. 

I hope to continue highlight other more subtle things about the journey of forgiveness that most people tend to miss, especially the aspects that are relevant to those who are in recovery from spiritual abuse. As Christians, we should seek to do things in the way the Bible tells, especially concerning forgiveness, considering that God forgives us without us meriting it, and we are called to be transformed in character to be like our Savior. Still, no matter how much we study, there's always a possibility that we do not understand what the Biblical texts try to communicate.  And we might not agree.

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New News: From Paradise Recovered's Joyfully Sublime to IHOP's Sadly Tragic

The Joy

If you haven't taken up this invitation offered here a few weeks ago to watch the film, Paradise Recovered, today is a good time to catch up. It is available via streaming with Amazon, Netflix, Blockbuster, iTunes and a couple of other providers, or you can simply buy the video about the journey of a young woman who risks leaving her cultic Christian group. On the Paradise Recovered blog right now, they're taking a month to note the people who inspire them with daily hat tips of recognition. I didn't think that I could be more proud to see No Longer Quivering, Quivering Daughters, and Free Jinger listed there this past week, as I have proudly participated with all of them. Most people do not realize how formidable it can be to risk everything to leave the Quiverfull and Patriarchy movements, the very thing that prompted me to start this blogging business in the first place. Not only is it beyond difficult for most people to walk away, it takes a tremendous amount of valor to speak openly about the movement's special variety of suffering and injustice. People who leave suffer great loss, and those who come forward to speak generally suffer even more. I couldn't be more proud of these valiant ones.

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Ayn Rand on Sacrificing Justice to Mercy: Forcing the Innocent to Suffer Twice

Just a few days ago, Part II of Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged premiered in theaters, and Part III is yet to follow. Rand grew up in the USSR and witnessed the Russian Revolution in the early 20^th Century. She came to the US and was disturbed by the trends she witnessed here that reminded her of the collectivism that she watched sweep through her own country.

Though I don't agree with her on many points of belief which I could write about until your eyes bleed, I deeply appreciate her insights about the dangers of totalism and her appreciation of freedom and liberty. She had a keen appreciation for the gifts of humanity, though I disagree with her on why mankind is gifted and how we can best celebrate those distinctions. I am continually amazed at how much she gets right wherein I agree with her, and I'm in awe at how differently from me she attributes the causality which explains our shared beliefs about the nature of freedom and how man best benefits from it.

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The Other Type of Forgiveness: Releasing the Debt While Looking to God for Justice

Someone offends you, you examine what has happened to you, and you take stock of your situation. You work through denial, anger, bargaining, depression and you finally accept that you've suffered loss. You've avoided premature forgiveness and didn't just use denial to make difficult problems just magically go away. You've also resisted seeing forgiveness as a work to be performed – something you must give in order to get benefit – a misunderstanding of forgiveness in the Lord's Prayer as some mere ritual that actually thwarts the process of true forgiveness by rushing through it.

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Exploring Forgiveness And Reconciliation: An Index of Posts

Several weeks ago, I sat down to write two or three blog posts on forgiveness and reconciliation as an aspect of how spiritual abusers use shame and condemnation to control followers. They were intended to finish up some loose strings and unfinished items as a part of this series of posts exploring how to best confront a spiritual abuser. Many churches use Matthew 18 as a way of berating people to subtly force them into complying with extra-Biblical requirements, a primary passage concerning forgiveness. I realized that I couldn't rightfully explore reconciliation without also including forgiveness. My effort to write just a few posts turned into something of an adventure exploring forgiveness as well as how abusers of all varieties exploit trust.

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Another (Non-Theobro) Christian Scholar on Social Justice

When I read the new 2022 Frankfurt Declaration last week, I could not help but think back to this essay I read almost three years ago. As I noted in an earlier post, I am not a student of the areas of study that concern themselves with Critical Race Theory, so I am grateful that Kelly Hamren agreed to allow me to repost her commentary here. She was homeschooled and went on to eventually become a graduate student at Liberty University. After completing her studies, she served for eleven years in the English Department at Liberty, moving from Instructor to Assistant Professor. She later earned a PhD in Literature and Criticism from Indiana University of Pennsylvania.

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Thoughts to Consider as You Start the Serious Work of Forgiveness

Before delving into the specific situations and questions that arise on the Path of Healing through the journey of forgiveness, consider these words of wisdom and encouragement.

Thoughts adapted from 

Sandra Wilson's Released from Shame:

Moving Beyond the Pain of the Past (pp 167-181):

Get straight on the principles

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Please Pray for a Fellow Dissident

26Feb2019 UPDATE:  Sadly, the prayer posted here for justice for Joe Taylor did not result in his vindication, and even the Chalcedon Foundation was not willing to come forward to bear witness to Doug Phillips' actions until after the demise of Vision Forum after it closed because of a sex scandal.  People at Chalcedon knew and did nothing until Phillips had fallen into obscurity.

I don't know what happened to Joe.  I do know that Vision Forum seized everything -- including his instruments for excavation, and even his artwork.  I was once at a gathering in San Antonio where I was invited to go see the Allosaur mentioned here.  I also don't know what happened to the property that Phillips seized.

Joe thought that he'd participated in a Christian process of making peace among fellow Christians, and he was asked by those who he viewed as fellow brothers in the faith to sign an agreement to commit to pursing peace with one another.   His trusting spirit was caused when learned later that every time he spoke about the matter or wrote about it in an online chatroom, he was violating a legal agreement that held him to silence about the matter.  In a system of mediation much like Peacemaker Ministries offers, Christians are deceived into signing away their rights in a manner that puts them at a disadvantage.  If their plaintiff is a minster or leader, the targeted individual signs away a good bit of their power and their legal recourse.

Phillips used the courts in the State of Texas to bankrupt Joe Taylor, and they took everything he owned as payment for the penalties Joe incurred for violating the agreement.  He could not afford an attorney on the many occasions that he traveled to to face Phillips in court, so he never managed to gain a favorable decision in the court.

Read more HERE.



Original Post from December 2007:

For those of you who are unaware of the controversy regarding Vision Forum's participation in a 2001 dinosaur dig, please visit Raising the Truth to read the whole, well-documented story.

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The saga has not yet come to an end. The wrongfully maligned Joe Taylor, now without any funds has again been outmanipulated by Doug Phillips in an attempt to cover up the evidence concerning Phillips' reported manipulation and "hijacking" of a Creation Science excavation project. Please read Joe Taylor's letter to Doug Phillips in the blog post to follow.

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This new post on another blog describes Joe Taylor's dilemma who planned to go to court in Lubbock, TX, but due to the intervention of the deep pocketed Doug Phillips, the case has been reset in Austin, TX. Joe Taylor has no attorney (and no money) and his legal advisor is now unable to attend the Austin hearing due to the change of venue on very short notice (actually less notice than the law allows from my understanding).

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A blog post from "May Justice Prevail"

December 13th, 2007 at 2:02 pm

Doug Phillip’s friend and attorney of the DeRosa family, Ed Watts has contacted the sheriff of Crosbyton, TX to take possession of the contents of Joe Taylor’s Mt. Blanco Fossil Museum in Crobyton, Texas and auction them off. Joe has been trying to have his case heard in court to get the 2004 mediation and 2007 arbitration overturned. Phillips/DeRosas did not follow proper procedure. Joe was not allowed to bring witnesses nor was he allowed to present his evidence. He was given a take it or leave it offer.

Several of the 7 points of objection in Joe’s filing are that the Mediator/Arbitrator should not have accepted or promoted the roles of both Mediator and Arbitrator in this case and the Mediator/Arbitrator did not avoid the appearance of a conflict of interest as he was involved in the subject matter of the Agreement and Decision.

In 2004, Dana and Brenda Forbes sold their interest in the Allosaur to Joe in order to force Phillips/DeRosa into what Joe thought would be a christian mediation. Joe had to pay the Forbes $40,000 from the mediation money. Joe also had borrowed money from family and friends to stay afloat while he tried to resolve the conflict outisde of court. Joe did not make money on the allosaur for all his work excavating the dinosaur. He lost the money from casts, his film, and lost opportunities as well. He also had his credentials stolen and given to the DeRosas.

At the 2007 aribitration Joe was fined over $100,000 for telling the truth about the Allosaur debacle including Doug’s film, “Raising the Allosaur.” One of the charges was for answering questions on this website and the now defunct Badonicus site.

Doug’s assistant Bob Renaud told a group of us this May 2007, that he called in by phone to Joe’s arbitration proceeding as a witness that Joe Taylor is a racist based on his comments to these sites. Joe was also fined for writing other letters speaking the truth about the allosaur debacle.

They are trying to seize Joe’s Lone Star Mastodon [Late entry/addendum 17Dec07 9pm: I wsa contacted by the author of this post who asked that I remove part of a statement until they can obtain additional confirmation and corroboration. So I have deleted 9 words at the end of this sentence and will restore them when I have the author's permission.] Joe has been bullied and brutalized, financially and emotionally devastated by these folks that call themselves christians.

Joe’s lawyer had a chance to nail Doug on ethical violations in the spring of 2003 for unethical involvement in the case. Joe’s attorney, Shannon Norris agreed not file charges when Doug’s friend, VF board member and VF attorney Don Hart called Shannon and asked him not to, citing Doug’s remorse. (Shannon and Don had been friends in law school) Those of us that know the truth and have seen the evidence, want Joe to get a fair hearing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Please pray that this matter resolves favorably and that the innocent parties realize vindication. The person who posted this comment states that they have first hand knowledge of the miscarriage of justice and have submitted it to the proper authorities. Please pray that God gives these authorities great wisdom and that He governs their actions. Pray for justice for all the parties involved (and allow the Lord to work His mercy after the truth has been revealed). Please pray that God shows Himself STRONG to those who place their faith in Him.

Sadly, Joe Taylor believed that the legal mediation was not a legal proceding but a Christian attempt to reconcile. His naivete came at a high price. May God give him more wisdom than he can contain and great favor, showing mercy to all of the parties involved. Have faith in God's Providence, Love and Power to root out and tear down wickedness in this situation. Please pray that the truth would be revealed and realized.

May this be a mighty demonstration of God's Glory and Might.

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Embarking Upon Paths of Healing in the Process of Forgiveness

How easy if would be for us if forgiveness were just a simple matter of a few simple steps! We expect such things in our society today, as if we could add water and stir to find hassle-free answers to difficult problems. I've also read that years of television situation comedies and dramas have created the anticipation and expectation that most of our relationship problems can be resolved in under sixty minutes. But people and relationships are far more complex than this.

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Sick Twist of Calvinism into Karma

As a person that tends to be very human, fallible and able to readily recognize my shortcomings (Romans Chapter 7), I strongly identified with the “total depravity” message (the first T in the TULIP mnemonic of the 5 points of Calvinism). This concept alone gave me much liberty by bringing my personal understanding of God’s providence into a better perspective.

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Defining Repentance on the Journey of Forgiveness

What constitutes repentance? The Gospels tell us that we must always forgive when those who have sinned against us (or disappointed us) repent of wrongdoing.  The Bible sets a precedent that repentance precedes forgiveness.  But what do we understand about the concept? As reviewed previously, Christians are called to confront others when wronged and must forgive when those who committed the wrong repent. For the Christian, forgiveness is non-optional. Review more about forgiveness HERE.

He said to His disciples, “It is inevitable that stumbling blocks come, but woe to him through whom they come!  It would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck and he were thrown into the sea, than that he would cause one of these little ones to stumble. Be on your guard!

If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. And if he sins against you seven times a day, and returns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ forgive him.”

Luke 17:1-4

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Daffodils Along the Way of the Higher Path

Through daffodils forgotten and found and reclaimed in my recent meltdown, perhaps those reading here can catch a glimpse of how healing from trauma can unfold. In the writing of this, I am almost amused by how spontaneously the whole concept bubbles up in me. I spent many years wondering whether I ever even know joy because it seemed that I'd forgotten because trauma alienated me from the memories of it. I couldn't find it no matter how hard I tried.

Having already defined my dilemma of moving through the Third Stage of healing in the last post, I feel as though I tackled the integration element well. Moving forward and reconnecting, the other tasks involved in Stage Three, blend for me in what I have yet to work through. I noted an example of a meme that objected liars and gossips as “lowlifes,” yet I wanted to aspire to something better. But I hadn't figured out how to get to “the high road,” having made the choice to seek resolution of conflict as opposed to perpetuating it. For my own benefit, I wanted and needed to aspire to something better.

Disclaimer: Everyone has to find their own way through their conflict in ways that work well for them, and It's important to note that not everything works for everybody. I draw on my own supportive beliefs to transcend pain and loss and trauma, though I understand and expect that many people will find their way through such conflicts differently. I also find myself at a point in my own exemplar conflict where I've come to terms with my anger and the injustice. I also don't want anyone to misunderstand this approach as offering forgiveness to people who aren't sorry for what they've done. I do hope to see justice for everyone involved. Taking an approach that avoids marking people as adversaries or that comes from the secure perspective that love can offer shouldn't be mistaken for cheap forgiveness that ignores justice. (Here's an index of over seventy blog posts that basically argue that without justice, forgiveness and mercy are meaningless.)

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What is Repentance? (What can we learn from the tragic death of Braxton Caner?)

A Reposting from the blog series on forgiveness, repentance and reconciliation from 2012.  What can we learn from tragedy - the loss of Braxton Caner? 

 

What hidden lessons can we find?

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Defining Repentance on the Journey of Forgiveness

What constitutes repentance? The Gospels tell us that we must always forgive when those who have sinned against us (or disappointed us) repent of wrongdoing.  The Bible sets a precedent that repentance precedes forgiveness.  But what do we understand about the concept? As reviewed previously, Christians are called to confront others when wronged and must forgive when those who committed the wrong repent. For the Christian, forgiveness is non-optional. Review more about forgiveness HERE.

He said to His disciples, “It is inevitable that stumbling blocks come, but woe to him through whom they come!  It would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck and he were thrown into the sea, than that he would cause one of these little ones to stumble. Be on your guard!

If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. And if he sins against you seven times a day, and returns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ forgive him.”

Luke 17:1-4

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Stepping Forward On Behalf of the Abused and Bringing Injustice Into the Light (If the Reformers had Access to the Internet, Don't You Think They Would Use It?)

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Four years ago Kevin Johnson preached a great series of sermons about the proper love and care of people by their pastors and also wrote the blog post that was republished here last week. When I wrote to him to write something that could be posted here on this topic, he also sent along some additional discussion that took place elsewhere online. The matter became a fresh topic of conversation here because of the Petrys' online posting about their experience of spiritual abuse at Mark Driscoll's Mars Hill Church.

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