**Revisiting** Generation Gaps and the Moral Imperative of Totalitarian Niceness

ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED 25Jan09

The following list describes the desired traits that non-Christian young people desire to see in Christians, particularly among their elders as compiled by the authors of “unChristian: What A New Generation Really Thinks About Christianity....And Why It Matters.” When I presented quotes from this book on my blog last year, I suggested that we as believers should extend the same considerations to those who follow patriarchy as well as to young unbelievers. I would like to use this list (from pp 194-5 of the book) as a point of departure for relating to young adults in general. Those interviewed suggested that these considerations would improve their receptivity to the Gospel message from Christians, both young and old.

1. Listen to me.
2. Don't label me.
3. Don't be so smart.
4. Put yourself in my place.
5. Be genuine.
6. Be my friend with no other motives.

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Teens and Judgementalism In Our Message (from "unChristian")

Considering “Unchristian: What A New Generation Really Thinks About Christianity ...An Why It Matters” Groundbreaking research from the Barna Group by Dave Kinnaman and Gabe Lyons

My training as a Christian focused on my ability to be able to declare the truth, not to become the Holy Spirit in the life of those to whom I witness. My mother carried a bookmark in her Bible that had a Native American saying on it: “Never judge a man until you've walked a mile in his moccasins.” I am grateful for both of these influences and that I was not taught an economy-sized Bible or flame-thrower approach to sharing the Gospel. (My dear Jewish friend calls such people "God's Squad.") That does not mean that I compromise the message, but I do not focus on doing the convicting work of the Holy Spirit. That's God's job. Sharing my faith has never been a matter of putting on a sales presentation, nor has it been about closing a sale. It's about speaking the truth so that the Holy Spirit can make use of what comes through me as a vessel of communication.

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Rising to the "Sheltered" Challenge (from "unChristian")

Considering “Unchristian: What A New Generation Really Thinks About Christianity ...An Why It Matters” Groundbreaking research from the Barna Group by Dave Kinnaman and Gabe Lyons

How should the church go about correcting its “unChristian” response of the sheltered life in order to reach a desperate and dying world with the saving message of Jesus Christ. Those outside of the practice of the Christian faith perceive Christianity as a whole to be antiquated and out of touch with the rest of the world. We use language that means little to the world. We live in our own sheltered communities and faith in Jesus Christ is viewed much like “joining a social club.” That is the only distinction that the world sees in us.

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Overcoming Our Sheltered Persona: The Great Challenge of Christendom and of the Patriocentrist (from "unChristian")

Considering “Unchristian: What A New Generation Really Thinks About Christianity ...An Why It Matters” Groundbreaking research from the Barna Group by Dave Kinnaman and Gabe Lyons
I'm concerned that the patriocentrists take such joy in their accomplishments of withdrawing from culture, including mainstream Christian culture, that they will not find the criticisms that the authors make in “unChristian” relevant. The patriocentrists (those in the “higher life” movements and in the so-called “Biblical patriarchy” movement) who ascribe to a Calvinistic or Reformed view often misinterpret Paul's discussion of election as cause for elitism that makes Christianity an exclusive practice of determining who is elect and who is not. The patriocentrics see themselves as God's chosen for election which adds an element of spiritual pride to their identity rather than the humble sense that without Christ they can do nothing and that they are nothing. All those who are not strongly identified with their privileged group become an object of disdain as those who hate and rebel against God.

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Sheltering Salt and Light? (from "unChristian")

Considering “Unchristian: What A New Generation Really Thinks About Christianity ...An Why It Matters” Groundbreaking research from the Barna Group by Dave Kinnaman and Gabe Lyons

The book of James tells us that true religion, pure and undefiled before the Father, includes two primary characteristics:

• Visiting (helping to support and provide for) the widows and the fatherless as they face their unique and difficult struggles as they live life without a provider


• Keeping oneself unspotted or uncorrupted by the world

These are very serious concerns and activities that all Christians must count as serious goals that their lives exemplify. Concerning patriocentricity, the earnest and concerned parents that get culled into the movement and the mentality become completely focused on avoiding corruption, but the often messy process of providing for widows and the fatherless so often falls to the wayside. I learned this virtue of caring for widows and fatherless when I was a child by participating with the less fortunate through my local church. Our (gender specific) youth programs for boys and girls were both home and foreign missions focused but also stressed personal responsibility and Christ-like conduct. I believe that it is possible to train children to do both in today's world, but I fear that many Family Integrated Churches are so self and survival oriented, that their children will never observe and be able to emulate the stewardship of their churches because the ministry opportunities just aren't there to emulate.

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Viewing People as Individuals, Not as Objects or Conquests (from "unChristian")

Considering “Unchristian: What A New Generation Really Thinks About Christianity ...An Why It Matters” Groundbreaking research from the Barna Group by Dave Kinnaman and Gabe Lyons


From pages 67 – 73:

Most [young outsiders] reject the idea that Christians show genuine interest in them as individuals. This was one of the largest gaps in our research: most Christians are convinced their efforts come across as genuine, but outsiders dispute that...

Only one-third of young outsiders believe that Christians genuinely care about them (34 percent). And most Christians are oblivious to these perceptions – 64 percent of Christians said they believe that outsiders would perceive their efforts as genuine. This is especially significant because Christians were very accurate in anticipating many of the negative perceptions of outsiders, but being perceived as insincere surprised believers. Showing genuine interest in someone is hard to fake...

Rather than being genuinely interested in people for their friendship, we often seem like spiritual headhunters...

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Addressing Our Own Hypocrisy Through Transparency (from "unChristian")

Considering “Unchristian: What A New Generation Really Thinks About Christianity ...An Why It Matters” Groundbreaking research from the Barna Group by Dave Kinnaman and Gabe Lyons


Spiritually abusive systems cannot avoid the consequences of their hypocrisy. Because the system operates around the unwritten but well understood rules that prohibit any questioning of both those in authority and of the doctrine itself, any Christian spiritually abusive groups live a life of hypocrisy. According to the authors of "unChristian," young people view that "doing what you say you are going to do" as among the characteristics that they most admired. This generation of people not only tolerate little hypocrisy but also have a keen ability to identify it. The authors say that fostering personal transperancy will "disarm" this "image-is-everything generation" (pg 56).

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*Recognizing Our Hypocrisy (from "unChristian")

When I went on a missions trip to Russia many years ago, many people from our team were invited to the home of a schoolteacher for dinner. We took our interpreter and went to dinner, hoping to deliver the Gospel message. As I read this chapter, I kept recalling what the teacher and her mother kept saying about why they could not be born of the Spirit: they said that they could not become good enough and live righteously enough to be worthy of the status.

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Born Again or Born Against? (from "unChristian")

Considering “Unchristian: What A New Generation Really Thinks About Christianity ...An Why It Matters” Groundbreaking research from the Barna Group by Dave Kinnaman and Gabe Lyons


From pages 29-30:
This book explores our research in six broad themes – the most common points of skepticism and objections raised by outsiders. Those six themes are as follows:

• Hypocritical. ...morally superior attitudes... pretend to be something unreal... polished image that is not accurate... the church is only a place for virtuous and morally pure people...
• Too focused on getting converts. Outsiders wonder if we genuinely care about them. They feel like targets rather than people.They question our motives...
• Antihomosexual. ...bigoted and show disdain... fixated on curing homosexuals... political solutions...
• Sheltered. ...old fashioned, boring and out of touch with reality... preferring simplistic solutions and answers... not willing to deal with the grit and grime of people's lives...
• Too political ....motivated by a political agenda...
• Judgmental. ...quick to judge... not honest about our attitudes and perspectives... They doubt that we really love people as we say we do...

...Let me reiterate that you may not agree with the views of outsiders, but you should not ignore them. We have to deal with Mosaics and Busters as they are – candid, irreverent, and brazen. If we do not, it makes their criticism even more forceful because it goes unanswered.

From “unChristian”

by Dave Kinnaman and Gabe Lyons

Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books, 2007

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Are You "unChristian?"

Considering “Unchristian: What A New Generation Really Thinks About Christianity ...An Why It Matters” Groundbreaking research from the Barna Group by Dave Kinnaman and Gabe Lyons

Note: This book does not discuss or advocate the emergent church. [I don't find some of the folks mentioned at the end of this clip to be a major selling point for me personally and I don't advocate the emergent church. ;-) ] Following the content of each chapter, the book features statements from a wide variety of Christians in response to the chapter topic.

From page 15:

One outsider from Mississippi made this blunt observation: “Christianity has become bloated with blind followers who would rather repeat slogans than
actually feel true compassion and care. Christianity has become marketed and streamlined into a juggernaut of fearmongering that has lost its own heart.”

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