Index of Posts Pertaining to the Childhood Roots of Victimization (Understanding the Role of Childhood Emotional Development in Spiritual Abuse)

Though it is true that all people are vulnerable to spiritual abuse when the conditions of their lives make them more vulnerable (new job, move to a new community, death of a loved one, etc.), for people who carry a great deal of shame, manipulative religion finds a greater manipulation potential through that shame. Failure to work through and successfully complete all of the emotional development of childhood leaves the adult with unmet needs for a sense of worth, peace, and safety which they will unconsciously seek to find through unhealthy ways, and often, people turn to spiritually abusive religion in an effort to heal themselves. Because such groups operate on deception and faulty premises, they tend to promise more than they can actually deliver to the individual, and that individual often finds themselves replaying or reenacting the dysfunctional dynamics of their childhoods out within their abusive religious system.

This series of posts came about through the exploration of the problems experienced by the survivors of Hephzibah House and how their experience of torture at the facility rendered them with a reduced capacity to self-protect. Though people who experience trauma encounter diminished self-protection, the finding is also a feature of adults who were raised in homes where their needs for emotional development were not sufficiently honored. Not for all, but for many who have suffered spiritual abuse, the experience also brings up an awareness of their own emotional development in childhood and points out areas that need healing. Those who identify with these problems in emotional development can benefit by learning about those needs so that they can heal and grow past them, finishing up what may have gone undone in the past.

The posts pertaining to these developmental needs are listed here and organized by topic. Though they stand alone as topics pertinent to spiritual abuse, they also offer additional contributing reasons and a primary developmental basis for why the survivors of Hephzibah House fail to protect themselves from harm after they leave.

You can now read all the posts in the series in one page at the archive site by linking HERE.

INTRODUCTION

• Misunderstanding and Intolerance of the the Characteristics of Children
  The gifts of childhood which children need to develop and get through the hard work of childhood: boundless energy, self-centeredness, and resilience
• Introduction to the Five Characteristics of Children
  Primary characteristics that the parent must anticipate and nurture in order to effectively shape and form a child's sense of self worth and emotional well-being: value, vulnerability, imperfection, dependency, and immaturity
• Relevance of the Topic to Spiritual Abuse Recovery  
• Discussion of mistaking the church and its traditions as an ineffective way of coping with the developmental deficits of childhood
• Problems with Drama and Using Religion to Manage Emotions In Adulthood

THE FIVE CHARACTERISTICS OF CHILDREN

(And DEFICITS in the development of those characteristics, leading to victimization)

• Value
  How Parents Prime Children for Victimization Through Faulty Ideas About Self Love/Esteem
• Vulnerability
  Priming a Child for Victimization or Predatory Behavior through Poor Regard for Developing Personal Boundaries and Vulnerability
• Imperfection
  How Piety and Perfectionism Prime a Child for Exploitation and Victimization
• Dependency
  How Parents Prime Children for Victimization through Ignorance, Neglect, and Abuse of Dependency Needs
• Immaturity
  How Parents Intolerance of a Child's Immaturity Creates both Victims and Abusers

VICTIMS OF CIRCUMSTANCE

(Fostering an External Locus Of Control)
Read all three posts together on a single page at the archive site by linking HERE.

• Shame-Based Parenting
  Adults who carry a great deal of shame unload that shame into others, including their children. Their children grow up into adults who carry intense shame who will look for ways to purge shame and comfort themselves.
• Enmeshed Parenting
  Parents who siphon love and nurture away from their children and back to themselves to fill their own emptiness deprive their children of health and growth. These children grow up into adults who need to find worthnd comfort outside of themselves.
• The Problem of Looking Outside of the Self to find Worth and Peace
  Both shame-oriented and enmeshed adults need to both alleviate their sense of internal shame (and negative emotion) and to find a source of worth (and positive emotion). Because they lack their own internal sense of worth, peace, and safety, they look to sources outside of themselves to fill these basic needs of self which are impermanent and outside of their own influence. Thus, immature parenting creates adult children that become victims of circumstance and victims for manipulators – or they create a new generation of manipulators and abusers.
  
  
  
  RESOURCES FOR HEALING

• Journey Out of Shame
  An updated list of books, audio, video, and other online help from both Christian and secular sources directly related to problems stemming from immature parenting and lack of respect for the characteristics and needs of children.
• Finding a Counselor to Help Specifically with Dysfunctional Family Issues
  Types of counseling, organizations, and questions to as a potential therapist
• Finding Healing Through the Twelve Steps: Recovery from the Emotional Wounds of Childhood (and from Spiritual Abuse)
  The central message for all hope and healing (via some blog host history)

For additional information on this topic, please visit this site's sister blog, Overcoming Botkin Syndrome, which is devoted to exploring dysfunctional relationships that are taught to the followers of patriarchy. If this the discussion of this topic has been especially helpful and pertinent, please explore the many excerpts from Christian sources featured there which address this topic in greater detail. Though the reader may not have grown up in the aberrant religion built around Christian homeschooling, they will identify with the common experience resulting from immature parenting.