I read
this
tweet from False Wayne Grudem the other day, and the problem that
it highlights has haunted me since:
Working
on my next book:
"Intentionally
Ignoring Victims' Stories,
According
to the Bible."
As I've
mentioned in part on this blog, I witnessed the bad fruit produced by
complementarianism in the lives of others, though I didn't know that
the belief system had a name. I also hear from countless people who
write to me for help or who share their sagas of abuse with me –
abuse that was excused, defended, justified, and promoted through
complementarianism. I don't claim that this population of whom I
speak are true of all who follow the belief system required by the
followers of and high priests at Council on Biblical Manhood and
Womanhood (CBMW), but they are still worthy of attention, compassion,
and care. Many of these abused ones have no voice or are too
distracted by their troubles to find their voice to raise it against
the injustice inflicted upon them. Captive to my conscience, I must
speak for them.
Disclaimers
versus Teaching and Action
I could
not help but think of the difficulties of living with or working
through a relationship with a person who avoids justice by
calling for mercy
prematurely. I thought of what it is like and how difficult it
is to be in a relationship with a person who abuses you in some way
without
acknowledging their behavior as abuse. My attention was then
drawn to this article
from an author
who I've quoted here in the past.
From George Simon's Character Disturbance:
There is a big difference between regretting the consequences to oneself of bad
behavior (e.g., getting caught, paying fines, receiving other social sanctions) and experiencing genuine empathy-based remorse for the injury caused to others.
For a person to experience any degree of genuine “contrition” which could prompt them to change their ways, two things must occur:
1. they not only have to feel genuinely badly about what they have done (i.e. guilty), but they must also be internally unnerved about the kind of person
2. they must have allowed themselves to become (i.e. shameful) to have behaved so irresponsibly.
Their shame and guilt must then propel them to make of themselves a better person. True contrition always involves what the ancient Greek philosophers termed “metanoia” or “a change of heart.”
Read more from George Simon about Contrition HERE.
I then
thought of CBMW's Statement
on Abuse, yet another disclaimer which allows them to state that
they believe one thing while they teach and enforce another. For
years, people have voiced the problem of abuse that arises directly
from their teachings, but CBMW denies the veracity of the accounts
and minimizes them. Then, they fall to the typical mantras that are
so often heard in high demand religion and cults, all wrapped around
the Sacred
Science, the Demand
for Purity, and Doctrine
over Person: “You
just don't understand what we've taught.” “You are confused.”
“You're just doing it wrong.” “You failed to get results when
following our paradigm because of sins of which you will not repent.”
On
the rare occasion that the group acknowledges abuse, they claim that
the abuse validates
their paradigm, refusing to entertain anything other than the purity
of their doctrine. They retreat to their submission
doctrines, umbrella
of authority beliefs, and the ways
of shepherding as a scapegoat for the bad outcomes.
Please
take a closer look at the disclaimer that is made and that which it
alleges.
From CBMW's Statement on Abuse (emphasis mine):
- We are confident of the power of God’s healing love to restore relationships fractured by abuse, but we realize that repentance, forgiveness, wholeness, and reconciliation is a process. Both abusers and abused are in need of on-going counseling, support and accountability.
- In instances where abusers are unrepentant and/or unwilling to make significant steps toward change, we believe that the Christian community must respond with firm discipline of the abuser and advocacy, support and protection of the abused.
- We
believe that by the power of God’s Spirit, the Christian community
can be an instrument of God’s love and healing for those involved
in abusive relationships and an example of wholeness in a fractured,
broken world.
If the
Council and those who support it really believed in the imperative of
responding to the abused, firm discipline for the abuser, and the
advocacy, support, and protection of the abused, I think that their
response to this heinous problem in the Church would be much
different that the one that we see. We would not be considered and censured as “confused.”
One of my favorite books is Dostoyevsky’s Brothers
Karamazov which
illustrates a variety of destructive consequences that result from
unwise ideas. I become heartsick when I realize that I've made
errors or even when making no errors, my actions create pain for
others. Those raised with a shame-existence
bind feel this type of pain and burden of responsibility even
more acutely. You do all that you can to intercede and to restore
those who have been hurt. You also feel a special burden for those
who have suffered like you have.
Why then
do we see such a callous response to the problem of abuse in
complementarian marriages – that is marriages that follow the CBMW
paradigm? At the very least, wouldn't you expect the Council to have
a committee or an initiative to help their followers understand and
properly respond to the problem of the various kinds of abuse that
people suffer? Wouldn't there be a ministry extending care to those
who have been hurt? Instead, CBMW and its agents deliver
condemnation and threat. "There is no problem." The problem is said
to be a consequence of the abused own foolish behavior. There are
few responses that I find so foolish.
Read more about the Statement on Abuse (pdf) at Barbara Roberts' website, Not Under Bondage, named for her book which bears the same title. She also blogs regularly at A Cry for Justice.
The
Petition
This
problem represents one of the important reasons behind the Freedom
for Christian Women's Coalition's petition to CBMW to apologize
and repent. The responses that critics and wounded people receive
from the group belies their disclaimers in so many ways!
If you
have not already done so, please
review the petition and join us in signing it. Deeply consider
what you believe about the organization and put your actions behind
those beliefs. Don't let your words and your heart belie your
worship of God through action.
