A few weeks ago, I received a letter
from someone who had questions about some comments made at his new
church. He questioned whether the church taught an abusive version
of a chain of command gender hierarchy because of some of the
language they used or whether they'd just borrowed a common buzz term
from another group. There are no easy answers to such questions, as
nothing is a litmus test. A person must become familiar with the
problems of spiritual abuse and then evaluate whether the group in
question follows those dynamics.
In that discussion which I may end up
posting here online, the subject of Christmas Trees popped into my
mind. Nineteen years ago, this was a hot topic at the time we were
being inducted and love bombed into our cultic church. I wish I
understood then what I do now, and the subject of Christmas Trees
could have been a warning to us. But isn't that the plight of the
young, and those benefits of wisdom that we just have to learn the
hard way sometimes?
Within a month or so of a move from
half way across the country and into an unfamiliar area, we started
attending a new church and found a new great ease making friends. We
tend toward introversion, but it appeared that we'd finally found a
place that we fit into quite well, as though we found the right match
in a “church for us.” We did go out of our way to meet new
people and to establish new relationships, as we'd moved away from
jobs that demanded the grand chunk of our time, both because of
workload and shift work. Everything seemed spontaneous, but in
hindsight, we understand now that we were being groomed and
manipulated. (The best of skilled manipulators and expert “love
bomb systems” create the illusion of spontaneity, and you generally
don't realize that you've been taken in until after you've
experienced some degree of loss or harm.)
We jumped into the group in the Spring
of '93, and we started making friends at the time, significant
because of the time of year. We had friends over for dinner and
started striking up all kinds of conversations along the way in
the Spring. We found it odd when a few people asked us
whether we displayed a Christmas Tree. We did not realize that we
had been targeted to take over a small, mid-week cell group, and I
could understand if that elder at the church who chose us had asked
us if displayed a Christmas Tree as a part of their evaluation of us.
This elder's wife may have asked us, but if so, she did after we'd
been fairly desensitized to the question popping up in May (as
opposed to November when one plans to put up a tree). I believe that
the elder did not ask us specifically until months later, because I
recall being so shocked at his very strong and negative opinion on
the subject which I would have definitely seen as a red flag at the
time when we were just settling in to church life.
Initially, my husband and I speculated
about why the subject of Christmas Trees in May might
be relevant or why people would ask about it at all. Don't all
Christians put up Christmas Trees as one of many ways Christians
celebrate the birth of Jesus? We had several photos and paintings
from my husband's home town of Bethlehem, PA round about our house,
the “Christmas City USA” that Count Zinzendorf sent
Moravian missionaries out from Moravia (Bohemia/Austria/Czech region)
to establish. My husband and I took a sense of pride in our many
connections to the Moravians who were birthed by Jan
Hus (or Jon Hus as the name is sometimes noted), a protestant who
significantly pre-dated the Reformation and was martyred in 1415 for
rejecting problematic doctrines and abuses within Catholicism. Count
Zinzendorf was a nobleman, musician, and terribly interesting
character in the 18th Century who had been significantly
by the writings of Hus, and he helped to fund the
very first large scale Protestant missionary effort
As something religious that makes us
unique, we considered that perhaps the Bethlehem and notably
Christmas element such as the Moravian
Stars and such hanging about in our home put the idea of
Christmas in people's minds. (The Moravian missionaries used
elements of Christmas celebrations as talking points to introduce the
Gospel, even predating the Moravian tradition of the glass star
lamps.) This explanation seemed plausible when we were asked about a
photo of Central Moravian's bell tower or why we had stars and
beeswax candles sitting about about, but it seemed less plausible
when people broached the topic away from our home. We figured that
it was a regional thing – perhaps people in Maryland had a thing
with Christmas Trees? Either way, it didn't quite make sense to us
and seemed increasingly less strange, assuming that it has been an
issue of discussion among people in that homegroup with a story
behind it that was not worth asking about. We were very happy and we
didn't see any reason to investigate any further. We were not
suspicious and we had a great need to be a part of the community
after moving and after our work schedules has limited our ability to
get more involved at a church at our previous home.
Now that I've had the opportunity to
revisit the Moravian joy of celebrating Christmas, what can be
learned from this Christmas Tree example and why did it pop into my
mind as I wrote to this gentleman a few weeks ago?
I believe that the provocative nature
of Christmas Trees at our church could have been a sign of the
legalism within the church and how the church preferred uniformity
(over unity within diversity). When we were being wooed and groomed
in those first months at our new church which would eventually seem
as cultic as any group of Moonies to us at the end of our experience
there, the leaders and even the well-trained members don't want to
introduce controversy during that process. These types of churches
are not interested in providing full disclosure to ensure a good fit
for prospective members, giving them informed consent about the
church. They're interested in promoting a sparkling and idealized
view of the church, so the true elements about the Christmas Tree
controversy came through, but not notably. If we had believed that
Christians used such tactics to recruit and retain members, we would
have approached the odd and seemingly benign discussion differently.
But we didn't suspect anything, and more importantly, we didn't want
to suspect anything. We had a need to believe that this church was
everything we'd ever hoped for in a church, so we let confirmation
bias distract us.
I should also note that in addition to
the grooming process and love bombing that manipulative religions use
to facilitate members' identification with the group and its members,
many of these groups often cycle through periods of being more and
less controlling, very much like the cycle of abuse that occurs
between individuals. These systems are effective, but they are not
perfect. These churches need to respond to crises to control damage
and doctrine, and to maintain their authority over members. They
also need to keep people comfortable enough within the group so that
they remain in the group after unpleasant experiences that effect the
community.
Following crises, be they crises that
affect the church or those that only affect leadership, such
manipulative churches will cycle through periods when the leaders
present a more laissez faire attitude and level of control. But as
in many abusive relationships that operate under passive aggressive
rules instead of through healthy communication and mutual respect,
eventually tension will build, and leaders will shift back into more
controlling behavior. In our personal perfect storm of involvement
with this cultic evangelical church with the Christmas Tree issue, we
entered into the system shortly after a large scandal when an elder
left the church against the wishes of the other leaders and the
pastor. We came in at the least abusive phase in the cycle of the
life of this church, so our first impressions of it were quite
different than if we happened to first visit there when the leaders
were preaching against “independent spirits” and pounding fists
on the podium during Sunday morning sermons.
In retrospect and
after much study about the dynamics of manipulative religious groups,
I see those early questions from rank and file members of the group
as a cue to how the church taught Christian liberty and how they
offered liberty to members. It told a story of the issues with dogma
and control within the congregation and how it affected everyone in
the congregation (when it later proved to be a hobby horse for some
leaders in the group and not a primary issue for the whole church).
The strong opinion of the elder with whom we had close contact
initially concerning the celebration of Christmas would later put the
questions of concern about Christmas into perspective for us, but we
were not as sensitive to the odd nature of those questions as we
could have been when it first came up as a matter of concern. We
could have been more sensitive to that gut feeling that something was
wrong. Rather than assuming that we were being too critical, we
could have paid attention to our feelings and honored them by not
completely dismissing them. Though I'm glad that the history can now
be an object lesson in how to pick up on how liberty and manipulation
work within a church, I wish that both my husband and I had not
assumed that we were looking at the situation in the wrong way. I
wish we had maintained more of a mindfulness of that dynamic as an
example of how problems were handled in the church instead of
dismissing it as an issue of a new culture.
I learned at our
ladies Christmas meeting that year that the church displayed the very
first Christmas Tree in the building for the first time in many
years, and I chose to see it at that time that the church worked
through a matter of concern for them and came to a conclusion that
was healthy (because it was consistent with my preferences). If the
elders had decided that Christmas Trees and other German Moravian
traditions that we loved were verboten, I would have
interpreted the matter as a sign of legalism. The truth is that the
church suffered serious problems with legalism, but as luck would
have it, that particular decision at that time fell in well with my
own comfort zone. After more experience with that group, many other
decisions would be made that were not consistent with my own
preferences or my comfort, and worse, many were inconsistent with my
convictions about what the Bible teaches.
If you find
yourself in a group or a church where things just seem a little odd,
I encourage you to pay attention to that feeling. Don't make
premature assumptions about what is happening, especially if you have
a vested interest in ignoring those little checks and lack of ease
because you really like the other elements, characteristics, and
benefits of the group. Use them to remind yourself that nothing in
this life is truly ideal, even though that some places and systems
will be a better for you than others. Use them as cues to pay
greater attention to just take in information as opposed to a cause
to dismiss information. You don't have to make a rash decision.
Self awareness and paying attention to that feeling that something
seems a bit odd or off center does not demand an attitude of cynicism
or a response. Just take in that which seems inconsistent and keep
it instead of throwing it away. This is one of God's gifts and a
function of discernment, and from place of good and wise discernment,
you can use this kind of information to make wiser choices.
Another
consideration in terms of spiritual abuse concerns how peripheral
doctrines can invade and distract your church leaders from the
central elements of the faith and the gospel. One of the elements or
criteria of spiritual
abuse as David Henke defined it concerns a focus on doctrines or
practices that eventually become more important than the Gospel
message and the central elements and practice of Christianity.
Spiritual abusive groups strive to prove that they are different and
better than all other Christians, and they use hobby horse issues
like Christmas traditions (or
protest of them) to prove to others and themselves that they are
special to God. No one is as seriously committed to God as we are,
and you can tell because we are so committed that we oppose
Christmas. This is quite a bit different than speaking out about
postmodern commercialization of a holy day in the liturgical year, or
even that the liturgy might be a tradition of men. Those discussions
point out that the affection of our heart should be fixed on Jesus
and not outward things. These hobby horse doctrines concerning pious
abstinence from or vehement denouncement of the traditions practiced
by committed evangelical Christians focus not only capitalize on
fear, shame, and condemnation, they are designed to make a
sensational statement to others to prove that the religious group is
special and better than all of the others.
At this time of
year, perhaps the discussion of the strengths and weaknesses in how
Christians celebrate Advent can give you some clues about how your
church or your leaders respond. I tend to be less influenced by what
people think about my traditions and whether they measure up to
expectations of preference and whether they honor God and bring glory
to Jesus. Christmas may have been set in December because of some
pagan festival or the evil “Catholic” calendar , but I am quite
reluctant to let any of that rob me of the celebration of Christmas.
I know it as home, history, and as a tool of evangelism which great
men and women used to share the message of God's love and grace in
the town where I was born. I encourage you to follow your own
convictions, but I challenge you to consider whether they are your
own convictions and not just something you've assumed or taken for
granted. I choose to embrace the liberty afforded us in Christ to
see Christmas as a cause for celebration, and if Christmas did have
some pagan origin, the Moravians, Zinzendorf, and Hus have certainly
redeemed it for Christ and for me.
Embrace and enjoy
liberty this season, and may yours be blessed.
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| The traditional "Putz" (the Nativity display) at Central Moravian Church, Bethlehem, PA |
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