Monday, June 30, 2008

Another ?"Botkin Syndrome"? Checklist





PLEASE READ THIS POST!










There are seven more posts of information from Kenneth Adams' book ("Silently Seduced") to follow, but I thought I'd take an interlude and offer Dr. Patricia Love's checklist as noted in the inside cover of the paperback edition of "The Emotional Incest Syndrome."


I've called this "Botkin Syndrome" to represent the phenomenon and patterns of emotional incest or covert incest (or love addiction/love avoidance) when it is taught by and modeled within Family Integrated Churches (FIC), and those churches associated with the so-called "Biblical patriarchy movement"/patriocentricity.

If you follow the family paradigm taught by these groups, I only ask that you read and consider this information. I believe that the truth of it will resonate and remain with you, even if it is filed away in the back of your mind. As it was with me, the truth of it from examples in my own life were astounding. Twenty years ago, I could have written most of this list as a description of my own feelings without any coaching. If you baulk at it today, that's okay. It is my hope that it will return to your remembrance later, as it did for me when the truth of it remained.


More on Daddy's Little Girl: Adams on Covert Incest (?"Botkin Syndrome"?)



The following is a post from the "thatmom: real encouragement for real homeschooling moms" blog. It followed after a long discussion of enmeshment and inappropriate fixations on gender within the patriarchy movement. It is nearly all the way at the bottom of the thread entitled

the great divide: patriocentrists on one side, thinking women on the other.

The blog does not allow linking to specific comments, but at this time, this comment appears at the very end of the list of comments on this thread. I draw attention to it because it sounds very much like the passage that I quoted from Adams in my previous post discussing "Daddy's Little Girl."

Thanks to "Anne2" who was so kind to find this for me, pointing it out to me on the True Womanhood website. It is another example of "covert" or non-sexual but gender related incest between a father and daughter in the "Family Integrated Church" movement.


Sunday, June 29, 2008

Daddy's Little Girl: Adams on Covert Incest (?"Botkin Syndrome"?)



"Tears" photo by Crimfants on Flickr.com



Series of posts about Covert Incest from “Silently Seduced” by Kenneth Adams. Exploring the dynamics of covert (emotional or non-sexual but gender-related) incest.
.
Consider his writings to determine for yourself whether Adams description applies to the “daughterhood movement” concepts of children giving their hearts to their fathers as advocated by the Botkins and patriocentrists (?“Botkin Syndrome”?).



From pages 50 – 52:

Rebecca had been her family's princess. On the outside, she seemed to have it all. She was indulged by her parents and seldom held accountable for any misbehavior. Rebecca frequently received special privileges and rarely wanted for anything. Her siblings hated her, and her friends were envious. It was difficult to imagine that a child treated as so special could have been so deeply injured. She was adored by her father. As she described the specialness her father felt toward her, the emotional damage she endured became clearer. Rebecca's father treated her more like his mistress than his daughter.

Child Used To Meet Parent's Needs: Adams On Covert Incest (?"Botkin Syndrome"?)



Series of posts about Covert Incest from “Silently Seduced” by Kenneth Adams. Exploring the dynamics of covert (emotional or non-sexual but gender-related) incest.
.
Consider his writings to determine for yourself whether Adams description applies to the “daughterhood movement” concepts of children giving their hearts to their fathers as advocated by the Botkins and patriocentrists (?“Botkin Syndrome”?).


 
From pages 11 - 12:

Since the parent-child relationship is used to meet the needs of the parent in the psychological marriage, the child feels ashamed of legitimate needs. A child seeking to have those needs met by the parent fears loss of the parent. As unhealthy as it is, the child has no choice but to actively participate in meeting the parent's needs. The child already feels emotionally abandoned, and expressing needs raises the fear of more abandonment. Children do not have the cognitive capacity to see the situation as it is. They are trapped.

Saturday, June 28, 2008

Distinguishing Overt From Covert: Adams on Covert Incest (?"Botkin Syndrome"?)


Series of posts about Covert Incest from “Silently Seduced” by Kenneth Adams. Exploring the dynamics of covert (emotional or non-sexual but gender-related) incest.
.
Consider his writings to determine for yourself whether Adams description applies to the “daughterhood movement” concepts of children giving their hearts to their fathers as advocated by the Botkins and patriocentrists (?“Botkin Syndrome”?).

From pages 9 – 11:

Covert incest occurs when a child becomes the object of a parent's affection, love, passion and preoccupation. The parent, motivated by the loneliness and emptiness created by a chronically troubled marriage or relationship, makes the child a surrogate partner. This boundary between caring and incestuous love is crossed when the relationship with the child exists to meet the needs of the parent rather than those of the child. As the deterioration in the marriage progresses, the dependency on the child becomes increasingly characterized by desperation, jealousy and a disregard for personal boundaries. The child becomes an object to be manipulated and used so the parent can avoid the pain and reality of a troubled marriage.

The child feels used and trapped, the same feelings that overt incest victims experience... Over time, the child becomes more preoccupied with the parent's needs and feels protective and concerned. A psychological marriage between parent and child results. The child becomes the parent's surrogate spouse...

Introduction: Adams on Covert Incest (? "Botkin Syndrome" ?)


A New Series of Posts on Covert Incest

(non-sexual, gender-related emotional or psychological enmeshment with a parent)





Adams wrote about Covert Incest in “Silently Seduced,” the dynamics responsible for the development of what Pia Mellody describes as the Love Addicted and Love Avoidant Syndrome (a more detailed and specific concept than the more general understanding of covert incest). Adams' model does not describe the gender specific implications in the same manner as Mellody, but they figure prominently. Consider his writings to determine for yourself whether Adams description applies to the “daughterhood movement” concepts of children giving their hearts to their fathers as advocated by the Botkins and other patriocentric teachings.

From pages 2 -4:

There is nothing loving or caring about a close parent-child relationship when it services the needs and feelings of the parent rather than the child. “Feeling close” with your parents, particularly the opposite-sex parent, is not the source of comfort the image suggests. It is a relationship in which the individual, both as a child and later as an adult, feels silently seduced by the parent. Feelings of appreciation and gratitude do not prevail in these “close relationships.” Instead they are a source of confusing, progressive rage.

Friday, June 27, 2008

A Wife Calls Abuse Down On Her Own Head? And "Spawn For Salvation" (Salvation Through the Womb And Not The Cross)

"A Republican Form of Government and No Domestic Violence" from Harper's Weekly, March 6, 1875


The other day, I received an email with a link to Denny Burk's blog. I wish I were in a better place to be able to discuss this topic, but I am absorbed by another matter. Oddly, it is peripherally related to this subject, a topic also mentioned as an example by a very ignorant person offered in a comment to justify Ware. When I'm in a better frame of mind and reference, I may share my opinions and evaluation of this. I very well may not need to do so. The wise women who are responding to this on Burk's blog, a couple of whom I boast as dear friends, are doing a stellar job. Oh my! Women thinking again? I don't think that the zealous, hard complementarians like that kind of thing too much. Skirts and theology don't mix, and it's taboo in some circles to suggest that committed, Bible-loving believing women can challenge a theology professor. (Where are all the qualified men who should be doing so?) The discussion there, when last I looked, concerned how a woman's behavior calls down physical abuse on her own head, somehow making the man less culpable if not somewhat helpless against circumstances. And I cannot remotely begin to address this issue now. Feel free to read the trenchant discussion on that blog.

Bruce Ware has further delineated his ideas on the subject of women, submission in marriage and abuse. I've heard some similar ideas from Russell Moore, but the statements were not this straightforward. (It makes me wonder if the faculty at SBTS are even permitted to disagree with one another or whether they are all just required to read from the same, authorized script. This should never be confused with the "authorized verson.") So it seems that my joking that I Timothy 2:15 would replace John 3:16 and Ephesians 2:8-9 for women only was not so far from the truth.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Abuse Role Assignment Within Family: Thoughts on Love Avoidance And Love Addiction



Part IV: From the writings of Pia Mellody on Love Avoidance and Love Addiction (The dynamics of non-sexual incest)

Roles Assigned to Child With Enmeshing Abuse

Note: A child can fill both positive and negative roles.

“Positive Roles”
  • Hero or heroine
  • Counselor
  • Surrogate parners
  • Surrogate parent
  • Mediator
  • Mascot
  • Daddy's Little Girl (a ROLE, not a name said in passing)
  • Daddy's Little Man
  • Mommy's Little Girl
  • Mommy's Little Man
In Enmeshment,

Monday, June 23, 2008

Types of Trauma: Thoughts on Love Addiction and Love Avoidance


Part III:
From the writings of Pia Mellody on Love Addiction and Love Avoidance (the dynamics of non-sexual incest)




Trauma Descriptions

Enmeshment Trauma

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Development: Thoughts on Love Addiction and Love Avoidance


Part II: From the writings of Pia Mellody on Love Addiction and Love Avoidance (The dynamics of non-sexual incest)

Note: The child who experiences this abnormal parenting will associate the issues with people of the same sex as the parent. If a child experiences neglect and abandonment with a female parent, they likely will develop love addiction in their relationships with women. If the child experiences enmeshment with a female parent, they will be live avoidant with women. It is the same with a male parent (or caregiver). The association need not relate to sex but it carries with it an association with gender.

Saturday, June 21, 2008

The Dance: Thoughts on Love Addiction and Love Avoidance



Part V: From the writings of Pia Melody on Love Avoidance and Love Addiction (The Dynamics of emotional, non-sexual incest)


The Cyclic Dance Between

Love Addicted and Love Avoidant Partners



Love Addicted


Greatest fear is that of abandonment with an underlying fear of intimacy.

Love Avoidant


Greatest fear is that of intimacy with an underlying fear of abandonment.



1. Enters relationship out of duty, not love

1. Is responsive to the avoidant's seductiveness and enters the relationship.



2. Enters behind wall of seduction (which actually impedes intimacy)

2. Denies partner's walls and importance of life outside the relationship.


3. Experiences an event that shatters the denial.

3. Becomes overwhelmed by the neediness of the partner and moves from the wall of seduction

4. Emotional withdrawal from fantasy


Feelings:

Pain anger fear rage shame panic suicide


This is a psychological emergency of worthlessness

4. Escapes the relationship: In some way, creates distance from the partner


Feelings:

Avoided

5. Obsesses and medicates to get out of the feelings of the withdrawal from the relationship.


Feelings:

Self-destructive behavior

5. Creates intensity outside of primary relationship and can use addictions or thrill-seeking.


Feelings:

Anger and revenge


Either the fantasy is rejected and the relationship ended

OR The Love Addict


Resolves the conflict and the cycle is repeated. The relationship becomes a repeating of the cycle. Returns to the relationship out of FEAR of abandonment.

Either the relationship ends


OR The Love Avoidant


Becomes overwhelmed with GUILT for abandoning responsibilities (because self-worth is derived from rescuing and care-taking) and returns to the relationship.






I have taken all of this material and that which I will present from Pia Mellody's writings and lectures, and my professional training with "The Meadows" treatment facility. This is all her her copyrighted work that I am citing here for educational purposes only!!!


Thoughts on Love Addiction And Love Avoidance: An Introduction


I have received several emails about this issue, so I have decided to post a series on the basics of "Love Addiction and Love Avoidance."

I have taken all of this material and that which I will present from Pia Mellody's writings and lectures, and my professional training with "The Meadows" treatment facility. This is all her her copyrighted work that I am citing here for educational purposes only!!!


Pia Mellody, Senior Clinical Advisor for The Meadows and Clinical Consultant for Mellody House and Dakota, is known and respected as a preeminent authority, lecturer and educator in the fields of addictions and relationships. Her work in codependence, boundaries, and the effects of childhood trauma on emotional development has profoundly influenced the treatment of addictions and issues around forming and maintaining relationships. She is the author of several extraordinary books, including Facing Codependence, Facing Love Addiction and her latest book, The Intimacy Factor. As one of the pioneers in the field of recovery, she developed theories on the effects of childhood trauma that became the foundation for The Meadows� programs and are, in large measure, the reason for its success. Much of her work at The Meadows includes counseling with staff and individual patients. A highly acclaimed lecturer, she maintains a schedule of speaking engagements and training workshops throughout the world.


INTRODUCTION


Love Addiction and Avoidance are not about love at all. It is all about trauma reactions inside a relationship. Love starts with thought which requires an awareness of self or others that allows you to hold both in warm regard. Those who are “hard to love” require “heaving lifting” for the other party because the respect and love are not reciprocated or done so evenly. Respect is a willingness to tolerate others violations, even when you really don't have to do so. All this requires self esteem.


Note that we have three basic human needs that are God given and easily compared: love, sex and food. Just as with any need, we can manage any one of these inappropriately or to extreme. In terms of extremes, we can seek out fulfillment compulsively (like an addiction) or we can avoid and deny our needs compulsively. Both of these unbalanced extremes are self-destructive.


We all face disappointment and shame which Mellody calls “experiencing our humanity.” For the Christian, this would be experiencing our sin nature and the shame and disappointment in our failure to overcome our natural desires that have not yet been transformed to be like Christ. Until our degree and process of becoming like Jesus and our level of sanctification grows, we tend to fall into the same human trappings as everyone else. We tend to confuse love with caretaking. We tend to go about this in predictable pattern.



Two Patterns

Pattern 1: Love Addiction


All about making up a fantasy about another person and falling in love with the fantasy


The fantasy involves

  • seeing the other person as god-like
  • capable of saving the love addict from his/her fear of not being able to make it on his/her own
  • and loving him/her forever.
  • They are someone who will “love you into loving yourself.”
  • The fantasy objectifies the partner or the counter part in the unhealthy relationship (reducing them to an object of fantasy).
  • This actually means that the partner is not acceptable to the love addict, therefore the love addict objectifies them by seeing them in terms of their own fantasy and not as the partner really is.


Pattern 2: Love Avoidance


Compulsive relational cycle that appears to be intimate but actually avoids intimacy and vulnerability

The love avoidant

  • gets a sense of value from (compulsive) caretaking
  • the partner confuses this with love
  • They are “allergic to vulnerability”
  • Their sense of value comes from caretaking and is a means of avoiding guilt.


Relational Connections in Childhood


Type I: Healthy Relationship


  • A relationship of Functional Bonding: Caregiver takes appropriate car of the child (affirming, nurturing, and limit setting)
  • Caregiver takes care of the child and uses personal boundaries which protect the child appropriately.
  • The care and responsibility for the child rests completely upon the adult caregiver.


Type II: Caregiver Uses the Child

  • A relationship of Enmeshment: Caregiver uses the child to take care of himself/herself (affirming and nurturing must be earned by the child and must provide these to the parent as well)
  • Caregiver is without personal boundaries
  • The care and responsibility is partly provided by the parent, but the child is also required to reciprocate for the benefit of the parent)
  • Produces a Love Avoidant type adult because the child resents the usury on some level. (Demanded sacrifice as a duty or obligation will always produce some degree of resentment.)



Type III: Caregiver Abandons the Child

  • A relationship of Neglect/Rejection (Can be a partial neglect or inconsistent abandonment and neglect, or complete abandonment)
  • Caregiver is detatched and "walled-in"
  • The parent provides no care and bears no responsibility for the child and has no functional relationship with the child at all.
  • Produces a Love Avoidant type adult because the child is always seeking the fantasy of love and attention.


Friday, June 20, 2008

From the "Return of the Daughters" to the Liberation of the Daughters of the King: Resources to Combat Botkin Syndrome
























The teachings of the Botkin family, including Geoff Botkin and his daughters Elizabeth and Anna Sophia promote many unhealthy patterns of enmeshment and family dysfunction according to the professional addictions and recovery literature. Many who have reviewed their teachings believe that their ideology hinges critically on their misinterpretation and eisegesis concerning Chapter 30 of the Old Testament Book of Numbers. For additional information refuting many of these teachings from the Old Testament using Orthodox Judaism as a contrast, please review this collection of posts from Maurice Lamm's “The Jewish Way in Love and Marriage,” and check with the True Womanhood website for discussions on these matters. True Womanhood soon plans to post a new topical index of the discussions on many long threads including the “Visionary Daughters” (the Botkin Sisters) and the 7th thread discussing the patriocentric oddity known as the “Prairie Muffin Manifesto” for an easier reference to the discussions of their teachings.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Converging Thoughts and Divergent Thinking (Speculations on the Tension Between Divine and Human Agency)


My husband and I think in different ways, but we often come to so many same conclusions independently and even say the same things at the same time. If a week goes by when we fail to utter the same unexpected comment simultaneously, I wonder if there is trouble in our relationship. So it's odd to consider how I comprehend things in terms of global perspective (borrowing a term from Cynthia Ulrich Tobias – Remember her of FoF fame, Moms?) and he comprehends best by looking at the finer details first. I quickly become uncomfortable without the overview when I am handed too many fine details, not knowing where to put them. He needs the specific, objective details first, as they help orient him. I'm all about framing out the house and getting the plywood on the roof before I can begin to worry about shingles, and he is all about the shingles and the budget. So far, we have been a wonderful match for one another, showing complementary strengths.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

More on the Mental Burqa


Richard of By His Grace, For His Glory has come up with a different graphic that is now displayed on the White Washed Feminists website sidebar, but I would like to make note here that it was Jeanette of Taliban Rising who officially coined the phrase.

Jeanette contacted me after finding the patriarchy video on YouTube (from the workshop I gave as an invited lecturer at an unnamed apologetics organization at an unnamed Baptist seminary in March). She wanted to talk to me because there is a similar patriocentric movement in the Roman Catholic Church, and the parallels are very striking, if not disturbing. This Roman Catholic analog to the so-called "Biblical patriarchy" movement in Protestant churches also focuses on homeschooling, and according to Jeanette, has connections to the neo-nazi groups in Europe. Also interwoven more directly is the concept of "Perennialism," which the Chambers Initiative notes thusly as it pertains to patriocentrism:

Monday, June 16, 2008

No More Jesus Junk!




Back in my early twenties, I loved the T-Shirts. I have a couple that are understated and cute. I had a collection of pro-life ones. I loved one that had the Statue of Liberty holding a baby that said "Liberty Delivers Life" on it. (And we were involved in crisis pregnancy center work, so it wasn't just empty and a nice idea.) My other favorite shirts were lesser known ones that had NT verses in Hebrew on them and the English translation on the back. And I was sorry to see my old car with the "Equal rights for unborn women" bumper sticker go when I sold it (it had a symbol for women with a small one inside the circle).

And then I got a belly full of the the fakery in the spiritually abusive church that I attended. Most other Christians who had not been through the process wanted nothing to do with us, and some who did wanted to avoid the topic because they had "cult hopped." (People who do not deal with the issues and learn about the dynamics usually just join up with groups that are just as abusive as the one that they left.) The superficial implications of the t-shirt messages seemed too hypocritical. Most of the church, suddenly, became all very superficial to me and completely unable to make good on most of the claims on those shirts. When your church wants you to (or just declares that you will) just crawl away and die or gives you the option to come back and have what amounts to a lobotomy, it really does not seem like liberty delivers life. (I didn't believe that the concept was no longer true, but the religious context of it seemed like near-total hypocrisy to me. It certainly was not anything that I wanted to declare on a t-shirt.) And time was marching me into my thirties. T-shirts seemed to loose their luster.

Vision Forum Heresy



Well, it seems I'm not the only person that takes issue with the neo-pagan ersatz-Calvinist catechism Mishnah of the patriocentrics.
Joy, a frequent blogger and second generation homeschooler, reported on her experience at the Home Educators Association of Virginia Conference that was held recently in Richmond. She attended the session presented by Elizabeth and Anna Sophia Botkin, the Vision Forum affiliated “Visionary Daughters.” Read some of this content, originally posted on the True Womanhood blog, detailing some of the cries of “heresy” in response to the Vision Forum message. You can link there to read more about her experiences and read some of the content presented by the Botkin Sisters.

Sunday, June 15, 2008

The Power of Words to Take Our Pain and Make It Worse



I've mentioned online before how the death of my godparents' daughter deeply affected me and, in many ways, defined me. If you've heard this story before, it may have a different twist in this telling of it. My godparents walked through the troublesome circumstances of my birth along with my parents, supporting them through what they thought would resolve in my death as a newborn. Their daughter, Anne, would have been six years old at the time I teetered at the threshold of death. I think that it's ironic that when turned six years old that I would be in a similar situation, begging for God to spare Anne's life, even at the expense of my own.

When in labor with me, my mother was given Demerol during a long labor which stopped her contractions and likely caused me to aspirate. I had both APGAR scores of “2” and seized for the better part of three days. (Today, if a baby is less than 8 at 10 minutes after delivery, in many hospitals, they spend time in NICU for observation.) As my mother tells the story, the doctor who would eventually become the Director of Pediatrics at that hospital spent three days and nights at my bedside, carrying a hint of the time that our Savior spent in the grave before He arose with the keys of death, hell and the grave. It was certain that I would die and my grandfather went out just a few hours after I was born to buy burial plots for the family. One would soon be needed. I after the first three days of seizures stopped, I lingered on the ventilator as everyone waited for me to just give up on clinging to life. In the very rare chance that I came off ventilation and somehow lived, my parents were told that I would have to be institutionalized because of all the signs of severe brain damage that I demonstrated.

A Mother's Survivor Guilt: A Prelude to the Next Post

I've never met a mother who lost a loved and wanted unborn baby or a child who was in their care who did not ask themselves whether they did something to harm their loved one or whether there was something that they could have done to save their child. Particularly when a pregnant mother loses her unborn baby to a miscarriage, there is a period when she recalls and reviews and scrutinizes all that she did, questioning whether she did something to cause her baby's demise, questioning if there is a punishment due. I don't know of a nurse or a doctor worth their salt who fought to save a person from death who does not stop at some point and ask themselves if there was more that could have been done. For the best of doctors and nurses, arriving at the place of realization when all has been done to no avail is hard place that is full of grief and bitter disappointment. It is oft disguised in anger or perfectionism or in laughter and jokes. But I assure you that it is there somewhere.

For those who live in the realization of loss of another's life, these can be haunting questions. They cover you in the midst of the dark night of one's soul as you struggle to make some sense of tragedy. It's not a place that anyone should resign themselves to live.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Teens and Judgementalism In Our Message (from "unChristian")




ConsideringUnchristian: What A New Generation Really Thinks About Christianity ...An Why It MattersGroundbreaking research from the Barna Group by Dave Kinnaman and Gabe Lyons

My training as a Christian focused on my ability to be able to declare the truth, not to become the Holy Spirit in the life of those to whom I witness. My mother carried a bookmark in her Bible that had a Native American saying on it: “Never judge a man until you've walked a mile in his moccasins.” I am grateful for both of these influences and that I was not taught an economy-sized Bible or flame-thrower approach to sharing the Gospel. (My dear Jewish friend calls such people "God's Squad.") That does not mean that I compromise the message, but I do not focus on doing the convicting work of the Holy Spirit. That's God's job. Sharing my faith has never been a matter of putting on a sales presentation, nor has it been about closing a sale. It's about speaking the truth so that the Holy Spirit can make use of what comes through me as a vessel of communication.

Monday, June 9, 2008

Rising to the "Sheltered" Challenge (from "unChristian")




ConsideringUnchristian: What A New Generation Really Thinks About Christianity ...An Why It Matters Groundbreaking research from the Barna Group by Dave Kinnaman and Gabe Lyons

How should the church go about correcting its “unChristian” response of the sheltered life in order to reach a desperate and dying world with the saving message of Jesus Christ? Those outside of the practice of the Christian faith perceive Christianity as a whole to be antiquated and out of touch with the rest of the world. We use language that means little to the world. We live in our own sheltered communities and faith in Jesus Christ is viewed much like “joining a social club.” That is the primary distinction that the world sees in us as a group.

As a Christian looking from the outside in in at the practice of patriocentricity, I note well the cultural irrelevancy of their views and outlook. They are, as Metzger points out (from the previous post), that the group representing patriocentricity is in fact “pietistic, separatist and conceited.” How much more so do they appear to our culture and how much less respect for the message of the Gospel do outsiders have as a result of their cultural irrelevancy and elitist mentality?

Sunday, June 8, 2008

Overcoming Our Sheltered Persona: The Great Challenge of Christendom and of the Patriocentrist (from "unChristian")



ConsideringUnchristian: What A New Generation Really Thinks About Christianity ...An Why It MattersGroundbreaking research from the Barna Group by Dave Kinnaman and Gabe Lyons
I'm concerned that the patriocentrists take such joy in their accomplishments of withdrawing from culture, including mainstream Christian culture, that they will not find the criticisms that the authors make in “unChristian” relevant. The patriocentrists (those in the “higher life” movements and in the so-called “Biblical patriarchy” movement) who ascribe to a Calvinistic or Reformed view often misinterpret Paul's discussion of election as cause for elitism that makes Christianity an exclusive practice of determining who is elect and who is not. The patriocentrics see themselves as God's chosen for election which adds an element of spiritual pride to their identity rather than the humble sense that without Christ they can do nothing and that they are nothing. All those who are not strongly identified with their privileged group become an object of disdain as those who hate and rebel against God.

Saturday, June 7, 2008

Sheltering Salt and Light? (from "unChristian")



ConsideringUnchristian: What A New Generation Really Thinks About Christianity ...An Why It MattersGroundbreaking research from the Barna Group by Dave Kinnaman and Gabe Lyons

The book of James tells us that true religion, pure and undefiled before the Father, includes two primary characteristics:

  • Visiting (helping to support and provide for) the widows and the fatherless as they face their unique and difficult struggles as they live life without a provider

  • Keeping oneself unspotted or uncorrupted by the world
These are very serious concerns and activities that all Christians must count as serious goals that their lives exemplify. Concerning patriocentricity, the earnest and concerned parents that get culled into the movement and the mentality become completely focused on avoiding corruption, but the often messy process of providing for widows and the fatherless so often falls to the wayside. I learned this virtue of caring for widows and fatherless when I was a child by participating with the less fortunate through my local church. Our (gender specific) youth programs for boys and girls were both home and foreign missions focused but also stressed personal responsibility and Christ-like conduct. I believe that it is possible to train children to do both in today's world, but I fear that many Family Integrated Churches are so self and survival oriented, that their children will never observe and be able to emulate the stewardship of their churches because the ministry opportunities just aren't there to emulate.

Friday, June 6, 2008

Thatmom on the Threat Doug Phillips Poses to the Lives of Homeschooling Moms



Vision Forum has already been drawn into question for threatening homeschooling liberties due to their gender bias and what might yet be viewed as a gender related violation of the Federal Equal Protection Clause as noted by Kimberly Yuracko in an article slated for publication in the California Law Review. Per his reporting of the activities of the 2008 Witherspoon School, Doug Phillips now has extended his misogyny to women with ectopic pregnancies.
Read "thatmom" Karen Campbell's post on Doug Phillips' cold logic and her call to exclude him from homeschooling conferences. Not only does Phillips make the error of mistaking law for ethics, but he also violates the concept that "hard cases make for bad law."

From Karen's post (Please link to read the responses there):

I live in the Midwest, smack in the middle of what people around here like to call “tornado alley.” In my town, people often swap stories of the “big one,” the tornado that took out half of the business district and damaged countless homes one lazy July afternoon in 1975. People who survived that day will tell you that now they head for the basement or storm cellar as soon as the sirens sound. They remember the damage, know the personal loss and even the tragedy that came with that twister and they will do all they can to protect themselves and those they love should another one come this direction.

Viewing People as Individuals, Not as Objects or Conquests (from "unChristian")


Considering Unchristian: What A New Generation Really Thinks About Christianity ...An Why It Matters Groundbreaking research from the Barna Group by Dave Kinnaman and Gabe Lyons




From pages 67 – 73:

Most [young outsiders] reject the idea that Christians show genuine interest in them as individuals. This was one of the largest gaps in our research: most Christians are convinced their efforts come across as genuine, but outsiders dispute that...

Only one-third of young outsiders believe that Christians genuinely care about them (34 percent). And most Christians are oblivious to these perceptions – 64 percent of Christians said they believe that outsiders would perceive their efforts as genuine. This is especially significant because Christians were very accurate in anticipating many of the negative perceptions of outsiders, but being perceived as insincere surprised believers. Showing genuine interest in someone is hard to fake...

Rather than being genuinely interested in people for their friendship, we often seem like spiritual headhunters...

Thursday, June 5, 2008

Addressing Our Own Hypocrisy Through Transparency (from "unChristian")



Considering Unchristian: What A New Generation Really Thinks About Christianity ...An Why It MattersGroundbreaking research from the Barna Group by Dave Kinnaman and Gabe Lyons


Spiritually abusive systems cannot avoid the consequences of their hypocrisy. Because the system operates around the unwritten but well understood rules that prohibit any questioning of both those in authority and of the doctrine itself, any Christian spiritually abusive groups live a life of hypocrisy. According to the authors of "unChristian," young people view that "doing what you say you are going to do" as among the characteristics that they most admired. This generation of people not only tolerate little hypocrisy but also have a keen ability to identify it. The authors say that fostering personal transperancy will "disarm" this "image-is-everything generation" (pg 56).

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Index to the Posts Contrasting "The Jewish Way In Love and Marriage" with the Pagan Patriocentric Talmud







Summary of the blog posts that contrast the patriocentric teachtings of Vision Forum with Orthodox Rabbi Maurice Lamm's book,
"The Jewish Way in Love and Marriage."

Introduction
Comparing Patriocentricity with "The Jewish Way In Love and Marriage" (Examining the writings of Rabbi Maurice Lamm about Orthodox Judaism’s teachings as contrasted against the teachings of patriocentricity)

*Recognizing Our Hypocrisy (from "unChristian")



When I went on a missions trip to Russia many years ago, many people from our team were invited to the home of a schoolteacher for dinner. We took our interpreter and went to dinner, hoping to deliver the Gospel message. As I read this chapter, I kept recalling what the teacher and her mother kept saying about why they could not be born of the Spirit: they said that they could not become good enough and live righteously enough to be worthy of the status.
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My heart of compassion swelled and the interpreter (who was born again) smiled wide at me when I chimed in and offered the characters in the Brothers Karamazov by Dostoevski as examples to explain why the main purpose of making Jesus both Savior and Lord (was not) about living free of sin but about knowing His love for us through forgiveness when we do sin. None of us is righteous, neither can we ever be righteous enough to warrant salvation based on our works. Both ladies prayed to receive Jesus that night. Though we aspire to live free of sin because we love our Savior who first loved us, for me, the wonderful thing that comes through salvation is a realizing that I am imperfect and forgiven. Holiness comes, but it comes through forgiveness of sins and reconciliation with God through the Blood of the Lamb.

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

The Patriocentric Mishnah, The Bride-Price and The Cost of Slander (more on another "Jewish Way")


I received an email asking about the Family Integrated Church's (FIC) practice of the “Bride- Price” as found in Deuteronomy, Chapter 22. I am told that Doug Phillips prefers a gold coin as the “Bride's Price,” paid by the groom to the father of the bride as a tradition in FIC weddings. Now, anyone can create any tradition that they would like, but they should not call all these things “Biblical” when they are reflective of cultural standards only (that of the Mishnah in this case).

The FIC leaders presume that this passage concerns the price of a girl's virginity as a commodity that is purchased when, in fact, this passage concerns the legal cost of slander against a new bride. Why on earth would anyone want to associate the ceremony of holy matrimony with either a groom's hatred of his new bride or the transfer of funds for slander regarding moral turpitude? The other scenarios described in this chapter and also in Exodus 22 (the other bride-price proof text) discuss the payment to the father of the bride after she had been violated because a proper marriage did not take place prior to physical intimacy.

A VLOG on Spiritual Abuse and "Narcissistic PASTOR Disorder"

From a series of videos (vlog?) on You Tube by another bleating sheep discussing her experiences using the characteristics of Narcissism as a framework and format. As my husband once said about a letter I wrote to an abusive pastor who didn't have the time of day, it's a view from the back of the church where they put those whom they tell "be ye warmed and filled..."










She says to stay tuned for the next installment, but I could not find that follows this last video.

The preceding post contains her full list of characteristics on video, to the music of the Foo Fighters "Best of You."

Link to Mrs. Elfrog's Vlog on YouTube to read the interesting commentary. If you connect to each video on YouTube, Mrs. Elfrog lists all sorts of resources and links to additional information.

Monday, June 2, 2008

Born Again or Born Against? (from "unChristian")



Considering “Unchristian: What A New Generation Really Thinks About Christianity ...An Why It Matters” Groundbreaking research from the Barna Group by Dave Kinnaman and Gabe Lyons


From pages 29-30:

This book explores our research in six broad themes – the most common points of skepticism and objections raised by outsiders. Those six themes are as follows:

  • Hypocritical. ...morally superior attitudes... pretend to be something unreal... polished image that is not accurate... the church is only a place for virtuous and morally pure people...
  • Too focused on getting converts. Outsiders wonder if we genuinely care about them. They feel like targets rather than people.They question our motives...
  • Antihomosexual. ...bigoted and show disdain... fixated on curing homosexuals... political solutions...
  • Sheltered. ...old fashioned, boring and out of touch with reality... preferring simplistic solutions and answers... not willing to deal with the grit and grime of people's lives...
  • Too political ....motivated by a political agenda...
  • Judgmental. ...quick to judge... not honest about our attitudes and perspectives... They doubt that we really love people as we say we do...

...Let me reiterate that you may not agree with the views of outsiders, but you should not ignore them. We have to deal with Mosaics and Busters as they are – candid, irreverent, and brazen. If we do not, it makes their criticism even more forceful because it goes unanswered.

From “unChristian
by Dave Kinnaman and Gabe Lyons
Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books, 2007

Critique of Bill Mouser's "Five Aspects" Teaching

From the Patriarchy Discussion Group on Yahoo

Information posted by "Light" regarding Bill Mouser's Five Aspects Teachings:



Connie asked about the Five Aspects of Woman Bible study, and asked me to explain what I meant by the pagan concepts and eisegesis in this study. This study is long, and the problems are numerous. I am just going to summarize some of them here; otherwise, I'd have to write a book.
In this post, I'll explain the pagan concepts that are so sneakily inserted into these so-called Biblical materials.
Mouser asserts that God is masculine and Creation is feminine. I don't want to spend much time on the masculinity of God, since that could be a book in and of itself. Suffice it to say that if God is masculine, and not feminine, then human males are more like God than women. First, let's look at basic meanings. In Merrian Webster, masculine is defined as 1 a: male b: having qualities appropriate to or usually associated with a man.¦ Problem with Mouser's claim: God is not a male (except in the Incarnation), God is Spirit.
Let's move on to the even more problematic claim that Creation is feminine. Open your dictionaries, folks. Merriam Webster defines the word feminine thusly: 1: female 2: characteristic of or appropriate or unique to women. Creation = that is all that is created. The universe, the stars, the planets, earth, trees, rocks, oceans, people, animals, bugs, yada yada yada. So stars, planets, all people, bugs, rocks¦ are feminine? This claim is so bizarre, and completely unsupported scripturally. It is, in fact, a pagan concept. (Example: The concept of Mother Nature is traced back to ancient Pagan Greek thought.)

First, how can a male (human or animal), as part of Creation, be feminine? It's an oxymoron. Males are masculine, females are feminine. Consider next the stars, rocks, bugs, trees, etc. “ they are inanimate objects. When Mouser attributes femininity to them, he (wrongly) imbues these objects with a quality associated only with animate things. (From Merriam Webster:animate- 1 : possessing or characterized by life : alive 2 : full of life : animated 3 : of or relating to animal life as opposed to plant life 4 : referring to a living thing )

Anyone see the problem here? I looked up animism on wikipedia, and here's what it says:
Animism is the belief that souls inhabit all or most objects; it attributes personalized souls to animals, vegetables, and minerals wherein the material object is "to some degree" governed by the qualities which comprise its particular soul. Religions that are animistic in this more restrictive sense generally do not accept a sharp distinction between spirit and matter, and they generally assume that this unification of matter and spirit plays a role in daily life

Sunday, June 1, 2008

Are You "unChristian?"




Considering “Unchristian: What A New Generation Really Thinks About Christianity ...An Why It Matters” Groundbreaking research from the Barna Group by Dave Kinnaman and Gabe Lyons

Note: This book does not discuss or advocate the emergent church. [I don't find some of the folks mentioned at the end of this clip to be a major selling point for me personally and I don't advocate the emergent church. ;-) ] Following the content of each chapter, the book features statements from a wide variety of Christians in response to the chapter topic.

From page 15:
One outsider from Mississippi made this blunt observation: “Christianity has become bloated with blind followers who would rather repeat slogans than
actually feel true compassion and care. Christianity has become marketed and streamlined into a juggernaut of fearmongering that
has lost its own heart.”

A Video Primer on Spiritual Abuse





I've posted much of the same information already (see tag list), but this is a great review and summary via video, complied by a Vlogger who calls herself Mrs. Elfrog.