Monday, June 30, 2008

More on Daddy's Little Girl: Adams on Covert Incest



The following is a post from the "thatmom: real encouragement for real homeschooling moms" blog. It followed after a long discussion of enmeshment and inappropriate fixations on gender within the patriarchy movement. It is nearly all the way at the bottom of the thread entitled

the great divide: patriocentrists on one side, thinking women on the other.

The blog does not allow linking to specific comments, but at this time, this comment appears at the very end of the list of comments on this thread. I draw attention to it because it sounds very much like the passage that I quoted from Adams in my previous post discussing "Daddy's Little Girl."

Thanks to "Anne2" who was so kind to find this for me, pointing it out to me on the True Womanhood website. It is another example of "covert" or non-sexual but gender related incest between a father and daughter in the "Family Integrated Church" movement.


Sunday, June 29, 2008

Daddy's Little Girl: Adams on Covert Incest

"Tears" by Crimfants on Flickr.com
From pages 50 – 52:

Rebecca had been her family's princess. On the outside, she seemed to have it all. She was indulged by her parents and seldom held accountable for any misbehavior. Rebecca frequently received special privileges and rarely wanted for anything. Her siblings hated her, and her friends were envious. It was difficult to imagine that a child treated as so special could have been so deeply injured. She was adored by her father. As she described the specialness her father felt toward her, the emotional damage she endured became clearer. Rebecca's father treated her more like his mistress than his daughter.

Child Used To Meet Parent's Needs: Adams On Covert Incest


From pages 11 - 12:

Since the parent-child relationship is used to meet the needs of the parent in the psychological marriage, the child feels ashamed of legitimate needs. A child seeking to have those needs met by the parent fears loss of the parent. As unhealthy as it is, the child has no choice but to actively participate in meeting the parent's needs. The child already feels emotionally abandoned, and expressing needs raises the fear of more abandonment. Children do not have the cognitive capacity to see the situation as it is. They are trapped.

Saturday, June 28, 2008

Distinguishing Overt From Covert: Adams on Covert Incest


From pages 9 – 11:

Covert incest occurs when a child becomes the object of a parent's affection, love, passion and preoccupation. The parent, motivated by the loneliness and emptiness created by a chronically troubled marriage or relationship, makes the child a surrogate partner. This boundary between caring and incestuous love is crossed when the relationship with the child exists to meet the needs of the parent rather than those of the child. As the deterioration in the marriage progresses, the dependency on the child becomes increasingly characterized by desperation, jealousy and a disregard for personal boundaries. The child becomes an object to be manipulated and used so the parent can avoid the pain and reality of a troubled marriage.

The child feels used and trapped, the same feelings that overt incest victims experience... Over time, the child becomes more preoccupied with the parent's needs and feels protective and concerned. A psychological marriage between parent and child results. The child becomes the parent's surrogate spouse...

Introduction: Adams on Covert Incest


A New Series of Posts on Covert Incest

(non-sexual, gender-related emotional or psychological enmeshment with a parent)

Adams wrote about Covert Incest in “Silently Seduced,” the dynamics responsible for the development of what Pia Mellody describes as the Love Addicted and Love Avoidant Syndrome (a more detailed and specific concept than the more general understanding of covert incest). Adams' model does not describe the gender specific implications in the same manner as Mellody, but they figure prominently. Consider his writings to determine for yourself whether Adams description applies to the “daughterhood movement” concepts of children giving their hearts to their fathers as advocated by the Botkins and other patriocentric teachings.

Friday, June 27, 2008

A Wife Calls Abuse Down On Her Own Head? And "Spawn For Salvation" (Salvation Through the Womb And Not The Cross)

Harper's Weekly Mar 6, 1875
 The other day, I received an email with a link to Denny Burk's blog. I wish I were in a better place to be able to discuss this topic, but I am absorbed by another matter. Oddly, it is peripherally related to this subject, a topic also mentioned as an example by a very ignorant person offered in a comment to justify Ware. 

 When I'm in a better frame of mind and reference, I may share my opinions and evaluation of this. I very well may not need to do so. The wise women who are responding to this on Burk's blog, a couple of whom I boast as dear friends, are doing a stellar job. Oh my! Women thinking again? I don't think that the zealous, hard complementarians like that kind of thing too much. Skirts and theology don't mix, and it's taboo in some circles to suggest that committed, Bible-loving believing women can challenge a theology professor. (Where are all the qualified men who should be doing so?) The discussion there, when last I looked, concerned how a woman's behavior calls down physical abuse on her own head, somehow making the man less culpable if not somewhat helpless against circumstances. And I cannot remotely begin to address this issue now. Feel free to read the

Bruce Ware has further delineated his ideas on the subject of women, submission in marriage and abuse. I've heard some similar ideas from Russell Moore, but the statements were not this straightforward. (It makes me wonder if the faculty at SBTS are even permitted to disagree with one another or whether they are all just required to read from the same, authorized script. This should never be confused with the "authorized verson.") So it seems that my joking that I Timothy 2:15 would replace John 3:16 and Ephesians 2:8-9 for women only was not so far from the truth.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Abuse Role Assignment Within Family: Thoughts on Love Avoidance And Love Addiction



Part IV: From the writings of Pia Mellody on Love Avoidance and Love Addiction (The dynamics of non-sexual incest)

Roles Assigned to Child With Enmeshing Abuse

Note: A child can fill both positive and negative roles.

“Positive Roles”
  • Hero or heroine
  • Counselor
  • Surrogate parners
  • Surrogate parent
  • Mediator
  • Mascot
  • Daddy's Little Girl (a ROLE, not a name said in passing)
  • Daddy's Little Man
  • Mommy's Little Girl
  • Mommy's Little Man

Monday, June 23, 2008

Types of Trauma: Thoughts on Love Addiction and Love Avoidance

Part III:
From the writings of Pia Mellody on Love Addiction and Love Avoidance (the dynamics of non-sexual incest)

Trauma Descriptions
Enmeshment Trauma
  1. Physical: (Use of implement s, face slapping, hair pulling, having a child physically nurture a parent and intrusive procedures.)
  2. Physical SEXUAL: (Sex acts, sexual touching, sexual kissing and hugging, voyerism, exhibitionism, verbal sexual trauma, failure to have sexual boundary in the presence of a child, and child as a witness to sexual trauma.)
  3. Emotional SEXUAL: (Involving emotional enmeshment by the parent or major caregiver.)
  4. Intellectual: (Attacks to the shaming of or over control of the child's expression of thought)
  5. Emotional: (Shaming of a child's expression of emotion. Refusal to let child express feelings or improper expression of feelings by the parent or major caregiver.)
  6. Spiritual: (Religious addiction of the parent or major caregiver, trauma at the hands of a religious caregiver, parent acting like he/she is a god or goddess of the family, indulgence or false empowerment of the child, and moral perfection and obedience demanded from the child.)

Abandonment Trauma
Failure to provide adequate:
  • food, clothing and/or shelter
  • physical nurturing
  • emotional nurturing
  • sexual information
  • medical/dental care
  • financial support or information
  • education
  • spiritual nurturing
I have taken all of this material and that which I will present from Pia Mellody's writings and lectures, and my professional training with "The Meadows" treatment facility. This is all her her copyrighted work that I am citing here for educational purposes only!!!

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Development: Thoughts on Love Addiction and Love Avoidance


Part II: From the writings of Pia Mellody on Love Addiction and Love Avoidance (The dynamics of non-sexual incest)


Note: The child who experiences this abnormal parenting will associate the issues with people of the same sex as the parent. If a child experiences neglect and abandonment with a female parent, they likely will develop love addiction in their relationships with women. If the child experiences enmeshment with a female parent, they will be live avoidant with women. It is the same with a male parent (or caregiver). The association need not relate to sex but it carries with it an association with gender.

Saturday, June 21, 2008

The Dance: Thoughts on Love Addiction and Love Avoidance



Part V: From the writings of Pia Melody on Love Avoidance and Love Addiction (The Dynamics of emotional, non-sexual incest)

The Cyclic Dance Between
Love Addicted and Love Avoidant Partners


Love Addicted

Greatest fear is that of abandonment with an underlying fear of intimacy.
Love Avoidant

Greatest fear is that of intimacy with an underlying fear of abandonment.


1. Enters relationship out of duty, not love
1. Is responsive to the avoidant's seductiveness and enters the relationship.

2. Enters behind wall of seduction (which actually impedes intimacy)
2. Denies partner's walls and importance of life outside the relationship.
3. Experiences an event that shatters the denial. 3. Becomes overwhelmed by the neediness of the partner and moves from the wall of seduction
4. Emotional withdrawal from fantasy

Feelings:
Pain anger fear rage shame panic suicide

This is a psychological emergency of worthlessness
4. Escapes the relationship: In some way, creates distance from the partner

Feelings:
Avoided
5. Obsesses and medicates to get out of the feelings of the withdrawal from the relationship.

Feelings:
Self-destructive behavior
5. Creates intensity outside of primary relationship and can use addictions or thrill-seeking.

Feelings:
Anger and revenge

Either the fantasy is rejected and the relationship ended
OR The Love Addict

Resolves the conflict and the cycle is repeated. The relationship becomes a repeating of the cycle. Returns to the relationship out of FEAR of abandonment.
Either the relationship ends

OR The Love Avoidant

Becomes overwhelmed with GUILT for abandoning responsibilities (because self-worth is derived from rescuing and care-taking) and returns to the relationship.





I have taken all of this material and that which I will present from Pia Mellody's writings and lectures, and my professional training with "The Meadows" treatment facility. This is all her her copyrighted work that I am citing here for educational purposes only!!!

Thoughts on Love Addiction And Love Avoidance: An Introduction


I have received several emails about this issue, so I have decided to post a series on the basics of "Love Addiction and Love Avoidance."

I have taken all of this material and that which I will present from Pia Mellody's writings and lectures, and my professional training with "The Meadows" treatment facility. This is all her her copyrighted work that I am citing here for educational purposes only!!!


Pia Mellody, Senior Clinical Advisor for The Meadows and Clinical Consultant for Mellody House and Dakota, is known and respected as a preeminent authority, lecturer and educator in the fields of addictions and relationships. Her work in codependence, boundaries, and the effects of childhood trauma on emotional development has profoundly influenced the treatment of addictions and issues around forming and maintaining relationships. She is the author of several extraordinary books, including Facing Codependence, Facing Love Addiction and her latest book, The Intimacy Factor. As one of the pioneers in the field of recovery, she developed theories on the effects of childhood trauma that became the foundation for The Meadows� programs and are, in large measure, the reason for its success. Much of her work at The Meadows includes counseling with staff and individual patients. A highly acclaimed lecturer, she maintains a schedule of speaking engagements and training workshops throughout the world.


INTRODUCTION


Love Addiction and Avoidance are not about love at all. It is all about trauma reactions inside a relationship. Love starts with thought which requires an awareness of self or others that allows you to hold both in warm regard. Those who are “hard to love” require “heaving lifting” for the other party because the respect and love are not reciprocated or done so evenly. Respect is a willingness to tolerate others violations, even when you really don't have to do so. All this requires self esteem.

Note that we have three basic human needs that are God given and easily compared: love, sex and food. Just as with any need, we can manage any one of these inappropriately or to extreme. In terms of extremes, we can seek out fulfillment compulsively (like an addiction) or we can avoid and deny our needs compulsively. Both of these unbalanced extremes are self-destructive.

We all face disappointment and shame which Mellody calls “experiencing our humanity.” For the Christian, this would be experiencing our sin nature and the shame and disappointment in our failure to overcome our natural desires that have not yet been transformed to be like Christ. Until our degree and process of becoming like Jesus and our level of sanctification grows, we tend to fall into the same human trappings as everyone else. We tend to confuse love with caretaking. We tend to go about this in predictable pattern.


Two Patterns
Pattern 1: Love Addiction

All about making up a fantasy about another person and falling in love with the fantasy

The fantasy involves
  • seeing the other person as god-like
  • capable of saving the love addict from his/her fear of not being able to make it on his/her own
  • and loving him/her forever.
  • They are someone who will “love you into loving yourself.”
  • The fantasy objectifies the partner or the counter part in the unhealthy relationship (reducing them to an object of fantasy).
  • This actually means that the partner is not acceptable to the love addict, therefore the love addict objectifies them by seeing them in terms of their own fantasy and not as the partner really is.

Pattern 2: Love Avoidance

Compulsive relational cycle that appears to be intimate but actually avoids intimacy and vulnerability
The love avoidant
  • gets a sense of value from (compulsive) caretaking
  • the partner confuses this with love
  • They are “allergic to vulnerability”
  • Their sense of value comes from caretaking and is a means of avoiding guilt.


Relational Connections in Childhood


Type I: Healthy Relationship

  • A relationship of Functional Bonding: Caregiver takes appropriate car of the child (affirming, nurturing, and limit setting)
  • Caregiver takes care of the child and uses personal boundaries which protect the child appropriately.
  • The care and responsibility for the child rests completely upon the adult caregiver.

Type II: Caregiver Uses the Child
  • A relationship of Enmeshment: Caregiver uses the child to take care of himself/herself (affirming and nurturing must be earned by the child and must provide these to the parent as well)
  • Caregiver is without personal boundaries
  • The care and responsibility is partly provided by the parent, but the child is also required to reciprocate for the benefit of the parent)
  • Produces a Love Avoidant type adult because the child resents the usury on some level. (Demanded sacrifice as a duty or obligation will always produce some degree of resentment.)


Type III: Caregiver Abandons the Child
  • A relationship of Neglect/Rejection (Can be a partial neglect or inconsistent abandonment and neglect, or complete abandonment)
  • Caregiver is detatched and "walled-in"
  • The parent provides no care and bears no responsibility for the child and has no functional relationship with the child at all.
  • Produces a Love Avoidant type adult because the child is always seeking the fantasy of love and attention.

Friday, June 20, 2008

From the "Return of the Daughters" to the Liberation of the Daughters of the King: Resources to Combat Botkin Syndrome


The teachings of the Botkin family, including Geoff Botkin and his daughters Elizabeth and Anna Sophia promote many unhealthy patterns of enmeshment and family dysfunction according to the professional addictions and recovery literature. Many who have reviewed their teachings believe that their ideology hinges critically on their misinterpretation and eisegesis concerning Chapter 30 of the Old Testament Book of Numbers. For additional information refuting many of these teachings from the Old Testament using Orthodox Judaism as a contrast, please review this collection of posts from Maurice Lamm's “The Jewish Way in Love and Marriage,” and check with the True Womanhood website for discussions on these matters. 

True Womanhood soon plans to post a new topical index of the discussions on many long threads including the “Visionary Daughters” (the Botkin Sisters) and the 7th thread discussing the patriocentric oddity known as the “Prairie Muffin Manifesto” for an easier reference to the discussions of their teachings.

As I've discussed before on Under Much Grace Blog, these teachings concerning fathers and daughters not only insert a human intercessor into a woman's relationship with God, but they also correspond to what is hopefully non-sexual but gender related “incest” or the inappropriate using of daughters by the father to meet their own emotional, psychological, spiritual or physical needs. There is however, a widespread usury of children and family inherent in the teachings of the patriocentrics in general, so I have listed resources that address the general problem of family dysfunction here as well.

I also stress the importance of the list of resources in the preceding blog post entitled “The Journey Out of Shame.” Kathryn Chamberlin's “From Shame to Glory” and/or the Christian, Minirth-Meier publication, “Love is a Choice” remain essential resources for anyone seeking to heal from or understand the roots of these inappropriate relationships within families.
Covert or Emotional Incest:
(Non-sexual but gender related inappropriate usury of family members to meet unmet needs or to medicate shame)
Sexual Abuse
Family Dysfunction and Healthy Parenting

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Converging Thoughts and Divergent Thinking (Speculations on the Tension Between Divine and Human Agency)

My husband and I think in different ways, but we often come to so many same conclusions independently and even say the same things at the same time. If a week goes by when we fail to utter the same unexpected comment simultaneously, I wonder if there is trouble in our relationship. So it's odd to consider how I comprehend things in terms of global perspective (borrowing a term from Cynthia Ulrich Tobias – Remember her of FoF fame, Moms?) and he comprehends best by looking at the finer details first. I quickly become uncomfortable without the overview when I am handed too many fine details, not knowing where to put them.

He needs the specific, objective details first, as they help orient him. I'm all about framing out the house and getting the plywood on the roof before I can begin to worry about shingles, and he is all about the shingles and the budget. So far, we have been a wonderful match for one another, showing complementary strengths.

When it comes to this discussion of faith and works in the circles of all those claiming Reformed Christianity, the general overview provides me with comfort. For that, I believe that certain writers appeal to me more than others. Throw in the changes in Reformed Theology, Theonomy and Christian Reconstruction that have occurred over the past 15 years. Greg Bahnsen and Rousas Rushdoony graduate to Glory. Those men commanded much due respect that others don't seem to carry in the ways that they did, and in their absence, many different groups of folks lay what often seems like exclusive claim to their ideas. Throw in N.T. Wright, Norm Shepherd, New Perspectives on Paul, John Robbins, things Westminster (both East and West coast), the ever-growing Federal Vision weirdness and what Karen Campbell calls “patriocentric voodoo” that comes out of those who profess things patriarchal and family integrated. The regulatory principle of worship is another detail rich conundrum for me that does not hold my interest, though I also know some details people who become bogged down in what seems like minutiae. Many varieties and numbers of unique and common shingles lay in bundles and in the fray, many of which do not interest me. I'm concerned about where the shingles go, not the fine details of the specifics unless it is vital to my faith and worship. Thus far, it has not been too critical, though it seems those who are interested in these issues tend to be detail oriented as opposed to the over-view-type of thinker.

Human agency versus “faith alone” also confronts me as I write more about the similarities between the patriocentric and the Roman Catholic view of infused grace through ongoing works as a means of ongoing sanctification. As stated many times before, if you are Roman Catholic, the idea that patriocentrics believe that every household creates what is, effectively, an autonomous priest, creating sacraments out of wholesome agrarian living, ought to be offensive. Reformed Protestants should be offended because the patriocentrists (Federal Vision followers included) claim staunchly to be Reformed when they follow a Catholic-like form of government (via their patriarchal priesthood) and a view that differs little from the sanctification process of infused righteousness that Aquinas described. 

This denies the central tenets of all things Protestant and Reformed Christianity in particular. Roman Catholics should be offended because their view of priesthood becomes diminished, particularly when there are so few available priests worldwide. They should also take issue with patriocentricity's creation of countless family-oriented sacraments of wholesome living because they cheapen the significance of the seven sacraments established by the Roman Catholic Church. And as I've stated before, if you want to be Roman Catholic, that is your decision and we still have fellowship in Christ, just not in the specific mechanics of the mediation of justification and sanctification, etc. as it relates to patriarchy. My personal issue concerns these who claim a Reformed faith and Theonomy when they are actually closer to Roman Catholic Theology in their beliefs regarding sanctification. Create a new label, but be honest. Do not claim the Reformation (and likewise, do not claim Roman Catholicism, as they would not readily lay claim to these beliefs either).

Within the realm and ranks of Reformed Protestantism, I also contend personally, practically, and theoretically with what seems to be the natural and inevitable tension between faith and works in the Christian life. I inadvertently stumbled upon another discussion of this on a blog, all while Sandlin's “Faith That Is Never Alone” along side Elliott's “Christianity and Neo-Liberalism” stare at me from my bedside. They lay beside a copy of “Divine and Human Agency in Paul and His Cultural Environment.” I also think of those who clearly follow Theonomy with grace and balanced Christian love in the Spirit of the Law as they pose a striking contrast against the “other supposed Theonomists” who I imagine Robbins would call the ersatz Calvinists. I've been using this term recently because it is shorter than “brave, new angry Calvinists” who recommend stoning of wayward teens and legalism the likes of which seem could only come from one who has never been to the Cross of Calvary. These are those who turn Calvinism into pagan karma through their works-based love of the letter of the law, as if their TULIP was short at least one petal (as if total depravity really never applied to them personally).

I inadvertently wandered into another minefield of what seemed like thousands of individual shingles laying around when I found “Professor Clark's” recent blog post about Theonomy and Federal Vision being identical twins that were separated at birth. Many single details presented there seemed quite valid and reasonable, and other conclusions regarding those and other facts presented seemed either murky or like minutiae. I lack the specific knowledge of those individual shingles that would enable me to rightly lay them in the right place in the right way so as to make a water-tight theological roof. From my global perspective style, the conclusions seemed off even though I did recognize the truth in some observations and facts.

Within a few hours after commenting there (which went unrecognized), many ready answers came to me with both completed framing and shingles in place for me from a source that I don't always agree with implicitly on all matters, but one I hold as most trustworthy and faithful. I am also aware that these are matters that he has studied at great length and one who actually had personal relationships and direct knowledge of the views of others referenced [in the blog theory of the supposed displaced theological twins]. This, Sandlin's response, adds more confidence to my speculations that the discontinuities between the Shepherd and Robbins camps are issues of articulating unique perspectives. But that's a Right-brained thinker with good Right-Left Integration at work, and the Lefties may not “get it,” even if I've articulated this all well. That's okay, as I am comfortable to leave some things obscured through the glass we see through darkly. I'll see it clearly one day when we shall be changed and be like Him, for we shall see Him as He is – the ultimate goal behind and bearing up the purpose for all of these debates.

Here is a portion of Andrew Sandlin's response to Clark, “Reversing Revisionism (on Theonomy, Shepherd and Federal Vision)":
Contrary to what we read on Professor Clark’s blog, I do not support and have never supported the FV. It’s odd that the critics of the FV do not grasp this readily documentable fact, because the FV’ers themselves do. They all know that I cannot agree with and in fact criticize their ecclesiology, their sacramentalism, their liturgy, their covenantalism and much else besides. The fact that I have defended — and will defend — them against historically misguided charges of heresy and “denying the Gospel” no more suggests that I embrace the FV than the fact that R. C. Sproul may defend John MacArthur against charges of heresy and “denying the Gospel” for being premillennial makes Sproul a premillennialist. Such (il)logic is just plain silly, as any thoughtful, dispassionate person must acknowledge.

I embrace the doctrine of justification precisely as it appears in the Westminster Confession of Faith. The exclusive instrumental cause of justification is faith. That faith rests entirely on the redemptive work of Jesus on the Cross and from the empty tomb and grasps hard on Jesus as Savior and Lord. The issue is not sola fide, which Scott and I both heartily affirm, but the nature of saving faith. Scott, like his colleague Mike Horton, has made clear his position that justifying faith is exclusively passive (trusting in and resting on Jesus) and never active (submitting to Jesus as Lord and as his disciple). I affirm that it is both simultaneously (in the distinct senses I have stated), and that a faith that is merely active is moralistic while a faith that is merely passive is antinomian. On this point, I dissent from Clark and Horton and I agree with J. I. Packer in Evangelical Affirmations:
There is an evident confusion here between faith as a psychological act, that is, something that you do (in this case, “closing with Christ” as the Puritans used to put it), and faith as a meritorious work, that is, a means of earning God’s favor and inducing his acceptance. When it is argued that to call for active commitment to discipleship as a response to the gospel is to teach works-righteousness, the confusion is clear. The truth is that every act of faith, psychologically regarded, is a matter of doing something (knowing, receiving, and trusting are as much acts in the psychological sense as is resolving to obey); yet no act of faith ever presents itself to its doer as other than a means of receiving undeserved mercy in some shape or form. This is as true of a trustful commitment to follow Christ as it is of a trustful resting on the Saviour’s [sic] promise of pardon. There is no need to restrict faith to passive reliance without active devotion in order to keep works-righteousness and legalism out of the picture.
Packer believes what Clark and Horton do not: a saving faith defined only passively lends aid and comfort to antinomianism, and a saving faith defined both passively and actively does not lend aid and comfort to a moralistic works-righteousness and legalism. Justifying faith is both passive and active, and this is precisely what James denotes when he demands justification by works, which in no way violates sola fide but, rather, protects it.

This also is what NS believes and teaches, but agreeing with NS on this issue is not tantamount to support for the FV, just as RJR and GLB agreed with NS on this issue, and did not agree with JBJ’s views that eventually became known as the FV.

Reversal
This account, all-too-brief, is an accurate summary of the genealogy of the FV. One hopes that it will help to reverse some of the historical revisionism (or just plain ignorance) parading under the guise of thoughtful commentary.
Read the whole post HERE.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

More on the Mental Burqa

Richard of By His Grace, For His Glory has come up with a different graphic that is now displayed on the White Washed Feminists website sidebar, but I would like to make note here that it was Jeanette of Taliban Rising who officially coined the phrase. Jeanette contacted me after finding the patriarchy video on YouTube (from the workshop I gave as an invited lecturer at an unnamed apologetics organization at an unnamed Baptist seminary in March). She wanted to talk to me because there is a similar patriocentric movement in the Roman Catholic Church, and the parallels are very striking, if not disturbing.

This Roman Catholic analog to the so-called "Biblical patriarchy" movement in Protestant churches also focuses on homeschooling, and according to Jeanette, has connections to the neo-nazi groups in Europe. Also interwoven more directly is the concept of "Perennialism," which the Chambers Initiative notes thusly as it pertains to patriocentrism:
Those who adhere to these “faiths” can, through specific ascetic processes, arrive at the knowledge of the “perennial wisdom” and a state of enlightened consciousness. This state is for the “initiated”, hence the term “Gnosticism” is often used to define Perennialism. Perennialism was a reaction against the rational, materialist spirit of the Enlightenment and Industrial Revolution. Its founders rejected modern Western Civilization because of its departure from the traditional paths that led to “wisdom and enlightenment.” Thus, the central focus of Perennialism is a fierce adherence to natural, human traditions and a bitter rejection of “modernity,” all the Perennialists perceive to flow from the “modern spirit.”
Patriocentricity in America, on the Protestant side approaches very many of the same concepts, theories and goals of Perennialism through their strong connections to the agrarian movements and neo-Confederate ideology. The fathers of the foundations of the modern patriocentricity follow ideals of the very gnostic higher life and Keswick movements, believing that holy living can produce greater sanctification, following after the "Christian perfection" doctrines of John Wesley. This is comingled with devotion to Confederate Presbyterians like Robert Lewis Dabney and Benjamin Morgan Palmer along with many of the sentiments of modern Southern secessionist movements. This Luddite mentality also pervades many pockets within patriarchy, and also corresponds to sentiments that arose from early 20th century revivalism that viewed wholesome living as God's most powerful agency in the Christian life.

What is interesting is that I understand that notable figures in US Evangelical Christianity and evangelists for the complementarian message turn up in association with some of the Pereniallist groups affiliated with this similar movement in the Roman Catholic Church. Jeanette was shocked (as was I) to recognize these names as we discussed the similarities of each of these movements on the phone. I hope that more writings emerge in the future comparing and contrasting these different groups (the Protestant patriocentrists and the Perennialists largely affiliated with Roman Catholicism's own patriocentricity). [It's not traditional patriarchy, to be certain!]

I was also shocked but pleased to see that my site is listed as a resource and "Site of Interest" at the Chambers Initiative site (along with Jeanette's Taliban Rising: Fight the Mental Burqa). So with that interesting tidbit set to simmer on the back burners of your brain, here's some more thoughtful insight from Jeanette, SHE who officially coined the term "Fight the Mental Burqa!" as the subtitle to her blog, named Taliban Rising. I look forward to more good posts here.

More On Fighting The Mental Burqa!
Another section from "In Defense of My Mind":
A woman is imprisoned by a Mental, Burqa if her entire formation, or her present indoctrination by those claiming to speak in God's name, does not inform or enable her to choose the other good means that God allows her in the pursuit of her final end. A girl is living under the Mental Burqa if she is told that she is “resisting God’s Biblical plan for her” by pursuing a higher education or by exercising a legitimate profession, before settling down to marry, should she believe that is God's will for her. She is oppressed by the Mental Burqa if she is trained to believe she is not fit to choose whom she will marry. Patriocentrism treats women as interchangeable, and castigates as “modern sentimentality” a woman’s loathing to be “given in marriage” to a man she finds repulsive, one with whom she has neither affinity of character nor compatibility of intellect. So, yes, I am for the woman's right to live as a human being with a rational nature. I am for her right to know she has a God-given choice between the legitimate means to reach Him. I am for her right to the education that will equip her to embrace any state of life. I am for her right to determine, if she decides to marry, which man she thinks will make a good husband for herself and father for her children. I am for the woman's right not to be extinguished by the neo-fascist philosophy of a group of men who know that their own agenda is best served by women who have been denied or who have abdicated their duty to act as rational, responsible human beings. We have a face and a mind. Fight the Mental Burqa.
If you haven't already, read the full post HERE.

Monday, June 16, 2008

Vision Forum Heresy


Well, it seems I'm not the only person that takes issue with the neo-pagan ersatz-Calvinist catechism Mishnah of the patriocentrics.
Joy, a frequent blogger and second generation homeschooler, reported on her experience at the Home Educators Association of Virginia Conference that was held recently in Richmond. She attended the session presented by the Botkin Family, the Vision Forum affiliated “Visionary Daughters.” Read some of this content, originally posted on the True Womanhood blog, detailing some of the cries of “heresy” in response to the Vision Forum message. You can link there to read more about her experiences and read some of the content presented by the Botkin Sisters.

About the response to Vision Forum:
The Vision Forum booth was large, but moved very very little product. (Unfortunately, the catalogs flew like hotcakes!). The Western Conservatory booth was painfully, painfully, abandoned and empty for large time periods during the whole convention. (It was stuck in an obscure back corner) Poor Geoffery Botkin was stuck at the booth for long periods of time alone with no one to talk to, except for an occasional Anna Sofia and Elizabeth adoring fan inquiring as to where they were…I think they may have sold 50 movies/dvd’s the whole convention. And from what I could tell, they were bought by people who already ascribed to the NCFIC credo (judging by the long skirts and hair coverings, etc.)- although I am in no way making a blanket stereotype here. I merely stating what I observed. 

Particularly on Saturday, people were going out of their way to avoid the Vision Forum booth (it was pretty obvious, being right near the front), giving it a wide berth. The guy (in tie and jacket, of course) was trying to hand out catalogs, and I would say two couples out of every five (couples or family groups) flat out refused to take the catalog. One man went so far as to fuss at the man for having the heretical “stuff” there. [his words] Again too, if you stood near the Vision Forum or American Vision booths (which are much linked in consumer’s minds, even though one professes not to have anything to do with the other) the conversations you would hear were interesting…I think “kooky” or “legalistic” were most often used as descriptors. Most of the women using those kind of terms were often discussing Vision Forum’s position on women in the home. Often, when I would hear things in favor of VF, the speakers almost always turned out to be clearly VF leaning (again with the long skirts and head coverings). 

To put it another way, there weren’t many “outsiders” that were easily fooled.
But before I actually get into what they said…I thought I’d fill you in on some of the reactions. In a room filled to standing room only (the workshop was actually closed due to space/fire code constraints) I would say that 10-15 people walked out in anger. Most of them were mothers practically dragging their daughters out. I would say another 20-50 stayed through the speech, but were very upset and angered by what they had heard. (My husband, by twist of fate, got stuck outside, and shared what he heard and saw during the speech and immediately afterward- I was stuck inside.) James said he heard “heresy” from 9 out of the 10 people who walked out (before the speech was over). Of that first wave of people who left quickly as soon as the doors were opened…there was a lot of anger/confusion.
More on the cultural irrelevance and patriocentric paranoia:
There were a few women (and a man) near me that immediately struck up a conversation with me as soon as it was ended. One of the questions was basically like my own to you gals back in the day: “I know something is wrong here, but I can’t quite figure out why”. I discussed in *brief* detail our concerns regarding the Botkins and NCFIC and Doug Phillips; pointed them to this blog and Karen’s and Molly’s and Cindy’s (at least, all the blog url’s I could remember off the top of my head). 
My husband stated after hearing them that he finally (although he had always understood) realized why I couldn’t let the whole thing rest, why it was keeping me awake at night (the topics discussed here at TW). He was the one who was adamant I get these speech notes posted this morning…He’s so incredibly angry. As a father of a daughter, he said he realized that he needed to ‘contend for the faith’ because he doesn’t want Lorelei getting into this mess when she is older. 
Interestingly enough, most of the first wave of people that left the speech after it was over were angry about the egotism (their description of a ‘normal day’ really bugged people) and hubris. They may not have been angry about the theological differences so much as they were angry, as johanna-from-england so aptly said, that young girls were telling them what to do.

Sunday, June 15, 2008

The Power of Words to Take Our Pain and Make It Worse


In the prior post and elsewhere, I've mentioned how the death of my godparents' daughter deeply affected me and, in many ways, defined me. If you've heard this story before, it may have a different twist in this telling of it. My godparents walked through the troublesome circumstances of my birth along with my parents, supporting them through what they thought would resolve in my death as a newborn. Their daughter, Anne, would have been six years old at the time I teetered at the threshold of death. I think that it's ironic that when turned six years old that I would be in a similar situation, begging for God to spare Anne's life, even at the expense of my own.

A Mother's Survivor Guilt: A Prelude to the Next Post

I've never met a mother who lost a loved and wanted unborn baby or a child who was in their care who did not ask themselves whether they did something to harm their loved one or whether there was something that they could have done to save their child. Particularly when a pregnant mother loses her unborn baby to a miscarriage, there is a period when she recalls and reviews and scrutinizes all that she did, questioning whether she did something to cause her baby's demise, questioning if there is a punishment due.

I don't know of a nurse or a doctor worth their salt who fought to save a person from death who does not stop at some point and ask themselves if there was more that could have been done. For the best of doctors and nurses, arriving at the place of realization when all has been done to no avail is hard place that is full of grief and bitter disappointment. It is oft disguised in anger or perfectionism or in laughter and jokes. But I assure you that it is there somewhere. For those who live in the realization of this loss, these can be haunting questions. They cover you in the midst of the dark night of one's soul as you struggle to make some sense of tragedy.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Teens and Judgementalism In Our Message (from "unChristian")




ConsideringUnchristian: What A New Generation Really Thinks About Christianity ...An Why It MattersGroundbreaking research from the Barna Group by Dave Kinnaman and Gabe Lyons

My training as a Christian focused on my ability to be able to declare the truth, not to become the Holy Spirit in the life of those to whom I witness. My mother carried a bookmark in her Bible that had a Native American saying on it: “Never judge a man until you've walked a mile in his moccasins.” I am grateful for both of these influences and that I was not taught an economy-sized Bible or flame-thrower approach to sharing the Gospel. (My dear Jewish friend calls such people "God's Squad.") That does not mean that I compromise the message, but I do not focus on doing the convicting work of the Holy Spirit. That's God's job. Sharing my faith has never been a matter of putting on a sales presentation, nor has it been about closing a sale. It's about speaking the truth so that the Holy Spirit can make use of what comes through me as a vessel of communication.

Monday, June 9, 2008

Rising to the "Sheltered" Challenge (from "unChristian")

ConsideringUnchristian: What A New Generation Really Thinks About Christianity ...An Why It Matters Groundbreaking research from the Barna Group by Dave Kinnaman and Gabe Lyons
How should the church go about correcting its “unChristian” response of the sheltered life in order to reach a desperate and dying world with the saving message of Jesus Christ. Those outside of the practice of the Christian faith perceive Christianity as a whole to be antiquated and out of touch with the rest of the world. We use language that means little to the world. We live in our own sheltered communities and faith in Jesus Christ is viewed much like “joining a social club.” That is the only distinction that the world sees in us.

Sunday, June 8, 2008

Overcoming Our Sheltered Persona: The Great Challenge of Christendom and of the Patriocentrist (from "unChristian")



ConsideringUnchristian: What A New Generation Really Thinks About Christianity ...An Why It MattersGroundbreaking research from the Barna Group by Dave Kinnaman and Gabe Lyons
I'm concerned that the patriocentrists take such joy in their accomplishments of withdrawing from culture, including mainstream Christian culture, that they will not find the criticisms that the authors make in “unChristian” relevant. The patriocentrists (those in the “higher life” movements and in the so-called “Biblical patriarchy” movement) who ascribe to a Calvinistic or Reformed view often misinterpret Paul's discussion of election as cause for elitism that makes Christianity an exclusive practice of determining who is elect and who is not. The patriocentrics see themselves as God's chosen for election which adds an element of spiritual pride to their identity rather than the humble sense that without Christ they can do nothing and that they are nothing. All those who are not strongly identified with their privileged group become an object of disdain as those who hate and rebel against God.

Saturday, June 7, 2008

Sheltering Salt and Light? (from "unChristian")



ConsideringUnchristian: What A New Generation Really Thinks About Christianity ...An Why It MattersGroundbreaking research from the Barna Group by Dave Kinnaman and Gabe Lyons

The book of James tells us that true religion, pure and undefiled before the Father, includes two primary characteristics:

  • Visiting (helping to support and provide for) the widows and the fatherless as they face their unique and difficult struggles as they live life without a provider

  • Keeping oneself unspotted or uncorrupted by the world
These are very serious concerns and activities that all Christians must count as serious goals that their lives exemplify. Concerning patriocentricity, the earnest and concerned parents that get culled into the movement and the mentality become completely focused on avoiding corruption, but the often messy process of providing for widows and the fatherless so often falls to the wayside. I learned this virtue of caring for widows and fatherless when I was a child by participating with the less fortunate through my local church. Our (gender specific) youth programs for boys and girls were both home and foreign missions focused but also stressed personal responsibility and Christ-like conduct. I believe that it is possible to train children to do both in today's world, but I fear that many Family Integrated Churches are so self and survival oriented, that their children will never observe and be able to emulate the stewardship of their churches because the ministry opportunities just aren't there to emulate.

Friday, June 6, 2008

Thatmom on the Threat Doug Phillips Poses to the Lives of Homeschooling Moms

Vision Forum has already been drawn into question for threatening homeschooling liberties due to their gender bias and what might yet be viewed as a gender related violation of the Federal Equal Protection Clause as noted by Kimberly Yuracko in an article slated for publication in the California Law Review. Per his reporting of the activities of the 2008 Witherspoon School, Doug Phillips now has extended his misogyny to women with ectopic pregnancies.


Read "thatmom" Karen Campbell's post on Doug Phillips' cold logic and her call to exclude him from homeschooling conferences. Not only does Phillips make the error of mistaking law for ethics, but he also violates the concept that "hard cases make for bad law."

From Karen's post (and link to read the responses there):

I live in the Midwest, smack in the middle of what people around here like to call “tornado alley.” In my town, people often swap stories of the “big one,” the tornado that took out half of the business district and damaged countless homes one lazy July afternoon in 1975. People who survived that day will tell you that now they head for the basement or storm cellar as soon as the sirens sound. They remember the damage, know the personal loss and even the tragedy that came with that twister and they will do all they can to protect themselves and those they love should another one come this direction.

On the other hand, those who have never experienced a tornado often grab an iced tea and sit on the front porch, watching as though they were in a giant screen movie theatre, telling themselves that the destruction might come to someone else but it won’t affect them. Today, I feel as though I am in the homeschooling version of our county’s emergency services. I have been storm spotting for a while and now see the deadly twister coming my direction. It is guaranteed to take lives. It is a an F-5 on the Fujita scale, complete with 300 mile per hour winds and damage akin to “strong frame houses lifted off foundations and carried considerable distances to disintegrate.” This is where the homes of homeschooling families are headed if Doug Phillips from Vision Forum is not held accountable for his most recent rhetoric.

On March 6, 2002, Phillips published a document entitled “A Declaration of Life” where he states the following:
“WHEREAS those theories which justify the killing of the unborn child on the basis of the circumstances of conception (as in the case of rape and incest), or even the life of the mother (ectopic pregnancies) are completely false because they are based on unbiblical and humanistic ethics, unbiblical definitions of “self defense” theory, and a rejection of the personhood of the child; and Continuing Relevance of All of Scripture.”
I am not certain if I read this when it was first published. I probably did not as I most likely assumed that his position would be one that passed genuine pro-life muster. Then, this week (June 5, 2008), Phillips, reporting on the most recent Whitherspoon Law and Public Policy conference, made this statement:
“Some Christians maintain a 100% pro-life, no abortion philosophy. Others believe that it is acceptable to abort a child in the case of rape, incest, or where the life of the mother is threatened. The latter is the position of the Orthodox Jews. And there are many additional questions presented to us by our “brave new world” that raise noodle-cookers of equal emotional challenge and philosophical complexity.”
Since I have been involved with pro-life work for nearly 30 years and have considered myself 100% pro-life, I was puzzled as to what Phillips actually meant. Imagine my shock and horror to read that a woman who faces an ectopic pregnancy, a life-threatening situation and one I have had to face, is considered to be a “murderer” and one who practices “child sacrifice” or “infanticide.” As I read through everything I could find on his website regarding this topic, it quickly became apparent that Phillips is so far out of the mainstream of Christian thought and practice that even stalwart pro-life leaders around this country and pastors who repeatedly speak out against the evils of abortion would also be painted with his defective broad brush.
In contrast to Phillips’ position, Steve Wagner from Stand to Reason makes this statement:
““When the motherʹs life is truly in danger, we must treat both the mother and child as human beings worthy of protection, for that is what they are….In an ectopic pregnancy, the newly conceived human being implants on the wall of the fallopian tube (or some other tissue) instead of on the wall of the uterus. As the embryonic human being grows, the fallopian tube will rupture causing severe blood loss and probably death. In these cases, there is no way to save the child’s life. If we do nothing, both human beings will die. Because we believe it is better to save one life than to lose two, we remove the child (causing his death) and save the mother. The death of the child is an unintended, although foreseen, consequence. So abortion in this instance is the killing of an innocent human being WITH proper justification. Notice though, this is not because the child is not human, but rather because the child is going to die no matter what. The child’s death is unavoidable, so protecting the mother becomes our primary concern.”
After reading this, I contacted Lynn Grandon, who is the director of the Peoria Dioceses Respect Life and Human Dignity office and asked her to give me the most well-reasoned pro-life argument regarding ectopic pregnancies. In the providence of God, she had most recently attended a bio-ethics conference where the topic of ectopic pregnancies was discussed at length by some of the leading Christian bio-ethicists, medical personnel, and pastors around the country. She confirmed to me that saving the life of a mother who is in a genuine life-threatening pregnancy is always considered to be a priority, as the baby would also die in this situation and she said that ectopic pregnancies certainly are in this category. In fact, ectopic pregnancy is the leading cause of death in pregnant women today. And we have to also take into consideration that there are now millions of post-abortive women and as many who have suffered from sexually transmitted diseases, both factors that increase the incidence of ectopic pregnancy.

I mentioned to her the story of the Indian mother that Phillips used as an example of an ectopic pregnancy going to full term and she stated that we should never use the oddest and most extreme cases when looking at issues such as this one. I then read to her the above quotes from Phillips and she sighed and stated that these are unreasoned, irresponsible, and dangerous. She also expressed her sadness that someone with such influence would teach such things. I heartily concurred.
Given the number of homeschooling conferences where Phillips and his supporters speak and promote their militant fecundity message, I believe it will only be a matter of time before someone’s wife or mother dies because of this foolish position on ectopic pregnancy. Phillips, being the man of influence that he is, has irresponsibly taken a position that has now gone beyond his own “declaration of life” and has been entered into the public debate amongst attendees at his 2008 Whitherspoon conferences.

Because of his determination to further this message, I would like to call upon all those who link to his blog or the Vision Forum website to remove that link and to tell him why. I would like to ask those who sell his items to refuse to do so until he has recanted this dangerous position. I would expect those who have been published through Vision Forum to contact him and express their horror at what he is saying. And, most importantly, I would ask any pastors who have supported Phillips’ ministry, including the NCFIC churches associated with him, to publicly assure their congregations that Phillips’ teaching on ectopic pregnancy is outside the orthodox view of Biblical Christianity and the sanctity of human life.

Doug Phillips has become a threat to the very lives of homeschooling mothers and it should be known. Take cover immediately.

Viewing People as Individuals, Not as Objects or Conquests (from "unChristian")


Considering Unchristian: What A New Generation Really Thinks About Christianity ...An Why It Matters Groundbreaking research from the Barna Group by Dave Kinnaman and Gabe Lyons


From pages 67 – 73:

Most [young outsiders] reject the idea that Christians show genuine interest in them as individuals. This was one of the largest gaps in our research: most Christians are convinced their efforts come across as genuine, but outsiders dispute that...

Only one-third of young outsiders believe that Christians genuinely care about them (34 percent). And most Christians are oblivious to these perceptions – 64 percent of Christians said they believe that outsiders would perceive their efforts as genuine. This is especially significant because Christians were very accurate in anticipating many of the negative perceptions of outsiders, but being perceived as insincere surprised believers. Showing genuine interest in someone is hard to fake...

Rather than being genuinely interested in people for their friendship, we often seem like spiritual headhunters...

Thursday, June 5, 2008

Addressing Our Own Hypocrisy Through Transparency (from "unChristian")



Considering Unchristian: What A New Generation Really Thinks About Christianity ...An Why It MattersGroundbreaking research from the Barna Group by Dave Kinnaman and Gabe Lyons


Spiritually abusive systems cannot avoid the consequences of their hypocrisy. Because the system operates around the unwritten but well understood rules that prohibit any questioning of both those in authority and of the doctrine itself, any Christian spiritually abusive groups live a life of hypocrisy. According to the authors of "unChristian," young people view that "doing what you say you are going to do" as among the characteristics that they most admired. This generation of people not only tolerate little hypocrisy but also have a keen ability to identify it. The authors say that fostering personal transperancy will "disarm" this "image-is-everything generation" (pg 56).

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Index to the Posts Contrasting "The Jewish Way In Love and Marriage" with the Pagan Patriocentric Talmud







Summary of the blog posts that contrast the patriocentric teachtings of Vision Forum with Orthodox Rabbi Maurice Lamm's book,
"The Jewish Way in Love and Marriage."

Introduction
Comparing Patriocentricity with "The Jewish Way In Love and Marriage" (Examining the writings of Rabbi Maurice Lamm about Orthodox Judaism’s teachings as contrasted against the teachings of patriocentricity)