Part V: From the writings of Pia Melody on Love Avoidance and Love Addiction (The Dynamics of emotional, non-sexual incest)
The Cyclic Dance Between
Love Addicted and Love Avoidant Partners
Love Addicted
Greatest fear is that of abandonment with an underlying fear of intimacy. |
Love Avoidant
Greatest fear is that of intimacy with an underlying fear of abandonment. |
1. Enters relationship out of duty, not love | |
1. Is responsive to the avoidant's seductiveness and enters the relationship. | |
2. Enters behind wall of seduction (which actually impedes intimacy) | |
2. Denies partner's walls and importance of life outside the relationship. | |
3. Experiences an event that shatters the denial. | 3. Becomes overwhelmed by the neediness of the partner and moves from the wall of seduction |
4. Emotional withdrawal from fantasy Feelings: Pain anger fear rage shame panic suicide This is a psychological emergency of worthlessness | 4. Escapes the relationship: In some way, creates distance from the partner Feelings: Avoided |
5. Obsesses and medicates to get out of the feelings of the withdrawal from the relationship. Feelings: Self-destructive behavior | 5. Creates intensity outside of primary relationship and can use addictions or thrill-seeking. Feelings: Anger and revenge |
Either the fantasy is rejected and the relationship ended OR The Love Addict Resolves the conflict and the cycle is repeated. The relationship becomes a repeating of the cycle. Returns to the relationship out of FEAR of abandonment. | Either the relationship ends OR The Love Avoidant Becomes overwhelmed with GUILT for abandoning responsibilities (because self-worth is derived from rescuing and care-taking) and returns to the relationship. |
I have taken all of this material and that which I will present from Pia Mellody's writings and lectures, and my professional training with "The Meadows" treatment facility. This is all her her copyrighted work that I am citing here for educational purposes only!!!