I'm deeply honored and am excited that
Becca's Tea Blog
decided to repost the recent
item that I wrote for Spiritual Sounding Board (SSB) concerning
Lourdes Torres-Manteufel. It explains the Second
Generation Adult (SGA) phenomenon within high demand groups and
families, especially the constraints that SGAs face when exiting high
pressure situations. There has been little written about it among
former followers of the Quiverfull/Patriarchy Movement, though the
community knows much of the constraints and limitations. They also
face the friction that they encounter when relating to those who were
or still are part of the first generation followers.
I am thrilled to see this aspect of
understanding “totalist” groups discussed, all in the hope that
it will help people feel validated and will aid in their recovery
from the trauma of growing up as an SGA.
I found Becca Irene's post to be much
like holding up what I'd written in a mirror. I offer for you the
reflection that she wrote in her summary of the making of the SGA.
And thanks to Julie
Anne Smith for featuring the series of posts at SSB. May all of
these messages travel far and wide to bind up the wounded and set at
liberty those who are so bruised.
From
Becca's Tea Blog's reflection of Lourdes, Lifeboats and
Bounded Choice: Part III (Growing Up in a Totalist Institution)
~~ The original appears HERE
at SSB:
This
excellent post
by Cindy K explains how Second
Generation Adults (SGAs) in ‘total institutions’ (such as the
Christian homeschooling movement) do not have a ‘Realistic Right of
Exit’. SGAs do not have the opportunity to experience the
psychological, educational, and social development necessary to
thrive in the outside world.
I
find this concept – SGAs not having a ‘realistic
right of exit’ – fascinating because it is something both
SGAs and their perpetrators can, and do, agree with.
SGAs
know how challenging it is to survive outside the ‘total
institution’ – for many it is in fact impossible and literally
their only opportunity for survival is to stay within the abusive
community.
The
perpetrators, however – (Christian) homeschool leaders, homeschool
convention speakers, homeschool support groups, homeschool pastors,
and even homeschool parents, openly discuss how essential it is to
condition SGAs one has power over (i.e. daughters, sons) to not leave
the movement, and to not permit SGAs to develop skills that could
lead to ‘independence’ (another word they openly despise).
When
a ‘Quivering
Daughter’ / SGA leaves the fundamentalist movement, she is a
victim of severe, long term trauma. But our culture has failed to
provide a social safety net for these survivors, who are not yet
officially recognized as survivors of domestic abuse or human
trafficking, and whose perpetrators are rarely even prosecuted, let
alone convicted, of any crime. And yet, not only did their
perpetrators remove the SGA’s realistic right of exit *in effect*,
they also did so knowingly, purposely, and with intent.
As
we continue to raise awareness of the SGA homeschooler problem, it is
my hope that access to social and legal resources will be opened to
survivors.
(It's my hope,
too! Thank you, Becca!)
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Jill
Mytton discussing the problems faced by the SGA, including the
“realistic
right of exit.”
[In reference to patriarchal groups and the difficulties that women face, Mytton states] "One writer called it the “realistic right of exits.” When we leave, we actually don't have what we need to survive outside. And yet when we leave, we should have the right – the right to choose to leave. Either choosing to leave the religion or choosing to leave the culture. Or if they're entwined, you're leaving both."
