Friday, November 16, 2012

Navigating Forgiveness: Where We're Going from Here

Eventually, you'll see a list of all of the posts on the subject of forgiveness, organized by aspect. I haven't pulled all of that together yet, but I wanted to let readers know a bit more about where the rest of the discussion will go. Feel free to scroll back through the recent posts of the revived discussion started here on October 18th.

I've loaded several posts into blogger already, scheduled to publish every other day or so. Three deal with the subject of repentance as a critical element of forgiveness. One post includes ideas about how to distinguish the genuine article from the feigned variety that spiritual abusers use so often to play on the confidence of good people.

Flowing from the discussion of repentance, the next posts discuss fears about forgiveness. They deal with the problem of throwing justice for the wounded out the window through the misunderstanding of mercy. Justice and mercy are both aspects of ethics and steps in the process of forgiveness, but many wrongly misunderstand them as opposing virtues that cannot be reckoned. This misunderstanding revictimizes the wounded many times over. Another post discusses how a person can get through the first hard stages of the forgiveness process, particularly if they've suffered harmful and chronic maltreatment. These are huge topics for people who have been deeply wounded and don't know where to start on the journey of forgiving, especially when those first steps feel nothing like what most of us envision when we think of forgiveness' final destination.

If anyone reading here has good material on the subject that they'd like to see included, please send it on to me. I'm learning right along with everyone else.

As for the rest of the discussion of forgiveness, here are the remaining topics that I hope to finish as we approach the holiday season. Considering that the holidays can really test us as we work out our relationships with family, I hope they can be of some help. I still often feel like the blind leading the blind when talking about this subject, but I hope that others can at least glean from my mistakes. Life is a journey, and I've certainly not arrived! I'm happy just to tickle people enough to think more deeply about the subject. From here, I have grand yet humble plans to explore...



Less Than Ideal Forgiveness With Less Than Perfect People
  • The Other Type of Forgiveness: Releasing the Offender's Debt While Standing Firmly on the Nature of the Wrong
  • Finding A Peaceful Compromise with Family, Friends, and Enemies (...sometimes, that's a DMZ)
  • Joyce Landorf Heatherley's “Irregular People” (Understanding Shame Based Personalities)
  • Understanding Personal Differences, Personality Style Conflict, and the Weaker Brother
  • Understanding the Narcissistic (How to be both wise and innocent)
  • Developing Realistic Expectations About Relationships in Forgiveness
  • A Brief Introduction to Boundaries in Forgiveness
  • Becoming a “Hard Target” for Harm While Available to Love
  • Tips for Communicating with the “Irregular People” in Your Life
  • Respecting Boundaries When Pursuing Forgiveness (Toward Developing an “Internal Locus of Control”)

Fostering Both Forgiveness and Reconciliation
  • Developing an Atmosphere of Trust to Foster Forgiveness and Reconciliation
  • Trust versus Boundary Busters
  • Apologies and the “Apologies that Aren't”
  • Rejected Forgiveness and Gothard's Sick, Bizarre Teaching About Begging Your Offender's Forgiveness for Feeling Offended
  • Rejected Reconciliation
  • The Dangers of Merging Forgiveness with Reconciliation: The Painful Legacy of Peacemaker Ministries

Other Personal Themes in Forgiveness
  • Benefits of and Motives in Forgiveness (Christianity vs. Pop Culture)
  • Forgiving God and Surrendering to “Thy Will Be Done” After Spiritual Abuse
  • Forgiving the Church
  • Forgiving Ourselves
  • Sage Wisdom about Forgiveness from Corrie Ten Boom

Forgiveness Book and Resource List