From Lewis Smedes' Forgive and Forget: Healing the Hurts We Don't Deserve:
What Forgiveness Isn't
- Forgiving is not forgetting.
- Forgiving is not smothering conflict.
- Forgiving is not tolerance or excusing injustice, nor is it rationalizing away or minimizing a wrong done.
- Forgiving is not the absence of conflict.
("If two people agree, only one of them is necessary.")
- Forgiving is not the acceptance of wrong.
- Forgiving is not a feeling but is a choice – a decision of the will.
- Forgiving is not the same thing as reconciliation.
From Sandra Wilson's Released from Shame: Moving Beyond the Pain of the Past:
Misunderstandings About Forgiving
- Forgiveness doesn't mean that nothing ever happened or that it was “no big deal.”
- Forgiving doesn't mean an automatic, instant, unlimited reconciliation.
- Forgiving doesn't mean never having any painful memories or emotions related to the hurts or the hurters.