Monday, January 25, 2010

Feedback Regarding Recent Posts




I just wanted to thank you for this series. Not only did I find a link I needed to see concerning possible issues with one of my kids, but I found encouragement for myself as well.

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I've seen the No Longer Quivering blog, where many women have completely lost their faith over patriarchy, and I so grieve over this (and feel rage over the cause). I even began wondering, as those women did, what exactly was "real", and what was a head game. But my faith is rooted in the fact of the Resurrection, the fulfilled prophecies of scripture, esp. the return of Israel to her homeland, and the fact that the Bible would never have been produced by mere human beings, and that no other religious book in history has had as much scrutiny or opposition. Feelings cannot go that deep and thus survive the onslaught of doubt and suffering; but indisputable facts are an anchor that nothing can shake.

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I look back and realize I was a zombie. But a zombie that just immersed myself in the Word. Funny that did not really change my circumstances at all. What it did was clean out the wrong teaching and replace it with truth. I am glad for that but some weariness still exists that I wasted so much time. How much I missed because I was going through the motions. In many ways I feel robbed by professing Christians…Your series really helped me think through what I have been through. It aged me. It really did but I also gained great wisdom and like you, error is glaring to me now...it carries a neon sign around it. And it is everywhere.

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Anyway, suffice it to say, that we eventually found a church where we are receiving good expository Bible teaching that is very grace-filled, and we have not returned to [our old church]. But I feel that I came away from my experience [there] with my faith very damaged, and I can’t even really explain why.

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[A]lthough I didn't formally experience the kind of mind control you did, I sometimes think the whole world is a mind-controlling cult. But because you shared your struggle (and esp. that it didn't end in abandoning the faith as some do), I'm sure that I wont' be the only one encouraged by the mere fact that we're not alone and that it really isn't all our fault.

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[T]hrough these times of feeling betrayed by people I trusted, I realize that my faith has been stripped to the core, to see ("prove") what it's really made of. It's easy for us to be faithful when all goes well and we are basking in the warmth of good friends, but when very few remain we find out how deep that taproot goes.

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You're right--I really do struggle with even reading the Bible now. When I participated in the Precept study immediately upon leaving [my church], it was only half-hearted. Then I, again, half-heartedly, participated in a Bible study at our new church this past fall. But since that ended…I haven't picked up my Bible to even read it. This is very uncharacteristic for me, but I guess I'm just trying to give myself time and space to work through this, rather than push myself.

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My family is still somewhat wounded, but God has removed much of our pain and distrust. We are in a regular, traditional church right now and the members are so kind and trustworthy. They have been a great source of healing by showing such mercy and love.