From Harriet Braiker's
Protecting Your Vulnerabilities
(Pgs 121-122)
…Here’s the basic rule:
Love, friendship, and goodwill generally feel
safe and uncomplicated;
whereas manipulation feels
coercive, confining and entangling.
If a skilled manipulator holds out the promise of something that you deeply desire or something that you deeply desire to avoid, he or she is very likely attempting to throw a hook into your need system. Eventually it can become a deep hook if you take the bait.
coercive, confining and entangling.
If a skilled manipulator holds out the promise of something that you deeply desire or something that you deeply desire to avoid, he or she is very likely attempting to throw a hook into your need system. Eventually it can become a deep hook if you take the bait.
If the manipulator shows you how your behavior or actions can either help to make this gain occur or can help to prevent a feared loss (this is the bait), the seed of manipulation is planted, an unless you act to resist his or her control, your personal freedom may well be at risk. Your most desired gains and your most feared losses are precisely where the manipulator will attach the hooks that will increasingly pull your strings…
Remember, at first the manipulation may be camouflaged as “benign influence,” but once the manipulation shifts to coercion and the pressure starts to build, the manipulator can hold powerful sway over you… By knowing what you really desire and/or what you most fear losing, you are gaining an edge over a would-be manipulator who tries to exploit those deeply felt desires of yours. Knowning what they are allows you to keep your antennae raised so that you are in a better position to spot manipulation when it is on you.
