Human identity presents us with perplexing challenges as we understand and develop our unique individuality while also sharing common connection, love, and purpose with others. We also find it painful to realize that we’re limited creatures in a challenging world, so we create rules, strategies, and perspectives that give the illusion of stability and safety. Then our human nature wraps all kinds of justifications around those ideas to bolster them — Welcome to the human race.
Before time and experience broaden our limited perspective, we are blind to other possibilities because of the temporary comfort our justifications bring us. If we are subject to Bounded Choice (the illusion of choices without the structure or resources to make them viable), those justifications might be needful to give our lives continuity and meaning. They may even be required of us while we are dependent on the care of others for their provision (our survival as children).
It takes tremendous honesty and courage to allow ourselves to see our lives in hindsight, let alone confess to our mistakes, regardless of why we made them. It’s even harder to do so publicly.
Today, someone sent me a link to this post by the Botkin Sisters, in which they recant many of the concepts advanced in the book they wrote as teens. They also apologize for the harm the book and their influence may have caused. Having demonstrated this trapping of human nature as directed by their family and culture, I'm glad to see them also set a fine example of the better elements of humanity by courageously taking responsibility for it. It takes time, experience, and thoughtfullness to sort out these kinds of ideas.
This is my prayer for them, which so many of us who have been critical of this ideology have already been praying for so long:
May God continue to protect and guide both Elizabeth and Anna Sophia, richly recompensing them for any opportunities denied them in the past. As God shows His lovingkindness, may it abound in their families. May they learn to be evermore compassionate and forgiving with themselves. May they realize many years of rich, rewarding lives of love, blessing, and healing to come. May they know abundant joy.
I'm still procrastinating about writing up my
official Mother's Day post, so in the meanwhile, I'll help to
contribute tangibly by planting some ideas. As noted in previous
posts, without condemning or condoning anyone, too many children are
still in need of pragmatic help after more than 1000 people were evicted from their homes.
It is my
opinion also that there are many sides to the debate, and the
children in the families who are currently faithful to Fundamentalist
Mormon beliefs have little to no voice in the political and religious
debates. So before I make my pitch to give to the needy, I'd like to
tell you why I'm braking tradition to talk about where to get good
deals on shoes and school supplies.
I'm deeply honored and am excited that
Becca's Tea Blog
decided to repost the recent
item that I wrote for Spiritual Sounding Board (SSB) concerning
Lourdes Torres-Manteufel. It explains the Second
Generation Adult (SGA) phenomenon within high demand groups and
families, especially the constraints that SGAs face when exiting high
pressure situations. There has been little written about it among
former followers of the Quiverfull/Patriarchy Movement, though the
community knows much of the constraints and limitations. They also
face the friction that they encounter when relating to those who were
or still are part of the first generation followers.
Spiritual Sounding Board (SSB) just posted the first of four installments explaining why people get caught up and stuck in high demand systems — but with a notable focus on manipulated young women. I’d already been working on material describing the “Second Generation Adult” (a person who grows up in a high demand/spiritually abusive/cultic group), and I also wanted to revisit the concept of “bounded choice.” Sadly, the events surrounding the close of Vision Forum became a perfect framework against which to explore these pressures and how they intensify for young people. I’m honored that SSB saw the value in posting the information there.
I once heard a story about an elephant that spent its life tethered to a stake that was driven deeply into the ground. He spent his whole life living only within the radius allowed by the tether. One day, the tether breaks, but the elephant never ventures out beyond that which he has always known, even though he is no longer physically restricted. He stays within the familiar and never ventures out beyond the well-worn path, the radius of that which the elephant has always known. It’s really quite a sad story.
The concept of bounded choice parallels that of the story of the elephant. Though no physical restraints exist, people who believe that they have no choice find that forces more powerful than physical ones keep them bound to a predictable number of options. In “Take Back Your Life,” what I consider the definitive guide to personal recovery from group manipulation, Janja Lalich describes what bounded choice looks like for those within a group.
From page 50:
In other words, neither the charismatic leader nor others in the group need to be present to tell a follower what to do; rather, having internalized the lessons and adapted her outlook, the loyal and true believer knows precisely what she needs to do to stay in the good graces of the all-knowing and all powerful leader. The true believer need only ‘imagine’ what actions to take, knowing full well that she will act within the bounds of the cult reality, for in a sense her self has merged with the leader and the group. What other reality is there? The one thing the devoted adherents cannot imagine is life outside the group. In other words, the cult member is constrained by both external (real or imagined) and internal sanctions. At this point, whatever choices remain are “bounded” ones. They are choices, yes, but not free ones. They are choices of life or death — figuratively, and, in some cases, literally.
Once an individual becomes a part of a closed, totalistic system, several factors work to keep them entrenched in that system, powerfully tethered to the predictable radius that is acceptable to the group. Members appear to have a wealth of options, but often, the group dynamics and the withholding of information and knowledge drastically limit rational choice. Because of distorted and absent boundaries, personal choice actually become organizational choice which constrains the member to a predetermined set of “givens.” Though it is true that all people do not possess an unlimited number of possibilities, the structure of totalistic groups confines them even further.
Janja Lalich expands upon this concept to describe the comprehensive factors that bind an individual within a totalistic group, identifying four “interlocking and interactional dimensions of the social structure” that creates a “bounded reality and contribute to a state of personal closure for the individual participant” (pg 261).
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These factors serve to create a closed reality for the individual. Lifton described this “personal closure” of options (not closure of "completion" but a sense of personal restraint) wherein the group deprives the individual of inner reflection apart from the group ideology and milieu, inhibiting their ability to test the reality of the environment. The group ideal becomes the only real perspective for the closed individual (an ideal maintained by milieu control, manipulation, social systems of control, impossible personal demands for perfection), and the individual can only perceive that everything else outside of the group’s reality as unreal and unthinkable. The individual becomes alienated from both the outside world and even their own inner life because of the profound lack of appropriate personal boundaries required by the group.
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Lalich explains that the group manipulation of the true believer in an idealistic group far surpasses the extent of the power and influence governing conformity in normal settings because the depth and extent of group manipulation and control is so much greater by comparison. The system of ideological totalism poses an all-encompassing system and phenomenon that absorbs every aspect of a persons’ life, far exceeding the pressures of cognitive dissonance alone.
But what does this look like specifically?
Lalich tells us that all idealistic, manipulative and cultic groups center around a Charismatic Leader (Charismatic Authority)who develops a group of elite individuals that surround them, an upper echelon or inner circle of leadership. When a member receives acknowledgement from that “inner circle” or from the charismatic group leader personally, this greatly reinforces their own sense of pride, personal power and sense of personal elitism as well. They experience love and admiration for the leadership as positive reinforcement, but there are negative deterrents associated with the charismatic leadership as well. But accompanying this love comes specific fear of leadership, fear of loss of status, fear of failure to meet the impossible group standard, fear of the power that the group holds over others in the group, etc. For those who depend upon the group for their basic human needs and lack the ability to provide for themselves, rejection results in fear for their very survival.
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TheIdealistic (Transcendent) Belief System acts as a tether to the group in positive ways by providing members lives with greater purpose and meaning. They take pleasure in the connection with the strength of the virtuous group which also helps to solidify their experience. In contrast, negative reinforcement also binds them to the group ideology because they soon realize that the rigid dogma that demonizes those outside of the group deprives them of any identity should they leave the group.
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Duty and guilt bind the member to the Systems of Control within the group. Social pressures and obligation to the group bind members to the ideology, serving as a most powerful motivation technique. The “leader becomes the moral arbiter” for the group, and members learn to displace their own better judgment in favor of the group norm, revising their own personal code of ethics. Repetition, ritual and required behavior compliance desensitizes members, and they behave in ways that they would reject under other circumstances. The individual develops deep bonds of personal investment with the group, what Johnson and VanVonderan term “sweat equity.” Leaving the social network requires abandonment of all situational supports, making life outside the group an increasingly unthinkable option over time, if at all for those who were raised within the system.
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Systems of Manipulation within the group require unity and merging with the group persona, separating the individual from their previous or “pre-cult” identity. Information from outside of the group becomes inaccessible in addition to the systematic removal of appropriate personal boundaries cause the member to internalize the group perception of reality. Though the individual occasionally experiences some cognitive dissonance over inevitable inconsistencies, the group monopolizes most outlets available, so the dissonance is largely limited and controlled. Life outside of the group becomes increasable inconceivable to members, and it is beyond all comprehension for those raised within the system. Leaving the group results in the loss of all personhood because the person’s sense of self and perhaps their sustenance depends entirely upon the group.
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All of these separate dimensions of the group interlock and reinforce one another, providing “claustrophobic personal boundaries” (pg 259). The individual becomes enmeshed with the group, identifying with the leader, adopting the idealistic (totalistic) belief system of a utopia, polarized view that all reality outside the group is inherently evil, and they have adopted the behaviors of the group. Not only does the group monopolize one’s internal, individual perceptions, choices are drastically limited to those supported by the group. Particularly for young women who have only been trained for limited activities within the home, and if they suffer academically, they are physically confined and would be deprived of physical provision. All contingencies have been predetermined by the dogma of the group, and unless support is offered by someone outside of the system or perhaps from a renegade comrade within the group, the individual has no option of choice.
Generally, we need to better understand present-day manifestations of cultic thinking and totalistic systems and their effects on our society. Although the two groups discussed in this book [Democratic Workers Party and Heaven’s Gate] may be regarded as extreme and unusual, in fact, the people in them were in many ways no different from everyday citizens. They were by no means crazy or suffering from psychological maladies – at least not when they joined. Nor were they evil, ill-intentioned, or stupid. For the most part, they were just people who had a deep desire for a better life and found a way to act on it that they thought was right for them.Unfortunately, their idealism was betrayed by the very systems in which they participated, the very structures they worked so hard to uphold.
Indoctrination and reinforcement of the changed aspects of self that have been set off balance through cognitive dissonance are often accomplished through social mentoring and this helps solidify the transformation. So if I can get you to feel something, the quicker that I can get you to behave in accordance with your feelings, the more solid the transformation becomes.
"Can you say, Amen?" That's a "three-fer." I've invited you to think in agreement with me, I've asked you to respond with an action of repeating me, and I've likely engaged your emotion. The quicker that I can get you to reinforce the shift or change, the better. This is great to know when buying a car. The salesman wants you to get in the car, drive it, love it and want it. If he can get your name and number (if you weren't absolutely determined to consider buying the car), and you like him, he's much closer to closing the sale. The quicker that he can facilitate this, all the better
Getting ControlIndoctrination and reinforcement of the changed aspects of self that have been set off balance through cognitive dissonance are often accomplished through social mentoring and this helps solidify the transformation. So if I can get you to feel something, the quicker that I can get you to behave in accordance with your feelings, the more solid the transformation becomes.
"Can you say, Amen?" That's a "three-fer." I've invited you to think in agreement with me, I've asked you to respond with an action of repeating me, and I've likely engaged your emotion. The quicker that I can get you to reinforce the shift or change, the better. This is great to know when buying a car. The salesman wants you to get in the car, drive it, love it and want it. If he can get your name and number (if you weren't absolutely determined to consider buying the car), and you like him, he's much closer to closing the sale. The quicker that he can facilitate this, all the better.
Double Bind
The double bind is a type of cognitive dissonance wherein you are "damned if you do and damned if you don't."Jesus referred to the technique of the “double bind” when he chastised the Pharisees for their “thought stopping” riddle regarding swearing by the temple, which meant nothing, versus the more binding oath of swearing by the gold of the temple (Mt. 23:16-17).
Contradictory and/or complex information communicated congruently causes temporary confusion and disorientation (e.g., The harder I try to understand, the more I will never understand. Understand?) The Pharisees were intimidating (emotion) and demanded others to agree. They also wanted to solicit behavior and modeled it for others. Such a divisive presentation of information in a controlled environment and in pressured conversation induces most people to respond by a temporary suspension of thought. There you are, in front of a Pharisee, and you are under pressure. They are also dangling your eternal fate over your own head, baiting you to comply. Resistance isn't futile, but it is often difficult under certain circumstances. This causes adaptation of behavior to fit the circumstance created to establish dominance and manipulative control over the will of the individual.
That's one way that thought reform can go to church or meet you at the door when you arrive.
Janja Lalich coins the term Bounded Choice in "Take Back Your Life" and in her book "Bounded Choice." Within the Evangelical groups that embrace what is termed by these groups as "Biblical Patriarchy" (which is neither truly Biblical or patriarchy, IMO), many of those near the subordinate end of the chain of command are required to trust all decisions and the formulation of opinions to their authorities. This is a huge, very difficult element of Spiritual Abuse. It’s one of those perspectives that you can barely understand without having a larger vantage or better perspective. Also, because you fail to realize that you’ve been duped, you do not recognize (and are usually reluctant) to acknolwedge that a part of you has been bound and gagged by fear or by the “unthinkable.” Personal choices become organizational choices, and those belong to authorities. (This differs from living in submission to the Word and the Spirit because even God does not ask of us what these groups and relationships ask.) In “Take Back Your Life,” Lalich describes this as “bounded choice” of urgent and/or moral imperatives. It defines a closed social system wherein one only appears to have a choice. She says that there are several elements required. Bounded Choice of True Believers (pg 48);
Charismatic Authority
(root cause of a cult; imbalanced power structure)
Transcendent Belief System
(impossible or very difficult to achieve ideals which includes the moral imperatives/standards)
Systems of Control
(demand for transformation)
Systems of Influence
(formula for salvation which is the root cause of ideology)
Praise God that He works in us without fear or coercion He transforms our will and does not crush us with His power. He loves us and transforms us without exerting and forcing His authority as He desires us to yield ourselves in love, freedom and liberty. He gives us THE only formula for salvation through his Grace and Sacrifice. He also bears the penalty for inability to every meet the demands of the transcendent system of belief. He is our transcendence, not a list of ideals. ................... Blog Comments: Cindy Kunsman Says:
September 20th, 2007 at 1:06 pm
Here’s a quote that may make things a bit more clear:
(pg 50 from “Take Back Your Life”)
“In other words, neither the charismatic leader nor others in the group need to be present to tell a follower what to do; rather, having internalized the lessons and adapted her outlook, the loyal and true believer knows precisely what she needs to do to stay in the good graces of the all-knowing and all powerful leader. The true believer need only ‘imagine’ what actions to take, knowing full well that she will act within the bounds of the cult reality, for in a sense her self has merged with the leader and the group. What other reality is there? The one thing the devoted adherents cannot imagine is life outside the group. In other words, the cult member is constrained by both external (real or imagined) and internal sanctions. At this point, whatever choices remain are “bounded” ones. They are choices, yes, but not free ones. They are choices of life or death — figuratively, and, in some cases, literally.
