How Some Churches Shame Their Members

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Understanding the Duggars: A Series of Posts at **Redeeming Dinah**

As part of a presentation, I decided to create what is essentially an online bibliography for those interested in background information about the Duggars, the Independent Fundamental Baptists (IFB), Gothard, Quiverfull, and the Troubled Teen Homes within the IFB. Information about them all can be accessed at the new site, Redeeming Dinah. 

Overviews of these subjects are provided/  Just the tabs at the blog's header for pages of info that include brief descriptions, helpful links and videos.

As part of that effort, I turned a fairly extensive email interview with a journalist about a year ago into a blog series at the new site. I hope will provide resources and encouragement to those who have exited the high demand systems listed above. It was a nice opportunity to review and consolidate information to make it more accessible.

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Surviving Conferences and Surviving Church

I was thrilled to see many survivors from Sovereign Grace Ministries (SGM) make it to the International Cultic Studies Association meeting in Washington, DC last month. I can barely believe that a whole months has elapsed. Of course, I planned to write several posts about it, but I've yet to produce a single one. I've done some networking and have so many people with whom to follow up regarding so many different issues and topics.

By now, I'd hoped to blog about a wonderful acquaintance I made at the meeting – a retired vicar named Stephen Parsons who hosts a blog called Surviving Church. He traveled all of the way across the pond to attend. Apart from seeing former SGM members attend, I think that meeting Stephen was the high point of the meeting for me. He presented a session about the research of Philip Zimbardo and how it applies to the phenomenon of spiritual abuse and of cults. He also expresses an interest in the concept that Zimbardo hints about – that perhaps the position of the modern minister creates a potential for narcissism.

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An Educational Workshop About the Experience and the Needs of the Spiritually Abused in Silver Spring, MD

A note from Cindy Kunsman:

Rev. Bob Pardon and Judy Pardon who operate Meadowhaven, a recovery center for those who have exited high demand groups, will be giving a workshop discussing the phenomenon of spiritual abuse.  If you live near Silver Spring, MD and can attend on Wednesday, July 2nd at 2PM, please feel welcome to attend.  The workshop will be held before the Annual International Cultic Studies International Conference at the Sheraton Silver Spring on Georgia Avenue.

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Why Stay in the “Church of the Gospel of Discipline”? (What do SGM, Millennials, and Nouthetics have in common?)

Thursday's post reviewed the scandal at Sovereign Grace Ministries (SGM) as an example of spiritual abuse. After posting it, I found myself thinking again about my criticisms of some of the related articles I cited by the “Rock Star” Baptist leaders. While purporting to establish standards of conduct for churches, they presented many of their statements in the form of rhetorical questions which they used as talking points: “Should we stay in our local church?” “Should we go?” “Should we talk about why we want to leave?” Perhaps the church should ask better questions of themselves: “Why would anyone really want to stay here?” This question becomes especially poignant when considering that Evangelical Christianity was commissioned to make new disciples to faith in Jesus by sharing His Gospel – that which is supposed to be “good news” to those who hear it. “Why come?” “Why stay?” If people reach out to religion to find encouragement, hope, and meaning as they struggle with the hardships of life, why would they want to embrace a religion that ultimately takes these things away from them?

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An Example of the Anatomy and Physiology of Spiritual Abuse: Mahaney, T4G and the Gospel Coalition

In then next few days, I will feature a post written by a university professor who left Evangelicalism because of how poorly the Church responded to his needs. He references the similar plight of a population of people within the Sovereign Grace Ministries (SGM) network of churches as an example of his frustration with his own matter of concern. Prior to diving into his contribution here, I wanted to focus back on how spiritual abuse works using the example of recent events  and problems concerning SGM. The misuse and abuse of authority through rigid systems allows a fleeting virtuous end to justify ever more questionable and unethical means. Soon, the individual that the system was meant to aid them finds themselves crushed by it instead, and the system blackmails the individual by claiming to govern their eternal fate. 

For many years, several parents and families endeavored to engage their church leaders to adequately and appropriately attend to the needs of all of those who were ill affected what emerged as a pattern of of both physical and sexual abuse that insulated abusers. When these change agents failed, they filed a class action civil lawsuit against SGM leaders for decades of unreported child physical and sexual abuse, attempts to cover up these cases, and for the pain and shame suffered by those who were manipulated to remain silent.

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Bypassing Scrutiny in Spiritual Abuse

Alan Tate Wood on "Inside the Head" of a new recruit:

These experiences, occurring often as they do within the highly charged, tightly controlled atmosphere of the cult, are not subjected to the kind critical scrutiny that they ordinarily would be. Instead they are metabolized and socialized within the language and doctrine of the cult. They are the occasion for increased approval from the group. Phenomenologically speaking, they initiate the "divine history" of the individual, and they reinforce the history and mythology of the group. What is perceived as a flash of illumination and liberation becomes, in fact, the first step in a march toward moral slavery and psychological bondage.

The successfully socialized cult member has entered a world in which submission to authority, blind obedience and conformity have supplanted such "outmoded" notions of character formation as the development of self-reliance, the capacity for critical thinking and the need for openness and compassion in human relationships. Successful indoctrination into a destructive cult results in the repudiation of the individual conscience, rejection of one's critical faculties and the colonization of the imagination understood as a supernatural experience.

Read more HERE at Rick Ross.com

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The Marks of a Cult

With the explosion of different sects that claim to honor and follow Jesus, how does one differentiate between true Biblical Christianity and an aberrant religious movement? Just what are "the marks of a cult?"


Marks Of A Cult from LuMeL on Vimeo.



Total is 23 minutes of a 2 hour Documentary you can purchase HERE from the Apologetics Group.
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Shepherding: Many Variations on a Theme

The previous post reviewed the emphasis on submission that came out of many groups that were born during the time of the Charismatic Renewal. Understanding this aberrant “submission doctrine” and how it developed is essential to understanding the shepherding movement and its many variants that exist today. All of the Shepherding/Discipleship groups observed this focus on submission and the “umbrella of protection” concept to varying degrees and continue to do so, despite the fact that shepherding was theoretically denounced and renounced by most Evangelical leaders and some of the leaders of shepherding themselves. I’ve heard from many people over the past week or so tell me that they knew nothing of the practices of shepherding, but that does not surprise me. I participated very actively in a Shepherding group for four years and never knew that there was such a practice or an well-organized set of doctrines associated with it. I knew nothing of the history, and I had to be told about it by an exit counselor.

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Links to Blogs and Ongoing Discussions of Abuse in the Church

In an article I referenced in the last post, Ron Henzel notes that the term “abuse” gives many Christians pause and problems. He discusses what I call the “culture of victimhood” that was so encouraged 20 years ago when everyone was a victim of something and needed some sort of therapeutic measure to be made whole. It seemed like a select few people had been victimized and began to heal, and they projected that experience onto everyone else on the planet with the good news of their deliverance from their personal evils. And our culture drank too deeply from the fountains of the victim mentality and developed quite a sour belly full of it.

The problem is that there is a serious and what I would define as a growing problem with real abuse in the church today. Just because others have overused and extended the term should not turn into a reaction that ignores real abuse. We have problems with neglect of those we should be ministering to within our walls and outside of them, but that is not abuse as many have defined it. That problem is yet another problem, a different one. But I mean serious, actual abuse. Reflecting upon the Lord’s work in my life in recent years, a dear friend wrote to me yesterday, stating that “those times have given you the insight to address many of the imperious, life-strangling movements in today's church.” And I see more instances of abuse now than I did then, even when I was very hypervigilant and still suffering the active pain that those abuses brought with them.

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Is Spiritual Abuse Biblical?

Essentially, the most vivid examples of spiritual abuse come from Ezekiel 34 and Zechariah 11, with the consummate example of spiritual abuse embodied in the Pharisees and Sadducees. Though I’ve listed the references for these Scriptures below, I have also displayed the full texts on the Under Much Grace website, and you can LINK HERE to read them (and as of April 2012, they are also noted below).

There are also two excellent articles that discuss whether or not spiritual abuse is actually found within Scripture itself.

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Distinguishing Doctrine from Behavior: What Makes a Cult a Cult?

I recently pointed out the connection between the Great Commission “Bible-based cult” and Vision Forum through the person of Geoffrey Botkin. The Great Commission group (GC, GCM, GCI, GCAC, etc.) has been classified as a variant group that follows of the shepherding/discipleship/submission doctrine, terms with which many Christians still remain unfamiliar. For the benefit of all, I would like to define these terms in the next few blog posts. 

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Evangelical Christians are Vulnerable to Deception and Spiritual Abuse

Knowledge of solid Biblical doctrine will not protect or shield a person from spiritual deception. Many Evangelical Christians, including those who participate in Christian apologetics (defending the truth of the Christian faith with the Bible as the standard) believe that they are insulated from deception and spiritual abuse. Note what Dr. Harold Bussell has to say about how vulnerable just such a belief can render a person highly vulnerable.  

Believing that one is impervious to spiritual deception actually puts a person at high risk for deception.

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Langone on Techniques of Mind Control

Michael Langone, Ph.D. on manipulative methods used by spiritual abusers

From "Cults and Mind Control" on the ICSA Website:


What is Mind Control?

Mind control (also known as "brainwashing," "coercive persuasion," and "thought reform") refers to a process in which a group or individual systematically uses unethically manipulative methods to persuade others to conform to the wishes of the manipulator(s). Such methods include the following:

• extensive control of information in order to limit alternatives from which members may make "choices"
• deception
• group pressure
• intense indoctrination into a belief system that denigrates independent critical thinking and considers the world outside the group to be threatening, evil, or gravely in error an insistence that members’ distress-much of which may consist of anxiety and guilt subtly induced by the group-can be relieved only by conforming to the group
• physical and/or psychological debilitation through inadequate diet or fatigue the induction of dissociative (trance-like) states via the misuse of meditation, chanting, speaking in tongues, and other exercises in which attention is narrowed, suggestibility heightened, and independent critical thinking weakened
• alternation of harshness/threats and leniency/love in order to effect compliance with the leadership’s wishes isolation from social supports pressured public confessions

Read more HERE.

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From the ReFocus Website:

Post-Cult Trauma Syndrome*

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After exiting a cult, an individual may experience a period of intense and often conflicting emotions. She or he may feel relief to be out of the group, but also may feel grief over the loss of positive elements in the cult, such as friendships, a sense of belonging or the feeling of personal worth generated by the group's stated ideals or mission. The emotional upheaval of the period is often characterized by "post- cult trauma syndrome":

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Some Effects of Spiritual Abuse

From David Henke on Spiritual Abuse (Watchman Fellowship's Profile of Spiritual Abuse):

EFFECTS OF SPIRITUAL ABUSE

Spiritual abuse has a devastating effect on people. A very high level of trust is often placed in spiritual leaders. It is, and ought to be, expected that the trust will be honored and guarded. When such trust is violated the wound is very deep. Sometimes the wound is so deep that the wounded person cannot trust even a legitimate spiritual authority again.

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More on Spiritual Abuse: Reasons Why We Get Drawn into the System

The Problem of Shame

As mentioned in the previous post, all people share a common trait: we all bear a certain degree and potential for shame. The Christian explains this by putting this in spiritual terms. This shame derives from our separation from God which occurred in the Garden of Eden at the time of Adam’s fall from grace. This shame over our separation from God and our fallen nature (sin nature) serves as the foundation of all of our other shame.

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Refocusing on the Basics of Spiritual Abuse

Over the past two months, I’ve addressing several different and specific aspects of the patriocentric or the so-called “Biblical patriarchy” movement. That group in particular was the primary impetus for my online discussion and writing about the larger topic of spiritual abuse.

 There are many other different groups that fall under this main category, but my most disturbing experiences originated within the roots of what has become patriocentricity. Most recently, I mentioned the topic of spousal abuse, preceded by a great deal of material on covert/emotional incest because I believe that both of these topics prove very significant to the patriocentric movement, not necessarily all those who suffer spiritual abuse. There are many such additional aspects to this specific movement that have been discussed here: kinism, neo-Confederate idealism, what some (not me!) call “hyper-Calvinism” (which I don’t think qualifies as Calvinism at all), the cult of domesticity, “militant fecundity,” a neo-gnostic/Pelagian quest for an “Uber Adam,” formulaic and simplistic plans for Christian living, etc. 

It is a diverse collection of beliefs all worthy of discussion. But I’d like to revisit the general topic of spiritual abuse and reorient a bit, putting all these things into perspective. There are many more groups who fall under the general category of spiritual abuse, though most discussion here had concerned the specifics of a particular group.

What is Spiritual Abuse? In very general terms, as there are many definitions for these types of things, spiritual abuse is the process by which a religious group or individual misuses the system, their authority and influence over followers for some advantage, but at the follower’s expense. There is always some degree of deception involved, though it is often impossible to know where the deception originates.

The group leader may be deceived by the system of teachings himself as a true believer of the religion that was thrust upon him at an earlier time. It may be that the group leader and others within the group use the idea of the greater ideological good and their intended goals to justify their manipulative means, but this element most always comes into play: “the end justifies the means.” In terms of Scripture, Jesus talked about these same concepts, using different language when discussing the Pharisees and “wolves in sheeps’ clothing.” The Bible touches upon all of the modern elements of the double bind, cognitive dissonance and some of these more complicated sounding terms, but the dynamics and techniques are nothing new. And I believe that Jesus was deeply moved with compassion for the spiritually abused when he discusses scattered sheep without a shepherd. None of this is anything new, though the language applied to it is.

You can select older material about spiritual abuse from the list of tags here, and I recommend listening to thatmom’s podcasts on spiritual abuse – seven in all. We discuss Henke’s definition, Robert Lifton’s criteria, Cialdini’s work regarding what he calls “Weapons of Influence” (often used by salesmen), ideas about manipulation, etc. There are several lists of some of these resources listed in the sidebar. Some are listed directly with links to additional information and the recommended links to more resources provide a whole universe to explore on this topic. And I believe that there is enough material to keep me busy documenting here for the rest of my days before covering all the different types and varieties of spiritual abuse, but I am primarily concerned, at this point, with patriocentricity. Perhaps one of the most difficult aspects of considering spiritual abuse is the message that the techniques used by Christian groups and manipulators do not differ from other, non-Christian religious groups or cults.

Though we are all very different from one another, basic human nature does not differ. Though each group practices the core techniques of manipulation differently and the degree to which one particular technique is used in comparison with others varies greatly, the same core characteristics of manipulation and coercion are present in every idealistic and totalistic group. The minute we add our own plans and programs to the Gospel, we start to head down this idealistic path of good intent while using very human means of accomplishing that “greater good.”

 Who Gets Pulled Into Spiritual Abuse? Anyone. Everyone is vulnerable. That is perhaps the most disturbing aspect of the topic: we are all vulnerable. The process of spiritual abuse is fairly simple. When we have unmet needs and during times of great stress or transition in our lives, we become more susceptible to influence. One is more likely to listen seriously to and consider the beliefs of a Good Samaritan after he has cared for us and bound our wounds. If we have a threatening problem, and someone offers a seemingly viable solution, we become well-disposed towards them and disbelieving of information that demonstrates that they are anything contrary to what we’ve understood about them. Many people become involved with cultic groups and get pulled into spiritual abuse after a major life transition or a period of grief that destabilizes them.

Identifying the problems, issues and pitfalls of a new group of people or ideas becomes much more difficult and less important when we are stressed as well as during the process of their meeting of our needs. The process of the very subtle manipulation used by individuals and groups seems quite harmless during this time of “honeymoon” with the group. Several aspects of manipulation sweep in during this phase – primarily that of milieu control and mystical manipulation. The environment is highly controlled to the advantage of the group (love bombing), making a fair and rational evaluation of the belief system and the facts about the group very difficult if not impossible. Robert Lifton states that the hallmark techniques are actually based upon clever use of logical fallacies and capitalize upon our inherent human weaknesses and tendencies. Cialdini’s writing helps us understand some of these tendencies and how our human nature aids in the process of deception about the belief system and the group.

Spiritually abusive systems capitalize upon shame and inherent weakness. All people have a degree of guilt and shame because we are fallible human beings. We are not perfect and cannot attain perfection, however much we desire it. This type of shame describes something very different than true moral guilt over one’s specific actions, almost a general sense of disappointment in one’s self because of our limitations.

 In her book “Hurt People Hurt People,” Sandra Wilson states it this way: “As I see it, shame is rooted in the lie that human beings can and should be perfect. And being perfect includes the ‘take anything’ factor, (that is, endure any circumstance without feeling anything but ‘fine’ and without behaving any way but ‘nice.’)” So in that respect, all people have shame potential that a system or individual can exploit. Some potential and degree of shame is a universal human trait. Abusers of all types, not just spiritual abusers, exploit this human trait to gain undue influence over others. For those who have unresolved shame issues in their pasts that they continue to carry with them, the degree to which you can be manipulated increases.

I appreciate Harriet Braiker’s writing on manipulation because she discusses all aspects of many types of manipulation and how to move from being a “soft-target” for a manipulator by developing the traits of a “hard target.” Any extra shame that we have hanging around in our minds and hearts gives a spiritual abuser or any type of manipulator a foothold for exploitation. (They exploit the good aspects of our human nature, and that which causes us emotional pain is all the more easy to exploit.) Until the next post, visit UnderMuchGrace.com for more information

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The Cycle of Abuse

This cycle has been a notable factor in some offline discussions that I've had with several people since this topic presented itself (from so many different sources). In any type of abuse or manipulative relationship (including spiritual abuse settings), we see this ever repeating pattern. I've seen this reproduced so many times, I don't even know who to credit as the original source. I offer my own version of it here. I think of the calm phase as the first step in the process, though people frequently do not indicate this as the first phase in the process in their diagrams. Here is my own version of the "cycle of abuse." Honeymoon/Calm Phase Things seem wonderful at what I always consider the beginning of the pattern, and everyone (particularly the victim) hopes beyond hope that things will be different from here. Everything has been resolved and the problems will not persist. There is open communication and things seem to be back on the desired, ideal track. You forgive and you forget. All the past is forgotten.

Tension Phase Things start to become a bother, especially for the person who is abusive. Things start to become irritating and these offences begin to build. Communication that was very open just a short time before is now difficult and guarded. There is much avoidant behavior and "walking on eggshells." "I'd better not provoke." "I'm going to get into trouble for this, so I won't say anthing." "I have a problem with this but I can't take the chance of talking about it."

Confrontation or Altercation Phase The accumulated tension or irritation errupts into some type of controntation and communication shifts from a passive avoidance to aggression on the part of just one or both of the parties involved. Here, we see verbal and physical abuse, intimidation, threats, ect. The accumulated tension is unloaded in one acute event which is often not commensurate to what appears to have triggered the event.

 Reconciliation Phase Both parties basically become very shocked by the confrontation, and the frustration has been expressed by at least one party. The other party is left to deal with shock, injury, incredulity, ect. It is during this phase that apologies and excuses are offered to assuage the other partner's pain and emotion, whatever that may be. There may also be a great show of caring from the abusive party which engenders the sympathy of the injured. Both parties generally try to excuse the event by creating a myth about the altercation: "it wasn't that bad and was blown out of proportion." 

Denial is also a possibility, as the confrontation quickly and conveniently slips out of the remembrance of one or both parties. With Borderline Personality Disorder, the effect of that disease process actually prevent the memory from passing from short term into long term memory storage. It is literally forgotten. Then back to square one...

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About the New Mannerbund of Patriocentricity

From Taliban Rising's "Real Men: Married to the Brotherhood":


The more I read the writings of Christian and “Catholic” Patriocentrists, the more I am convinced that the entire “search for Biblical Headship or Normative Gender Roles,” is simply a manipulative tool for social engineering...

The headmaster of a private boys school was heard telling parents at a Basketball game, “We must get these boys away from their mothers!” There is a growing push to send boys away from their homes to boys’ schools where they will not be “infected by the feminizing influence of their mothers.” (It’s interesting that sending your boys away to school also removes them from the influence of the father.)

Now the newest trend in the Mannerbund movement is the encouragement of “Male Friendships.” This is the next step in establishing the spirit of the Mannerbund. The first stage of the movement was to convince women that the “Biblical, normative” behavior of a true Christian women was to relinquish her place in the “world,” even if she did not have children, and remain in her home or occupied exclusively with matters domestic. (What one “Catholic” Patriarchial genius calls the “delegated domain proper to women!”)...

Read the entire post at "Taliban Rising"
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