Thoughts for the Day

Quotes from Around the Web This Week

1. Confronting Deception

"Truth is an absolute defense against charges of libel and slander."

(Hicks)

2. Men of Honor

(Imagine this in Liam Neeson's Irish brogue)

"Honor is what no man can give you, nor can he take it away. Honor is a gift a man gives to himself"

("Rob Roy" quoted by Sandlin)

3. Racism and Elitism in Religion

"They were products of their evil systems and they LIKED the system and defended it. Dabney with slavery and Calvin with the state church. The system provided for them both some power and superiority over others."

(Lin)

4. The Best Inheritance

"Seek to pass along spiritual truths, especially as found in God’s Word, testimonies of His goodness and grace to us, poured out way beyond measure. In so doing you will be storing up eternal treasures for yourself and will be giving your children an inheritance that cannot be taken from them."

(Campbell)

5. Confronting So-called "Biblical Manhood" Confirmation Bias

"I think that it is time that we stop the abuse of Eve that is done in the name of God. I think that we should name it for what it really is - unbiblical male domination disguised as biblical manhood."

(Schatz)

6. Understanding "The Church"

"[W]e have to make sure we do not believe and practice a lot of things that grow out of a totally wrong view of the ekklesia, or the 'called out ones.'"

(Reisinger)

7. On Paradigms

"But anytime you do something in reaction TO something, there’s the danger of going in an opposite extreme. And I think that’s what’s happened with SGM’s [Sovereign Grace Ministries] “question (and reinvent) everything cultural” mentality. By trying to “get back to the New Testament church” and base everything they do on the Bible, they ended up squeezing methods and attitudes out of the Bible through extrapolation that the Bible never actually spells out."

(Kris)

8. God Creatively And Ironically Transforms Us

"As the wicked are hurt by the best things, so are the godly bettered by the worst things."

(Jenkyn)

My Copy of "Quiverfull" Just Shipped...

I have no idea what to expect from "Quiverfull," save the intro from Amazon. I'm curious to see if there is any truth in the book. Sometimes the liberal press makes astute observations.

Product Description

A journalist’s investigation of a Christian Right movement in which women put their fertility in the service of a patriarchal culture war

Fundamentalist Christianity may lose some access to power in the next election, but it has long-term plans. In this fascinating look at the new generation of fundamentalist Christian women, journalist Kathryn Joyce introduces us to the world of the patriarchy movement and Quiverfull families. Here, in direct and conscious opposition to feminist calls for marital equity, women live within stringently enforced doctrines of wifely submission and male headship. Instead of raising independent daughters, these Christians advocate a return to keeping daughters at home—and out of college—until their marriage to a suitor approved by Dad. To counter reproductive rights, they eschew all contraception in favor of the Quiverfull philosophy of letting God give them as many children as possible—families of twelve and more children that will, they hope, enable them to win the religious and culture wars through demographic means.

Quiverfull is a fascinating examination of the twenty-first-century women and men who proclaim self-sacrifice and submission as model virtues of womanhood—and as warfare on behalf of Christ.

About the Author

Kathryn Joyce received her B.A. from Hampshire College and her M.A. in cultural reporting and criticism from New York University. Her freelance writing has appeared in The Nation, Mother Jones, Newsweek, The Massachusetts Review, and other publications. She has received support from The MacDowell Colony and The Nation Institute and is former managing editor of The Revealer, a daily review of religion and the media published by NYU's Center for Religion and Media, a Pew Charitable Trusts "Center of Excellence." She lives in New York City.


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A Summary of Blog Posts About Kinist Racism in Patriocentricity and Vision Forum

Taunya Henderson continues her series on "The Marketing of the Titus 2 Woman," taking on the topic of racism and kinism.

I've already written a great deal on this topic, and I recently included the subject in a list of questions that I sent to Dr. Voddie Baucham after he agreed to answer my questions, all questions that remain unanswered.

For the benefit of the readers here, I will post a summary of my posts on kinism to make it easier to review them, a most unpleasant and depressing topic. I find kinism to be merely a convenient excuse for hatred and elitism, both of which are inconsistent with Christianity under the New and Better Covenant.

Introduction to Kinism

• “Guilt by Association or Behavior Unbecoming a Teacher of the Gospel?” (A good introduction to kinism if you are unfamiliar with the term.)

• Perception: A Major Problem for Patriarchy (An introduction to how kinism figures into the so called “Biblical patriarchy” or patriocentricity movement. It does NOT detail the saga of how the kinists became offended by RC Sproul, Jr’s adoption of a son with Black skin and the war that followed among the Dabney-hailing factions within patriocentricity. The true agrarian kinists viewed Sproul and his close associates as “Dabney turncoats” who abandoned their “true” Southern Cause.)

• Not Just Whistling Dixie (My unique personal experience of waking up to kinism at work in the Reformed corner of the Church.)

• Getting Back on the Same Page (Discussing what it was like having a husband who had been indoctrinated to love the “Southern Cause” without question as a religious and patriotic tradition. I had to show him the actual racist writings of Dabney before he would believe that he said anything openly racist because of the way Dabney ws presented to him in history courses at Virginia Tech.)

• May the Lord Alone Rise Again (Neither North Nor South) (Problems with mixing religious idealism with politics in a pluralistic, democratic republic. Some matters are religious, and some matters should be informed by our Christianity and not expressly ruled by it. Peripherally mentions kinism.)

• Patriocentric Fringe in the Catholic Church

Kinism in Central Illinois

• A Review of Reviews of “Passionate Housewives”

Racism and Kinism in Patriocentricity: A Study of the Relationship

• Racist Roots of the Constitution Party? Maybe Some Tree Branches…

• What is the Southern Perspective? A Story of One View Among Many Diverse and Perverse Ones

• The Problem of Solving Theological Problems with Military and Industrial Force

• Race and Slavery as Synonymous or Separate Issues?

• More Thoughts About the Role of Transcendentalism and the Social Gospel

• How Much Goodness Does the Image of God Lend Us? States Rights, Autonomy, and Slavery

• White Supremacy, Greed and Survival

• List of questions for Voddie Baucham About the FIC (Questions for Dr. Baucham regarding his relationship with men who so strongly venerate RL Dabney.)

• John Robbins on Christians and the Civil War

• Comparing Kinism's Spiritual Politics with Occidentalism

Agrarians and Kinism: Carmon Friedrich as a Prototype

• The Tip of the Kinism Iceburg? (Citing Carmon’s friendships with Harry Seabrook and Chad Degenhart, cofounders of the Kinist Institute.)

• Webshot of the Tip of the Iceberg (Copy of webpage conversations.)

• An Invitiation to a Public Discussion

• Doug Wilson on “Guilt By Association” (A comment related to the discussion of many overlapping relationships of individuals involved in Rushdoony-oriented Reformed Christianity, agrarianism and the patriocentrics.)

Watch the Wave

The Marks of a Cult

With the explosion of different sects that claim to honor and follow Jesus, how does one differentiate between true Biblical Christianity and an aberrant religious movement? Just what are "the marks of a cult?"


Marks Of A Cult from LuMeL on Vimeo.



Total is 23 minutes of a 2 hour Documentary you can purchase HERE from the Apologetics Group.
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A Summary of the Posts About Multigenerational Faithfulness

When I decided that to examine the loaded language term of “multigenerational faithfulness,” describing how Vision Forum and her affiliates refer to the term, I anticipated covering the concepts in just a few blog posts. Really... The ambiguous and nebulous term itself actually lacks substance in and of itself, so I did not anticipate that the term was indeed as loaded as it proved to be when I looked at exactly what they taught. I realized that the term was misleading, but I did not fully realize just how they used it to encapsulate so much of their core doctrine. Upon reviewing the downloadable sermons and written material available, I was quite surprised to realize just how much the term “multigenerational faithfulness” represents for Vision Forum and their affiliate teachers and supporters.

Even considering small sections of specific teachings became far more complicated that I anticipated, because of the subtlety of it all. That’s why the system works as well as it does. About 20 years ago, in a Minerth Meyer book that talked about manipulation in relationships, I recall how they pointed out the subtlety of the serpent. Snakes always avoid direct conflict unless making eye contact with prey or responding defensively to an immediate threat, and they do not knock on your door to announce their arrival when they want curl up on your living room couch. They find opportunistic ways to "sneak in" by concealing themselves in packages (Trojan horses) that you actually carry in yourself or they find breaks in the foundation of your home. I believe that concept of multigenerational faithfulness takes advantage of this same type of subtlety, offering easier answers to the uncertainty of life by playing on our best desires for our families. We tend not to see the subtle distinctions along the the periphery of the message, those subtleties that we would otherwise reject outright. We become distracted, enticed and engaged by the obvious message which offers an entire pleasant package, much like a salesman markets a product to us. Addressing the many subtleties I discovered throughout the course of the discussion amounted to quite a few blog posts.


Thinking that multigenerational faithfulness refers to only the wonderful idea of raising your children so that they will be faithful Christians that will likewise raise their children to be faithful Christians, you might not anticipate the other associated concepts. Some of the ideas like homeschooling are quite pleasant and desirable, but some of them are based upon very narrowly defined doctrines that a person does not readily identify from the term “multigenerational faithfulness” alone.

• Gender Hierarchy and Roles
• Unchallenged, Unquestioned Submission and Obedience
• Obedience to Eldest Male in Husband’s Extended Family
• Election Through the Covenant Community and Birth
• Militant Fecundity
• Law Keeping to Merit Grace
• Replacement Theology and Dominionism
• Homeschooling and Home Catechism
  

I identify these as the more problematic core doctrinal concepts associated with Vision Forum’s concept of multigenerational faithfulness, undergirding the other doctrines:

1. Subjection to the curses of the Old Covenant (as opposed to freedom from the Law under the New and Better Covenant under the Blood of the Lamb)
2. Covenant blessing comes through the physical seed of believers under the New Covenant, with those who profess faith in Christ replacing physical Israel which makes “militant fecundity” essential.
3. Legalistic interpretation of covenant keeping through instructing children in a works-based salvation.
4. Developing inheritance (spiritual, intellectual and material) through human striving, a semi-Pelagian endeavor that extends from the works-based salvation aspects of the belief system.
   

Click to enlarge graphic.

So to help you sort through these many complicated implications, this topical list of the posts on this blog dealing with multigenerational faithfulness details the specifics that each blog entry includes.

Blog Posts Addressing
Examining Multigenerational Faithfulness

>Overview of the Web of Multigenerational Faithfulness

• Includes the Scripture references and proof texts for multigenerational faithfulness. Also refers to THIS POST quoting the FBFI 2006 Resolution criticizing the Family Integrated Church, offering some of the same criticisms of concern regarding multigenerational faithfulness

>Origins of the Term

• Discusses Rabbi Edwin Friedman’s coinage of the term as related to Murray Bowen’s “undifferentiated ego mass” concept and how it became popular in church growth and leadership training in the ‘90s through Friedman’s book “Generation to Generation: Family Process in Church and Synagogue.”

>The Spiritual Eugenics of Multigenerational Faithfulness: More Social Darwinism

• Examines the reasoning behind why Vision Forum views childbearing as God’s primary means of advancing the kingdom of God and the gnostic “higher life” Christianity which promotes elitism and separatism within certain groups of Christian homeschoolers.

>The Layers of Extra-biblical Belief Underneath Multigenerational Faithfulness and the 200 Year Plan

• A review of Geoff Botkin’s method for planning dominion for one’s family, extending to 200 years. Geoff Botkin worked for the Great Commission Ministries, one of the most well-documented Bible-based Shepherding-Discipleship cults and was business partners with it’s founder Jim McCotter. Review the history of Geoffrey Botkin’s activities HERE. The Great Commission Ministries followed the dominionist focus of reaching the world for Christ in one generation, with a particular interest in both communication media as well as recruiting young people on college campuses.

>Is Wilson Pro-Abortion or Just Following Multi-Generational Faithfulness?

• Discussion of the elitist mentality that stems from the view that God’s elect should restrict love, Christian service and ministry, offering it only to those who are perceived to be God’s elect under the concept of multigenerational faithfulness. (Those who reject God and will be numbered among the non-elect hate God and should be treated accordingly, per the mindset.) Examines Doug Wilson’s imprecatory prayers, particularly the prayer that the unborn babies of the non-elect should die in utero.

>Do New Testament Believers Become the New, Physical Seed of Abraham, Propagating the New Israel Nation of Christians Through the Womb?

• Review of “Protestant Exclusivism,” and the odd interpretation of Replacement Theology observed by Vision Forum under the guise of multigenerational faithfulness aimed at the fulfilling of the dominion mandate.

>Lack of New Testament Support for Multigenerational Faithfulness

• More discussion of the Old Covenant and works-based perspective of multigenerational faithfulness based upon the aberrant interpretation of the very few NT proof texts used, particularly those shared by the Shepherding/Discipleship/Submission doctrines.

>Return of the Daughters, Multigenerational Faithfulness and Uncle Ned

• A specific recap of Vision Forum’s teachings on the husband/father as the center of the home, wives and daughters as helpmeets that objects who exist to serve their patriarch’s “covenantal vision,” as well as the significance of submission to the oldest patriarch in the extended family system.

>First Time Obedience Introduction
The Selfish Sin of Shyness

• A review of the submission required under multigenerational faithfulness as Vision Forum’s carryover from Bill Gothard’s submission teachings with various examples of this demand for unquestioned obedience without credulity. First post specifically examining “First Time Obedience” in young children.

>First Time Obedience and Unquestioned Submission
Part I: Parental Convenience

• A review of the principle of sacerdotalism and parental convenience (as a control issue in dysfunctional families) as rationales for requiring “First Time Obedience” and “leaps of faith” required under multigenerational faithfulness.

>First Time Obedience and Unquestioned Submission
Part II: Spiritualizing All Activities

• Review of the tendency to make every banal daily activity one of great eternal spiritual significance as a consequence of works-based salvation. Includes a discussion of viewing personality traits that do not fit the belief system’s paradigm as sinful as well as the building up of all gender related activities as sacramental for the impartation of inward sanctification.

>First Time Obedience and Unquestioned Submission:
Addendum to Part II (Spiritualizing All Activities)

• Blog host’s personal experience with inherent personality traits treated by parents as sin, the idolatry of seeking parental approval, and the consequences of requiring unquestioned submission with the use of guilt and shame that predisposes one to easy brainwashing and compliance with thought reform. Includes a section from Biderman’s Chart of Coercion addressing the powerful effects of devaluing individuals in religious settings.

>First Time Obedience and Unquestioned Submission
Part III: Poor Development of Analytical Thought and Problem Solving Skills

• Discussion of the development of how perfectionism, works-based salvation and First Time Obedience squelch problem-solving skill and prevent the development of critical thinking under the guise of multigenerational faithfulness.

>First Time Obedience and Unquestioned Submission
Part IV: Theological Concerns

• A specific review of the theological problems in Voddie Baucham’s defense of First Time Obedience as well as the refutation of the practice from Scripture. Echos concerns noted in this previous blog post concerning Baucham’s “Family Driven Faith” book.

>RC Sproul, Jr’s Take on Multigenerational Faithfulness: “When You Rise Up”

• A brief review of RC, Sproul, Jr’s book about “covenantal homeschooling,” which notes a particularly disturbing passage that describes a nine year old girl who cannot yet read but is praised for “learning what God requires.”

>Thoughts on Fear-Based Obedience: It is Hollow and not Holy

• Notable quotes and considerations from both Andrew and Richard Sandlin that help to put multigenerational faithfulness into perspective.

Additional Posts on Submission Doctrine and the Shepherding Discipleship Movement

Additional Posts on Loading the Language
*Loading the Language
*The Term “Biblical” Becomes a Thought Stopping Cliche?
*"Biblical” Modifiers and Discernment
*The Selling of An Idea

The Ultimate Tragedy:

Another tragedy... is a problem of multigenerational nature. The serious dysfunction in a founding family will be absorbed by the children’s families and then their children’s families, a ripple of misery extending farther and farther down through the years. The dependency or dysfunction may change... But it’s there. It’s almost always there, wreaking it’s damage.

from "Love is a Choice:
The Definitive Book on Letting Go
of Unhealthy Relationships"
by Hemfelt, Minirth and Meier
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Thoughts on Fear-Based Obedience: It is Hollow and not Holy

I love these Sandlins... And as I wind up the discussion of multigenerational faithfulness, I wanted to bring attention to what Pastor Andrew Sandlin wrote to me about this discussion as well as a new entry that his father, Pastor Richard Sandlin, just posted on his blog today.


Regarding following the New Covenant by virtue of living under the legalism of the Old Covenant standards:

"Historically the church has seen Jesus as the True Seed of Abraham, and all those united to Him in faith are heirs of the Abrahamic promises (Gal. 3). While those promises include, in general, glorious pledges to our children, one of the errors of the modern patriarchy movement is to turn those promises into a technique of works-righteousness in which parental law-keeping (defined as rule adherence) secures multi-generational blessings. But for Moses, at the heart of the law is the Gospel, and it is this Gospel that seems tragically absent from much patriarchal ideology."

P. Andrew Sandlin

personal communication, 2Feb09

And from "False Fear"
on the "Sandlin Says" blog :

“They feared the Lord, and served their own gods.” This record is as old as the Bible, but it is as new as today. These ancient people have kin among us in our age. There is at this present time, a generation of professing Christians who say they fear the one true God, but serve another.

Something is tragically wrong when a person can divorce their fear of God from their obedience to God. We are told in the Scriptures to “...fear the Lord...and obey his voice...” It is plain to see, these ancients, along with their modern day contemporaries, have a counterfeit fear. Notice that all the wrong lies in the fear itself. If you’re wrong on the fear, then you’re wrong on everything else.

You can always spot a person with a false fear of God. Yes, they pay Him outward respect, and give Him formal recognition, but that is as far as it goes. This kind of fear is skin courtesy. There is no beating heart behind it. It’s hollow—not holy. These kinds of people give God a passing nod on their way to do something they feel is better.

The Irish have a good saying for a person when they speak without their heart being in it, “He speaks from the teeth out.”

Pastor Richard D. Sandlin

RC Sproul, Jr’s Take on Multigenerational Faithfulness: “When You Rise Up”

Before closing this discussion of multigenerational faithfulness, I would like to comment on RC, Jr’s book -- what he calls his “covenantal approach to homeschooling.” When searching online for the term, this book figures high on the list.


From a book excerpt on Amazon.com:

"While almost all Christian parents would agree with that statement, when the chalk meets the chalkboard, they live as if they care more about their children chalking up achievements and getting into a good college than cultivating humble obedience to God and encouraging a long-term vision of multi-generational faithfulness in their future families."


For many years, and for what I understand to pre-date the Bristol Virginia/Tennessee compound days, my husband and I read RC, Jr’s materials. From time to time, I would read encouraging things RC had written to my homeschooling mom friends to encourage them, but since my husband and I were busy battling illness and waiting on providence for the opportunity to homeschool our own kids, we glossed over most of RC’s homeschooling content. But we did read quite a bit of his material and listened to tapes and such. We were certainly not strangers to RC, Jr’s writings at all.

When I started reading “When You Rise Up: A Covenantal Approach to Homeschooling,” RC, Jr’s contribution to multigenerational faithfulness, I was shocked to discover that he now sounds to me like a "brave new ersatz theonomist," the type of theonomist that I don’t think that RJ Rushdoony would agree was an actual theonomist. After Rousas Rushdoony’s passing, it seems that all sorts of people popped up with all sorts of new beliefs that I’d never associated or read in the writings of theonomy before. (Some people tell me that he spent a great deal of time before he died correcting those who made theonomy into something like a new religion of the Judaizers.) A brand new legalistic theonomist have appeared over the past 10 years or so, people that John Robbins named “ersatz Evangelicals,” I think because he didn’t even want to call some of these folks Calvinists. This type of "schtick" caught me by surprise, as RC seems to be reading right out of the Doug Phillips' playbook. Prior to 2000 or so, I did not note that type of aberrancy in RC, Jr.'s work, but then, I was not reading the homeschooling content closely at all and saw what I wanted to see. I ask the same question about RC that I have about many theonomists and the patriocentrists: “Were they proclaiming this same message of works all along, were they this far off the mark, or was I just oblivious to it prior to circa 1998 - 2001 (when I first noticed these leaders becoming increasingly aberrant)?” The answer seems to be that these matters were a unique mix of all of these factors, partly owing to my own ignorance or avoidance, but partly due to a change among these men after Rushdoony’s journey to his eternal reward.

Live, learn and get wise.

One thing that I did appreciate at a few points in the book and something I’ve loved in RC, Jr’s writings has been his appreciation for embracing the Cross and embracing one’s own cross with joy and peace. I did rejoice to read this quote: “They need to know that the Jesus they serve is already sovereign, so that if bad guys come, it is only because the one Good Guy ordained it for our good and for his glory” (pg 104). He always had a good grasp of this concept, I thought, and he has a very poetic way of communicating this concept in a way that has always been edifying for me. It never had the “submit, suffer, and die if you have to” quality that the Shepherding and Submission Doctrines do in a way that produces shame.

But I was terribly disappointed to read what I would call standard Vision Forum fare throughout the rest of the book. It has the RC, Jr. rambling quality which my husband thinks is a part of his charm. I only wish that the content were more charming. RC builds strawman after strawman to perpetuate the idea of separatism and elitism throughout the book, poorly characterizing anyone who falls outside of his increasingly narrowing group of acceptable Christians. I’m also very disappointed in his fear mongering, and I wonder if that was also something always present in his writings that I failed to notice because I either identified with it too much or because I didn’t want to recognize it. He has a penchant for drama, dread and controversy. He says that “homeschoolers lack a fitting dread that they might be conformed to this world" (pg 100). Why dread something over which we should have dominion? I’m to hate the world and fear God. Voddie Baucham did say something that made my heart sing in a sermon on multigenerational faithfulness that counters this idea of RC’s . Voddie said that he wants the kind of kids that, when his kids get awake in the morning, it makes the devil tremble because they are such effective Christians. That’s real dominion and a point where I agree with Baucham. I think that the whole point of homeschooling is living so that we should have no need to have any dread of the world at all, because it is the world that should dread the Living God in us. (Maybe RC and Voddie can have chat about that issue sometime?)

But what I found most disturbing about this book was a vignette of a family of eight that RC discusses who has a nine year old daughter that cannot read. When I first learned of homeschooling in the late 70s, I thought it was amazing how much better the academic training a child could receive from a mother with a vested interest in the outcome. And I have had friends who struggled with children with learning disabilities. I have helped these friends work with their children, and I’ve worked with kids in the Christian school where I volunteered, helping with these very issues. So I am not terribly stressed about a 9 year old that cannot read. These families I know worked and sought out every resource, screening their kids for problems and trying different alternatives such as trying private school for a year, considering that their child might do better with a different teacher in a different setting. Vision problems and physical problems were ruled out as a deterrent factor. And I don’t know that this was not the case with the family that RC describes in his book, but he certainly made no effort to point out what the family did one way or the other. That could be an oversight (that RC did not make a point to explain that the family had worked hard and done all they could do to rule out an organic problem which explains why their nine year old can't read), but one that I find a bit disturbing, setting a standard that this is acceptable (that a 9 year old homeschooled girl can't read). But this I find even more troubling:

From Pages 110 - 112:

The mother made a confession to me. She told me, “You know, my nine-year-old daughter doesn’t know how to read.” Now here is a good test to see how much baggage you are carrying around. Does that make you uncomfortable? Are you thinking, “Mercy, what would the school superintendent say if he knew?” My response was a cautious, “Really?” But my friend went on to explain, “She doesn’t know how to read, but every morning she gets up and gets ready for the day. Then takes care of her three youngest siblings. She takes them to the potty, she cleans and dresses them, makes their breakfasts, brushes their teeth, clears their dishes, and makes their beds.” Now I saw her rightly, as an overachiever. If she didn’t know how to read, but did know all the Looney Tunes characters, that would be a problem. But here is a young girl being trained to be a keeper at home. Do I want her to read? Of course I do, as does her mother. I want her to read to equip her to learn the Three Gs. [From earlier in the book, he notes the "Three Gs": Who is God? What has God done? What does God require?] But this little girl was learning what God requires, to be a help in the family business, with a focus on tending the garden.

I’m not suggesting that the goal is to have ignorant daughters. I am, however, arguing that we are to train them to be keepers at home. These two are not equivalent. Though we aren’t given many details we know that both Priscilla and Aquila had a part in the education of Apollos. I’m impressed with Priscilla, as I am with my own wife. She is rather theologically astute... My point is that that brilliance isn’t what validates her as a person. It’s a good thing, a glorious thing, and an appropriate thing. But it’s like the general principle we’ve already covered. Would I rather be married to a godly woman who was comparatively ignorant, or a wicked person who was terribly bright? Who would make a better wife and mother, someone who doesn’t know infra- from supralapsarianism, but does know which side is up on a diaper, or a woman about to defend her dissertation on the eschatology of John Gill at Cambridge but one who thinks children are unpleasant? It’s no contest, is it? Naturally we want everything. We want all the virtues to the highest degree. But virtues come in different shades and colors in different circumstances.

I don’t understand why the patriocentrists work so hard at making reading and caring for a home and children a life long and an either-or dichotomy. RC tells us that it doesn’t matter if your kid can read, so long as they meet the requirements of a good wife and mother. It isn't called home-keeping-schooling. It's called homeschooling. Sproul and his soulmates suggest over and over that if a young woman knows the meaning of fifty cent words that she may not have enough room in her brain to adequately put a diaper on a baby or will be unable to be a proficient and loving mother to her children. And God forbid that she not be able to make a pie! What makes academic excellence and being proficient at keeping the home mutually exclusive? This I don’t understand.

The laws of our land require that children receive adequate basic schooling, and when the Christian school and homeschooling movements came about, it was a concerted goal as a Christian virtue to show the world that we could do what they could do – and do it better. And I don't think it's any kind of good Christian witness at all to say "Well, they wouldn't get any better of an education in public school, and I want my children to have good character." But this is not an excuse for a permissive attitude when our kids can't read, and certainly not when it is written about in a book that sets a standard for a "covenantal vision." As Christians, we used to seek to set a higher standard of academic excellence, because that’s what I thought taking dominion was all about. That’s what I heard John Holt and Raymond and Dorothy Moore speak about, and I even heard it from Kevin Leman. But I find less and less of this spirit of dominion in homeschooling with the advent of the "movement homeschooling gender sacraments." And I suppose it’s a great blessing that Rushdoony and the Moores are no longer with us, because I believe they would be (more) heartsick. (Addendum note: HERE is the blog post wherein RC calls himself a "Movement Homeschooler," and thatmom Karen Campbell's response can be found HERE.)

So concludes my review of multigenerational faithfulness, and I just felt that I would be remiss if I did not bring attention to this disturbing passage and growing trend among far too many groups of homeschoolers. This is the kind of example that threatens to ruin homeschooling for everyone.
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ADDENDUM NOTE 13Feb09, 1 PM:

"Charis" offered this additional perspective in response to this quote from RC Sproul, Jr.s book, and I wanted to include it here as well.

From "Emotional Incest" on the blog entitled "A Wife's Submission":

This little 9 year old child was having the weight of the household put upon her shoulders. She’s a child. How is this any different than what alcoholic parents do to their children? shifting way too much adult responsibility onto their children and robbing them of their childhood? Its emotional incest.

The most disturbing thing to me about the quote is the apparent blindness to the “problem in paradise”. This situation is PRAISED rather than recognized as a serious chronic boundary violation against this little girl.

Read the entire post HERE.


This is precisely one of my greatest concerns about the Vision Forum paradigm and the Shepherding/Discipleship/Submission Doctrines that prompted me to create the blog entitled "Overcoming Botkin Syndrome." I believe that these folks have just slapped a snappy, new title on serious family dysfunction that harms children and bitterly breaks hearts, making something very evil out to be God's ideal and "Biblical."
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First Time Obedience and Unquestioned Submission as an Essential Component of Multigenerational Faithfulness Part IV: Theological Concerns

Examining a few of the theological concerns of First Time Obedience and unquestioned submission, a necessary and essential component of multigenerational faithfulness.




From Pages 110 - 111 of Voddie Baucham’s “Family Driven Faith”:

An even tougher lesson to learn is the principle of first-time obedience... [Baucham offers an example of counting to three for compliance, suspending punishment until the counting concludes at three as inappropriate permissiveness.]

This is a difficult principle to understand because we overlook the punishment our sins deserve and ultimately received in the cross of Christ (or will receive during an eternity separated from God in hell). However, whether God smites us immediately as He did Ananias and Sapphira (Acts 5) or appears to let it slide, we can rest assured that every sin receives just recompense (Romans 3:21-26). Thus, in the economy of God every act of disobedience is ultimately punished whether we see it immediately or not. That is why it is important to teach our children that every instruction is to be obeyed right away. As they get older, they may be allowed to enter into discussion about our instructions, but that discussion should follow an act of obedience, not determine whether or not they are convinced of our position...

We do not want our children to do what we say with conditions attached. We want them to obey, period. Learning not to repeat ourselves, not to yell, not to call the offending child by all three of his or her names, but to speak in clear, level tones and follow through... No, our children are not perfect, but they understand what obedience is and fully expect a consequence if they fall short of doing what they are told when they are told to do it.

Dr. Baucham goes to some length to tell us that God does not necessarily punish us right away for all sins, pointing out that the Absolute and Perfect Judge of the universe sometimes finds what we can only assume to be perfect reasoning for delaying punishment. Might that be for training us in discernment and adding to our knowledge, wisdom? Might He delay punishment in order to teach us of His faithfulness regardless of our performance so that we might know on a personal level that when we are forgiven much, we love much?

Maybe the chief purpose and end of living is much greater than mindless or coerced obedience, with love and trust as the focus from which joyful obedience flows without any concerns about fear of failure. Maybe the chief purpose and end of living is not even perfection. There’s an old cliche about life being about the journey and not necessarily about the destination. Though I think Baucham would agree that building and developing of our character serves as a paramount destination in life, for a great deal of our living and the circumstances of our lives focus not so much in accomplishment but in God’s using of those circumstances to change us. And sometimes this process reveals to us that our measures of accomplishment don’t ever match God’s measures and purposes at all. Is the grand measure of our success as parents weighed by obedience alone? One might raise creation’s most obedient child, yet they may be grossly lacking in character, ability, tenacity, confidence, etc... We may have a raised a perpetual child and not a man or woman. Yet so much patriocentric stock is placed in the obedience of the submission doctrines because of the overt focus on themes of authority, and children are oft raised to be little more than grown and undiscerning children.

I also do not understand this aspect of Baucham’s statement. He rightly explains that God very often chooses to withhold immediate consequences and the ramifications of our actions from us. And though Baucham does not point this out, we know that along with the negative, God also withholds some of the rewards and benefits of our successes. Baucham establishes that God’s world does not operate as an instant, “add water and stir” kind of world for anyone. Yet due to some logical leap that I do not understand and for reasons that he does not detail, Baucham uses God’s example of delaying consequences to declare that we should not conform to our Heavenly Father’s example. We should seek to be unlike Him in this respect. I don’t understand his reasoning or lack thereof. Should we not as parents seek to be like our perfect heavenly Father? The only reason that I can identify that Baucham offers in support of his preference for First Time Obedience (FTO) is his own personal preference. The examples that he draws from Scripture and the arguments that he presents in support of his premise actually speak against FTO. Unlike the perfect King of the Universe, Baucham expects the fallible parent to demand and obtain immediate obedience, at the risk of immediate punishment.

I find this whole passage as illogical as it can be and a completely unsupported argument, like some kind of emperor’s new clothes. I can imagine that Baucham would argue his complete departure from logic as my missing his point. But to be honest and clear, his justification demonstrates some huge flaws and holes that a couple of my friends would say could accommodate a dump truck. There is no argument about how we need to count the cost so as to not tread carelessly upon the Precious Blood of Jesus in our worldliness and flesh. There is no stressing of us to be holy because Jesus called us to be holy like Him. There is no sermon of how God surrendered to us His very best, even to the point of delivering His own Son up unto death, even the death of the Cross, so we should be ever more cognizant of the Price paid for us. Our living should then reflect our reverence and we should live with the ever present honor for exactly what Christ did for us by laying down His own life in our stead. That is markedly absent from Baucham’s directive. The only argument offered states that because God is gracious, holy and tolerant, we should be perfectionists with very low tolerance for failure, demanding of our children what God does not even demand of us. We should require even higher demands than God requires of us, and it is true because Baucham says so.


His argument makes no logical sense, but it certainly reveals his personal preferences and those things about himself which he apparently disdains: imperfection. And he unknowingly gives us a window into the source of his own, unresolved shame through the heavy degree of personal, emotional and inappropriate projection of his own issues onto every Christian. This is not a Gospel message but one of works-based salvation, completely missing the whole point of unmerited favor offered to us precisely BECAUSE we cannot attain perfection. Through his own projection, he demonstrates the primary faults in patriocentricity: gross lack of grace, brittle intolerance for personal failure due to rigid legalistic standards of performance (a works-based salvation), miserable perfectionism as a measure of piety, and the self-centeredness of the system for those who find themselves in the privileged position at the top of the hierarchy.

Molly Aley points this out in her blog entry concerning FTO, and I encourage you to read her entry on the subject. She also comes to many of these same conclusions about the discrepancies that I find in this section of Baucham’s book:

God did not require physical punishment before receiving their repentance. Instead, he pleaded with them to change their ways so as to avoid the consequences that He did not want them to experience. He did not demand first-time obedience. In fact, when Yahweh pleaded with Israel above to reform, they were already pretty far gone (see Isaiah 1:2-4, 21-23 for a few details).

So even under the pale of the demanding performance-oriented Old Covenant Law, God still did not always parent the way the first-time-obedience-or-get-spanked teachers say is God’s way. It is wise to seek ways to teach our children to follow God’s good paths. But in so doing, it’s not wise to make authoritative statements about how God wants us to do that, when God Himself did not do it that way with His own children.

I addressed some of this in the previous post concerning Dr. Baucham’s statement about shyness and fear in a two year old, describing in audio sermons how he will stand and wait until parents compel their children to greet him in a manner he deems appropriate. He does not make the case in his book, but he does so in several audio offerings on child discipline and multigenerational faithfulness available online. I find this behavior to be an inappropriate expectation to set for most small children of 2 years of age. In fact, I know many adults that would be quite intimidated to greet Dr. Baucham in such a manner.

In summary, I would like to reiterate that in a previous blog post discussing “Family Driven Faith,” I noted the very narrow scope of Dr. Baucham’s standard of tolerance. I find his style far too authoritarian and too manipulative to be appropriate for that of a pastor. In reviewing these passages of Baucham’s book again with my husband and with several mothers who I respect and trust, they all commented on the brazen assurance with which he speaks, offering no grace or respect for any perspective that differs from his own. This is particularly notable to me in the last paragraph in the above quote wherein Baucham seems to me to reflect his own personal shortcomings and struggles with anger and intolerance, wrongly projecting them as universal problems of parenting. Everyone I spoke with found this quite offensive. Baucham defines his opinions as THE Biblical models, the most notable example being how his Family Integrated Church model serves as the “most Biblical” model, a thinly veiled condemnation of those who do not share his preferences and convictions. But this is quite typical of how those in patriocentricity relate to all those outside of their system, a practice of idolatry where the father within the home serves as the center of all activity. This is a practice of the pagan Roman paterfamilias and not a depiction of the Gospel.

From "Putting Voddie Baucham's Family Driven Faith Into Perspective":

Because the authoritative approach and the numerous fallacies Baucham uses to support his views frustrate me, they impeded my progress through the material...

I recognize this and see Baucham playing out this dilemma and its consequences in his book, sometimes projecting his perspective onto others using a misleading and authoritative approach...

Voddie Baucham, like Doug Phillips, has a great deal to offer the church, but his personal and extra-biblical preferences work like potent poison in practice for a great many people who found the full scope of these teachings to be devastating. Baucham’s book misleads, and though it contains many good elements, it uses bad logic and manipulation to force mere opinions and preferences as indisputable facts with either absent or unsatisfying “proven evidence.”

If groups like Gothard require such a high level of submission and the rejection of reasonable, rational credulity as a “leap of faith” as a demonstration of one’s virtue and as a means of accumulating grace as some meritorious benefit that one earns and accumulates for spiritual potency, is it all that unreasonable to understand multigenerational faithfulness any differently when addressing obedience in children? This gnostic view of higher living through works-based performance can only be paternalistic, and it necessitates authoritarian control across the lifespan. How could we expect otherwise from a group of people who believe that it is necessary not only to teach one’s children how to plan strategically with wisdom but to extend that into some type of ordering the events of life of one’s grown children through a 200 year plan? So much depends upon the appeal of the largely nebulous phrase of “multigenerational faithfulness,” because what it actually represents is a collectivistic system that systematically robs the soul of transcendence in Christ. It is a semi-Pelagian working of one’s way back to Adam through the catalyst of Jesus Christ by merely looking obedient based upon external and temporal factors. The system and those in it measure one’s heart by outward performance and appearance which can easily be feigned for the gaining of status, displacing the power of the Word and the Holy Spirit in the life of the believer with works-based performance. Followers learn to chase the outward signs of holiness through a system of positive and negative reinforcement, and true holiness through the grace of Christ Jesus stands condemned as antinomianism.

The promoters of this doctrine of multigenerational faithfulness (who borrowed the term from someone else) hope that you will pay no attention to the men behind the curtain marked as “Biblical” so as to not pull it back to find the mechanistic workings of an authoritarian system. It is yet just another of man’s attempts to pull himself up by his bootstraps through yet another a works-based religion that claims “all things Biblical” as a disclaimer. Even the name of and reference to Jesus Christ often proves to be notably absent.
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First Time Obedience and Multigenerational Faithfulness Part III: Poor Development of Analytical Thought and Problem-Solving Skills

Continuing the discussion of problems inherent in unquestioned obedience and "First Time Obedience" as a component of multigenerational faithfulness. Please refer to previous blog posts on the topic if you've not already read them.

From Page 110 - 111 of Voddie Baucham’s “Family Driven Faith”:

An even tougher lesson to learn is the principle of first-time obedience... [Baucham offers an example of counting to three for compliance, suspending punishment until the counting concludes at three as inappropriate permissiveness.]

This is a difficult principle to understand because we overlook the punishment our sins deserve and ultimately received in the cross of Christ (or will receive during an eternity separated from God in hell). However, whether God smites us immediately as He did Ananias and Sapphira (Acts 5) or appears to let it slide, we can rest assured that every sin receives just recompense (Romans 3:21-26). Thus, in the economy of God every act of disobedience is ultimately punished whether we see it immediately or not. That is why it is important to teach our children that every instruction is to be obeyed right away. As they get older, they may be allowed to enter into discussion about our instructions, but that discussion should follow an act of obedience, not determine whether or not they are convinced of our position...

We do not want our children to do what we say with conditions attached. We want them to obey, period. Learning not to repeat ourselves, not to yell, not to call the offending child by all three of his or her names, but to speak in clear, level tones and follow through... No, our children are not perfect, but they understand what obedience is and fully expect a consequence if they fall short of doing what they are told when they are told to do it.

Critical thinking describes the ability to think and make good choices with maturity and purpose. It requires anticipating outcomes based upon the information that is automatically absorbed or sought out from one's environment, coordinating that information with experience, wrote knowledge, and one’s own emotions. Critical thinking (analytical problem-solving) exceeds merely knowing information, the ability to perform certain tasks or regurgitating information. It culminates in the demonstration of wisdom that draws on the whole host of these factors to produce sound and reliable judgement.

I believe very strongly that when people are placed in environments that are highly authoritarian and they are not afforded any opportunity for trial and error because of high demands of perfection, the development of critical thinking suffers profoundly. One in such an environment must always be dependent on another to tell them what to do and how to do things. God created us as creatures who are quite capable of mimicking and repeating things, but this is not the pinnacle of what He desires from us. The Word tells us that the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, that which we should pursue and desire. The mouth of the righteous speaks wisdom, and we are to walk in wisdom of the Word, therefore we should be expected to know it. We are to be transformed by the renewing of our minds with the wisdom of the Word, being ever more transformed into the image of Jesus, the Mind of the Ages. We are instructed to have the mind of Christ. So the idea of being dependent upon another stands in stark contrast to the message of the “just do what you are told and do not ask any questions” mentality that is required of both children and of adults who find themselves on lower hierarchical levels as required by the concept of proper submission under multigenerational faithfulness.

Critical thinking is quite interesting. If you ever “got wise” about something , the expression usually references some process of failure. Critical thinking cannot be learned through observation only but must be practiced personally, just as watching a champion figure skater does not make one proficient at skating. Building the mind's muscle of wisdom comes about through exercise, not through observation. One must be engaged in critical thought to develop the skill of problem–solving. Skills do not improve without practice, and we all know that “practice makes perfect.” This is very true of critical thinking, as one must be engaged and deliberate about pursuing wisdom. It is not something easily found on one simple search like picking up a gallon of milk at the market. Practice to make perfect implies learning as a result of failures that build into a body of experience, a commodity that cannot be feigned or obtained in any other manner save by what many call “the school of hard knocks.” Perfection comes at a price, paid in hard knocks and “getting wise” through trial “by error” and, sometimes, “by fire.” All these terms suggest struggle and testing, bereft with suggestion of outcomes that are not sure to be positive.

Barbara at Mommy Life had this to say in her post entitled “Critical Thinking - Teaching Your Kids to Think for Themselves”:

During my homeschooling years, I found teaching critical thinking skills to be of utmost importance so that my kids could learn to question prevailing wisdom and think for themselves. I have no fear that thinking for themselves would cause them to leave their faith - and it's okay with me if they question it. What good is their faith if it's just my brainwashing? They must be able to take in other points of view and come to their own conclusions. If their faith is strong, it will survive.

Sage advice indeed.
In my professional training and especially teaching critical thinking and problem-solving to nurses in the clinical setting, some considerations are far more important than others. Some basic skills which seem insignificant in isolation can be critical because they become foundational to other learning and become components of other, more advanced skills. These skills build upon others, with building being the operative concept. And other aspects of care prove essential and absolutely critical because error can immediately put the life of a patient in jeopardy. Certain practices and all standards of care are non-negotiable, but other practices can be matters of preference when they increase efficiency of the nurse and do not affect outcomes of the patient. Some of the little things don't really matter, so long as care is safe and proficient. Happy employees perform better, and their patients have faster healing and better outcomes when the nurses who care for them do not operate under chronic stress and frustration, too. The real skill that the good instructor and preceptor imparts is not necessarily the review of basic skills or even by demonstrating correct technique but a demonstration of what rules to drop low on the list of priorities in favor of others that are more critical. Sometimes following the obvious cut and dry standards can result in a bad outcome for your patient. Critical care nursing is anything but a black and white world.

Also, when demands run high (as they always do in healthcare), and when resources become limited, one must sacrifice perfection. The system forces you to prioritize, because clinical situations are volatile and unpredictable. I was taught how to make a bed so that the seams never rub against a patient’s skin which can actually lead to a bedsore in a debilitated client. A bedsore, particularly an infected one, can cost hundreds of thousands of dollars, not to mention the harm to a patient, so this is not anything to ignore. I was also taught how to remove sheets from a bed with minimal agitation of the air so as to limit distribution of germs through the air. In an age of “superbugs” like MRSA, this is no trivial concern, either. However, when you have three patients, one is arresting, one has symptoms of decompensation and needs your attention, your highest priority cannot and definitely should not be the third patient's bed linen.

Mastery of proper priority setting does not come “first time,” even though the “stakes are high” in healthcare, often resulting in dramatic life or death consequences. But mastery comes only with experience and through actually working through complex clinical situations, and that takes time. To qualify as a good critical care nurse, that nurse really needs a bare minimum of at least 2 years of full-time experience in a challenging setting, and most hospitals require that nurses have a full year of experience in a non-critical setting before they will train them in critical care. You do not want an automaton nurse who cannot prioritize, knowing what important consideration to temporarily abandon in order to avert or attend to a more serious and volatile crisis. You need a nurse that can "seemingly disobey” one directive or delay following that directive when another more serious consideration threatens life and limb.

I could also offer many examples where delaying orders or failing to follow orders as written could have resulted in more harm to a patient, another consideration that give me cause to protest the "do it and do it now" mentality. Sometimes this can be the worst advice. Sometimes waiting on test results before following through on a medical order can result in avoiding harm or providing benefit to a patient (like holding a dose of Gentamycin for an hour or two, an antibiotic toxic to the kidneys to wait to check on kidney function results when this is a matter of concern). But I also have freedom to do things like this in a clinical setting, often because I've established a relationship of trust with the physicians who rely on my problem-solving to help them achieve the best outcome for the patient. This also makes me think of a scene in one of my favorite films, "It's a Wonderful Life." Young George Bailey notes that old Mr. Gower the druggist has accidentally put poison in capsules that he has been asked to deliver to a family of sick children. He delays delivery of the capsules, attempting to get some advice from his father first who he cannot get to talk with to help him with advice. George ends up returning to the drug store, but by then, he has the confidence to bring the error to old Mr. Gower's attention. George's delay saved a family full of children from accidental poisoning and we learn later in the film that it also saves Mr. Gower's career. Critical thinking thrives in an atmosphere of trust.

Both of these examples of critical thought within a relationship of trust bring attention to another important component of First Time Obedience (FTO): a pervasive assumption of pessimism and anticipation of failure. When there is no atmosphere of trust in those with whom you interact, or when there is no trust or confidence in your children, that outlook may very well necessitate an authoritarian approach. You do not trust the judgement of a "tool" that you use to fulfill a perfunctory purpose, and patriocentricity does objectify women and children who are viewed as tools who serve the patriarch's vision. If a husband lacks respect for his wife and does not view her as capable of making sound decisions and exercising sound judgement, can he really tolerate disobedience from her? For the sake of the family, if he has no trust in her, he will feel compelled to issue orders to be followed without question. Autonomy without trust would be highly inappropriate. There will also be no opportunity for the building of trust there if the wife is given no opportunity to demonstrate worthiness of that trust. The same is true of children.

A well-trained child with the ability to think analytically will not require a parent to micro-manage them, and a relationship that grows in trust will not even assume the need for FTO. The distinction here is quite subtle. FTO assumes and anticipates a focus and an expectation of failure, seeming to say “They better get this right,” implying that they will likely get it wrong. It comes from a place of pessimism, a place of viewing others as “one rung down on the ladder” in ability. Quite often, people will live up to your expectations of them, and this approach destroys trust and confidence on a deeper level. But when there is a high view of respect and trust of someone, seeking to encourage them and coaching them from a presumption of their success and an overarching confidence in their ability to grow and prosper, there is no need for FTO. There is no failure presumed beforehand. Failures become a part of learning and are handled with loving grace. That does not mean to imply that failures are desirable outcomes, but that kid who meets with FTO realized that expectations of them are low enough that they must be reminded of consequences if not threatened with them. For some kids that may be necessary, but for many, this fosters fear. Kids pick up on that, particularly the younger ones. How can a kid learn to problem-solve if there is no opportunity to solve anything themselves and if all the outcomes as well as the processes have been predetermined?

I also found another interesting quote about critical thinking and fostering this in children, though it is from a source that is secular. I think it’s well worth considering.

From “Critical Thinking in Children: Are we teaching our kids to be dumb?” by Gwen Dewar, Ph.D.:

What can we do?

I don’t know of any specific research on the subject. So what follows is just my best guess...

If we spot errors, we need to discuss them with our kids. We need to teach our kids that books and other media—even adult authorities—can make mistakes.

And most of all, our kids need positive reinforcement for thinking critically, for being logical, and for offering unconventional solutions to problems. Before we correct a child’s wrong answer, we should reflect on whether or not it really is wrong.

But as we can infer from this advice, the adult who hopes to foster critical thinking must have a degree of trust in the child, but they must also be willing to demonstrate a certain degree of transparency and some willingness to admit fault to the child. And I don't know that the patriocentrists find that to be acceptable behavior. The grid of hierarchy does not readily allow for such transparency.
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PART II Addendum: Spiritualizing All Activities, First Time Obedience, Multigenerational Faithfulness and Unquestioned Obedience

I am a little amused this week, as I did not even intend to post anything about First Time Obedience in reference to multigenerational faithfulness, the code word for conformity within patriocentricity. Then, a few people asked me questions about Voddie Baucham’s online audio teachings about this issue of expectations from small children, all along the lines of “the breaking” of children through discipline. When I went to listen to a new audio of Baucham that I hadn’t yet heard, I noted that the message in this discipline oriented presentation differed little in content from his multigenerational faithfulness messages, and all of these issues were also addressed in his book. And I intended to pull out and comment on sections that I had already marked in his book when I read it about two months ago or so. I figured one blog post would take care of this aspect of multigenerational faithfulness...

How can men make 200 year plans, when I cannot manage to plan a blog post and make it work out as I intend? ;-)

And though I have worked through so much of these emotions and made peace with these aspects of my past, I am still amazed at how deeply this material still pierces into my own personal experiences. In yesterday’s blog post, I noted many families that I observed and those I know well who treated personality traits in their children as faults of sin. One particular young lady who I once carted around on my hip in whose personality I delight represents only one of many of these homeschooled kids. My friend, a mother of 7, says that I get to claim 2 of her children as my own if anyone asks, and I proudly claim this one daughter who I dearly love, lip ring and all. And there is good reason for this – that being that I am also one of those whose bore certain character traits that were treated as sin and error. My dear friend's daughter is much like me (sans lip ring).

I shrink back from certain topics sometimes because I do not want my efforts to communicate information about spiritual abuse to be all about my own experience. That tendency can be a particular problem for only children like me, as we “only-s” (sp?) tend to see the world from only our limited perspective sometimes, just as a consequence of our own development. Things are more personal, intense and we CAN TEND to assume that our own perspective is more universal than it actually is. One consequence of that can be that we project what we feel and know on others, assuming that our own perspective can be the only perspective or the most valuable. So I guard against this projection, as I do not want efforts of educating others about spiritual abuse to become some kind of use of others, a type of exploitation. I don’t want people to become pawns in my own quest to find healing. But at this point, I think it is important to note my own experience, as it relates well to this topic, and I know of no better way to communicate it here.

I did not grow up in a patriocentric home. I was raised by parents who were products of the 1950s, and like the religious groups like Gothard and Vision Forum and the “Passionate Housewives,” there is a common denominator or “moral standard” there. There was a great deal of push to make my life fit that kind of mold as I grew up, coming of age in the early ‘80s. I would not say that my parents would be thrilled if I became Donna Reed, but I believe they desired my life to conform to the ideal standard of the fantasy that they held for themselves, circa 1958. They want me to look like them and be like them and love the same things that they do, and I can’t really fault them much for that at all. I wish I could have made this entirely true, as it would have made life so much easier for all of us. Unfortunately, after spending a great deal of my life pursuing that end, I have been painfully unsuccessful, but not for lack of desperately trying.

Without delving into a great amount of detail, we had some unfortunate experiences that put that ideal fantasy of what life should be like for me well out of reach. And what I find most significant is that I have a very uncommon temperament. Every personality test (like the Meyers-Briggs and Tim La Haye’s writings), spiritual gifting test (like were popular in the ‘80s and one like Willow Creek offered once) and vocational test (Strongs and Campbell) that I have taken put me in anywhere from 2% to 5% of the population. Every single one of these tests lists me as very uncommon. As a comparison, looking at vocational job-satisfaction scores, everyone in my family including my husband falls into a category that accounts for 40% of the population. And my childhood development really brought these obvious traits to bear for my parents. I presented with unique concerns that most other parents did not have with their children. And though my personal history is far more complicated, for our purposes, lets just say that unlike most kids who are like a peg that fits into 40% of the holes that a parent tries to nest them in (be that activities or social situations), I am like a square peg that will slide easily into only about 2 holes out of every 100.



Perhaps one of the most painful difficulties I’ve struggled with has been my penchant for speaking the truth. My parents taught me to be truthful, honest and wholehearted above all things, yet it is their natural tendency to be phlegmatic and to "not make waves." But this is their identity and how their personality manifests devotion to truth, not my own. So when I acted faithfully to the values that they gave me, how I manifest that tends to be their worst nightmare, a matter of their preference which they perceive as error on my behalf. Their tendency is to silently support the truth through actions that are not notable. My tendency in the service of the truth involves speaking that truth, defending that truth and advocating for those who have no voice. And rather than spending my energy while developing into an adult by “playing to my strengths,” all attention was spent punishing many of those strengths to eliminate them while requiring me to perform with perfection in those areas where my natural and inherent abilities were quite weak. My parents loved me and did much good, and they never intended to do harm. Yet some harm was done, mostly, I believe, out of ignorance and some of their own issues of shame that God had not yet healed in their own hearts.

Where does that leave me today? Well, at this stage in my life, I believe that God knew and chose with all perfection just whose womb to put me in and just the perfect parents to whom to entrust me. And all of the experiences that I have had, painful as they were, have been to serve His purpose in my life and for the benefit and blessing of others. Maybe it is just for such a time as this, that I can say that I know well what it is like to have demands placed upon me that I could not meet in any way, save to go through the motions in order to meet my parents expectations to avoid punishment and rejection of my true self. Maybe all of this was for such a time as this moment so that I could plead with parents to stop to consider that perhaps a character trait that you see in your child that troubles you might very well be God’s instrument of righteousness in your child’s life to be used and wielded as His weapon of righteousness, far above and beyond anything that you’ve ever imagined.

With the imagery of children as arrows in the hand of the Lord, consider that they are in His hand and not in your hand. The Lord of Hosts aims and shoots those arrows, perhaps at targets that you would protest or perhaps ones that may even bring you great shame in your own flesh. But He is their maker and He is the archer that sends your children to the place and calling that He intends for them. Though children are arrows in the hand of the Lord and He blesses the man whose quiver is indeed full, what is the chief purpose of an arrow? Is it to remain in the quiver only? Is it only an ornament for the man who bears the quiver on his back? Or is the chief purpose and end of an arrow to be at the ready in the quiver for only a time? And should that arrow not be designed well, not to accommodate the convenience of the quiver but to be fit as a most effective weapon, designed to accomplish His intended purpose with expert precision as its Sovereign Designer intended? And it so breaks my heart to realize that I had to leave my parents’ quiver in order to find the warriors who found me to be a most desirable and celebrated instrument, uniquely designed for uncommon targets to do good service in the hand of the Lord. My husband is chief among them who celebrates me as his wife, and I am grateful to him and those like him who celebrated the very things so many others despised.

My parents wanted to give God the best and to do the best job by preparing me, though they didn’t have all of the resources that they needed to avoid some of these pains, spending much energy trying to conform me into what they expected and what they preferred. That was all part of God’s sovereign plan to put me here in this moment to declare this message. I hope that for those who have an uncommon arrow and for the uncommon arrows themselves, that they would learn from my experience. Think about whether the quiver was made for the arrow or the arrow for the quiver or for the intended target. And consider celebrating your uncommon arrows as God’s precious, albeit frustrating, gifts to you. Man was not made for the Sabbath, but the Sabbath was made for man’s benefit. Systems to help you become a more effective parent should serve the goal of preparing your children to be dynamic, power-house Christians on fire for Jesus, hopefully above and beyond anything you could ask or think.

Consider that rather than desiring one day to look back to say “This child did precisely as I intended and I did well” that you might be better to say “Look what the Lord has done with this child. He has done exceedingly abundantly above all I could have ever asked or thought for His glory in a way that I never dreamed.”

In closing this post, I would also like to state that as a consequence of trying to conform to my parents standards and eventually abandoning what was a fantasy of idolatry for me, I did suffer something I deeply regret. I learned to be easily brainwashed by anyone who was like my parents or by anyone who occupied a position that seemed parental to me. I learned to sell out my mind for the greater good to any authority that I trusted, and particularly any authority that reminded me of my parents. If I could identify the worst and most terrible consequences of my all the experiences of my life related to what I learned by trying to conform by basically denying and even attempting to destroy who God created me to be, it would be this core of idolatrous self-hatred for identifying my identity in Christ as sinful.

Learning this process and wrongfully defining it as obedience to my parents has predisposed me to errors in judgement that have resulted in being molested and raped as a child (by one whom I identified as a trusted authority figure to whom I should submit) against whom I had no recourse. As an adult, it predisposed me to submitting myself to the unjust spiritual abusers and religious authorities in a very damaging, cultic Evangelical church that preached the Gospel and laid hands on the sick and operated in the gifts of the Spirit that I believed qualified them as trustworthy. For this reason, I believe that the costs of unquestioned submission and ideals like “First Time Obedience” do far more damage than good. It is convenient for parents who believe that they are acting in the best interest of their children, but I believe that trusting and naive young girls and women very much like me have reaped terrible consequences of this type of unqualified and demanded obedience.

Please consider this following technique of self-deprecation used as a tried, tested and true technique of thought reform. I believe that just as adults who are subjected to spiritual abuse suffer these consequences, I believe that these are very similar dynamics that I learned in my own home because I did not fit the expected norm. And I believe that this made the process of religious conversion in a Bible-based cult all the easier and more familiar for me, almost seeming to offer a solution to my primary problem: my perpetual failure to earn my parents acceptance. If I have lusted after anything in my life, surely nothing has compared to the idolatrous lust I’ve followed in seeking after my parents’ approval. And the quest to satisfy that lust has hurt me far more than any other factor in my life. My parents never intended this to be so, but they didn't understand that they were fostering idolatry in my heart. Surely they never would have done so if they had known. None of us knew.

Son of David, have mercy on me for having served them, my own lust for their acceptance and the wounds of my own heart. All I ever really desired was You and wholeness in You through your Atoning Blood. And I didn’t know any better. Please spare Your people this same pain. My heart is ever contrite before You, my Creator. Ever let Your strength be made perfect in my – Oh so many – weaknesses. Search me, know me, see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.


From Biderman’s Chart of Coercion on the reFocus website:

Devaluing the Individual

• Creates fear of freedom
• Creates dependence upon captors
• Creates feelings of helplessness
• Develops lack of faith in individual capabilities
  

Abusive leaders are frequently uncannily able to pick out traits church members are proud of and to use those very traits against the members. Those with natural gifts in the areas of music may be told they are proud or puffed up or "anxious to be up front" if they want to use their talents and denied that opportunity. Those with discernment are called judgmental or critical, the merciful are lacking in holiness or good judgment, the peacemakers are reminded the Lord came to bring a sword, not peace. Sometimes efforts are made to convince members that they really are not gifted teachers or musically talented or prophetically inclined as they believed they were. When members begin to doubt the one or two special gifts they possess which they have always been sure were God-given, they begin to doubt everything else they have ever believed about themselves, to feel dependent upon church leaders and afraid to leave the group. ("If I've been wrong about even *that*, how can I ever trust myself to make right decisions ever again?").

Warning Signs:

Unwillingness to allow members to use their gifts. Establishing rigid boot camp-like requirements for the sake of proving commitment to the group before gifts may be exercised. Repeatedly criticizing natural giftedness by reminding members they must die to their natural gifts, that Paul, after all, said, "When I'm weak, I'm strong," and that they should expect God to use them in areas other than their areas of giftedness. Emphasizing helps or service to the group as a prerequisite to church ministry. This might take the form of requiring that anyone wanting to serve in any way first have the responsibility of cleaning toilets or cleaning the church for a specified time, that anyone wanting to sing in the worship band must first sing to the children in Sunday School, or that before exercising any gifts at all, members must demonstrate loyalty to the group by faithful attendance at all functions and such things as tithing. No consideration is given to the length of time a new member has been a Christian or to his age or station in life or his unique talents or abilities. The rules apply to everyone alike. This has the effect of reducing everyone to some kind of lowest common denominator where no one's gifts or natural abilities are valued or appreciated, where the individual is not cherished for the unique blessing he or she is to the body of Christ, where what is most highly valued is service, obedience, submission to authority, and performance without regard to gifts or abilities or, for that matter, individual limitations.

Consider that this is what you are doing to your children when you demand your way and your desires for their lives, even from the time they are small and seek only to run to you and hide themselves in the comfort under the shadow of your wings. No parent desires to reduce their children into automatons or two dimensional beings with no depth of character to leave them wounded and confused. But that it what happens to many of us. We were not made for the Sabbath rest but the Sabbath rest was made for us. Yet for many of us there is only striving to meet demands of perfection wherein there is no rest for the people of God. So many of these parenting paradigms are millstones, hung around the necks of little ones. And we weep.

06Mar09 UPDATE:

We gave much cause for great hope. Today, within an hour, I read two new similar blog posts that describe aspects of this problem with multigenerational faithfulness from a different perspective. Please read these two posts for this broader perspective:

From "The Unconventional Approach" by Richard Sandlin:

You choose what you’re comfortable with. That’s the way to decapitate the foe that faces you. Never let anyone force you to go in their armor; you were not fitted for it, and it certainly does not fit you.

From "Giving our Children the Freedom to be Different ~ Grace in Parenting, Part 3" by Karen Campbell:

As I read these words, I realize how often I have been loath to extend grace to my children and have allowed my own tastes and opinions to be presented to them as a holy standard, when the truth is that God’s Word is the standard we ought to be pointing toward. How often I have even been tempted to put my own spin on Scripture in order to “prove” that my preference is the “right” one. And I have remembered the times when my first thought was “what would other people think about me, especially as a homeschooling mom, if my kid does x, y, or z.” It has caused me to repent of my own sin of loving myself more than I have loved God or my children.

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