Friday, August 1, 2008

A Diagram/Adaptation of Pia Mellody's Love Addiction/Love Avoidant Cycle

(Click to enlarge diagram)
Think of each block like a cog on a wheel.
Both wheels turn because they are propelled by the next cog in the partner's wheel, driving one another.

This is not my work but an adaptation of Pia Mellody's conception of how the Love Addicted (fantasy oriented, needy people that love you into loving yourself) and Love Avoidants (rescuers, care-takers, risk-takers) interract with one another.

How one is raised and treated by parents determines the development of these traits that, according to Mellody are played out in relationships with people of the same sex as the parent who either was neglectful or smothering/emneshed.

In patriarchy, I believe the leaders in the patriocentricity movement seem like Love Avoidants, meaning they had some degree of enmeshment with a female caregiver. This makes them tend to be resentful toward and to objectify women. They likely had to forfeit something or had to sacrifice in some way in order to help support or facilitate the needs of their female parent. I sometimes wonder if some of them also felt a bit abandoned by their fathers which is why they seem to be so absorbed with men (almost love addicted to men). Who can say? That is, of course, if this theory holds true and whether you accept it or not. I offer it just the same.

This theory would describe why there is such a drive to objectify women: treating them as objects or somewhat lesser than men. Again, the behaviors develop based upon the expereinces of childhood and is carried over into gender views. Both types avoid intimacy, but they prefer one great fear over another.

Think of them like cogs on a wheel (each type attracts the other type), and the cycle repeats and repeats.

You can click on the diagram to enlarge it, but if you want more info, you'll have to buy "Facing Love Addiction." Or read these blog posts discussing Pia Mellody's book HERE.